johnpalmer

You’re all so terrifying, with so much power, to hurt me in so many ways, without even meaning to, even when you don’t want to, and you can’t understand what to and I can’t even speak to explain myself, of course I have to stay isolated. Alone. Afraid. But safe. For now.

Milli once asked me to contemplate, what if I never get better. I told her it wasn’t time to contemplate that, and she didn’t understand why. Helpful hint, if you’re ever in that situation: it means “I don’t see any way to survive, and I’ve survived a lot, if I were to discover I had no hope for relief.”

I live for you, I love you, I want to be with you and love and laugh and dance and instead all I can do is watch a horrible, needy, world pass me by, second by second. 

Vocabulary gets strange when you’re dealing with a medical disorder you’re trying to invent. I want the words I choose to be words that will fit, hopefully, even in transliteration, to the extent that it’s possible. And yet, there are words that doctors will use that warp all ordinary meaning. One applies underarm deodorant “axially,” one puts something in one’s cheek, next to the lower gum, “buccally.”  Doctors could muck up a Nerf ball fight.

One thing that I think helps one’s thought processes (and the resulting vocabulary) is to recognize models. I have a model, that’s what my “medical disorder I’m trying to invent,” is properly called. The fascia writes traces of subluxation/malalignment as they happen, and then act to undo the damage, or create a stable point. It creates a stable point, by binding range of motion, so, I call the places where things feel stuck a “binding” but the places where it feels “sticky,” I call those “traces.” The fascia writes traces, so that you may undo them – peel them apart, unstick them, unglue them, later.

In my model, the fascia tries to keep the spine straight (the spine must not kink!), and, tries to balance quadrants of your body. So I feel there’s some left/right, and some upper/lower, balancing going on. The reason I think this happens, is, I think it leaves the “homunculus” in the best, most usable, shape.

In my model, our brains don’t send signals directly to muscle; they send them to the fascia, using an interface I call the homunculus, which translates them into muscle movements. I think this is true for two reasons. First, when the fascia undoing a trace, or breaks a binding, there’s a huge amount of sensation. That makes me feel a lot of information is going brainward – “modify the homunculus!” Then, imagine you want to extend, bend, twist, and extend again – forget which specific extremities you’re doing this to, because, that’s a lot of precise muscle movements, by muscles that are not where they are, normally. How could your brain track all the specific muscles you need to perform an action, when there’s other information in play, like, gravity, how you’re twisted, which limbs are extended, how far, and, what’s bent?

For me, it made sense that the fascia was likely a living, analog, computer that made those decisions for you, because it’s what’s right there. Other reasons it makes sense, is, while I’m walking, if the fascia shifts, I stumble – no problem with my brain, just with the fascia. The homunculus altered, mid-step, causing a stumble. There’s more, I have years of lived experience. That said: this isn’t my strongest, most important claim.

I was told that I was “too sensitive” to my fascia, and the problem was called “fibromyalgia.” I think the doctor was full of crap. I think my body is all twisted up, and untwisting, and the sensations of that are so overwhelming that it warps my brain.

I think lots of people have similar problems. They might think they, instead, have a host of physical or psychiatric issues, but the problem is just, we don’t have a word for “my fascia is signaling that something is wrong.”  Unless we’re Peter Parker, in which case, our fascia might also host the Spider-sense. “Tingling,” (Spider-man’s usual danger sense signal) is not a bad word for the fascia doing something it (normally) shouldn’t.

The most important part of my model is this: I’ve lived in a body where I first learned that neurological pain could warp my brain in ways I never could have believed. I now have learned, by evoking that very pain, how neurological pain can be a sneaky enemy, that presents as purely psychological or emotional issue at times. Further, if neurological pain is bad, it can mimic certain psychiatric disorders – treat the pain, the disorder will improve, and maybe vanish. Neurological pain can cause a host of other neurological effects, including vasovagal effects (possible fainting) as well as chills, hot flashes, and more.

We need to talk about this. But to talk about  my problems, we need some vocabulary. I’ll try to add to this post, if it seems we need  more terms.

My hypothesis leans heavily into the idea that something in the body (probably the fascia) records the changes made by injury. That means if we had a medical device that could scan the fascia the right way, we might be able to determine precisely how to help a person, if they suffer severe subluxation. 

If I were correct, and, someone were to figure out how to scan the fascia, and then use bone-settling[sic] techniques to repair the injury as quickly as possible, it would be a huge advance in medicine, plus a license to print money... assuming as many people are as miserable, as I believe there are.

What I'm going through is so intense, it complicates so much else in my life, so, even if I have a metric boatload of problems (10% bigger than a standard boatload, and much, much, larger than a "buttload") when I'm done with all the crazy fascia crap, it can't help but make my life multiple metric boatloads better.

So, six days ago, I "stopped drinking," by which I mean, I would no longer use alcohol as a life-extending tool. My doctor says I shouldn't drink so much, and I say I shouldn't (description of suicide, elided), but the alcohol prevents that.

Here's the thing: the pain is killing me. I spend all day, every day, every waking hour, in agony. It's been that way all of my life. I can make it "better" but I can't make it "okay." For the past year or so, pelvic pain has been so bad, the best I can get out of sex is a prostate sneeze, and that, my friends, is the highlight of my arbitrary period of time - a few moments of perfect, pleasant, restful, quiet in my brain.

My day is spent on the couch or in the bed, struggling with pains that include seizures, or mimic them, and no medical practitioner understands. If I "want to die," it's suicidality, not "exhaustion after 50+ years of being in constant pain, and finally understanding why it's not getting better."

You want to know the scariest movie I ever saw? "A Few Good Men." See, I would have been the Marine who kept falling behind in runs, and everyone thought was lazy, because there were no physical signs pointing to an objective problem that said "of course this poor bastard can't handle that level of activity without mental collapse caused by currently invisible issues!" And then to think that the bully who refused to bend, even if it killed one of his troops (one of the people he was tasked with protecting!!!) would be defended, even to the point of a man killing himself so as not to have to testify... that's a nightmare. No one would care that "I" died. The important thing is protecting the Marine who was responsible for my death. That is terrifying.

People like me, we're always aware that we can be arrested, or killed, for the crime of being a Big Scary Man Who Isn't Acting Normally, because we probably hurt someone (no one's sure how, and no one's sure who...). It happens. People who are raging, or struggling to mumble to themselves using their indoor voice, people who hear a cop's command, and are so terrified or angry their brain blows up entirely, as if they were seizing, these people look "dangerous," and in today's America, no one thinks of de-escalation, they only think of ending the threat, quickly, and safely. This usually means "shooting the person scaring people." Or choking him for 10 minutes, and getting acquitted of killing him. It's "safe," you see, so long as you don't consider the scary person an actual human being who is being harmed. Since they often end up a corpse, I suppose that's just predictive morality?

I’ve mentioned that the fascia is like a flexible, slightly stretchable, underskin suit packed with sensory nerves. I think that its purpose is to provide our motion-and-position senses, provide for our negative feedback, and control what muscles act, when.

My reasoning: I realized humans understand circular/spiral motion, and, they understand straight-line motion.  You can draw a roughly straight line with any of your limbs; you can move most of your extremities in a circular motion (e.g., fingers, but probably not toes). The tangles in my body all feel similarly – either in a straight line along the bone path, or, tangled up in loops.

In the beginning, I could only mobilize part of my right hip, but I kept struggling, and, eventually, more of my body started unwinding (and, my pain shot up immeasurably). I started to notice, sometimes, when I was unwinding, it felt like muscles were changing control over parts of my body. Sometimes, it feels like the wrong muscles are saying “we used to hurt but… ahhhhhhh” and the right muscles are saying “nice job, guys, we’ll take over now.” Okay, I’m being a bit more expressive, but, only a bit. It felt that natural.

So I thought my muscles were tangled up for a while, but that’s silly. Muscles must follow bones. And yet, sometimes, it felt like individual muscle fibers might be getting pulled loose, so, again, “my muscles feel tangled up.” 

Muscles can’t tangle up; there’s no mechanism for them to form adhesions. But the fascia forms adhesions. And if the fascia controlled which muscles were in control, and the fascia was tangled, I’d feel my muscles were tangled. Et viola, I say, looking for a musical instrument I’ll never find, it must be the fascia causing the issue… or, Occam would tell us we’re numbskulls to assume it’s “something else we haven’t seen evidence for, yet.”

The thing is, fascia bindings limit your range of motion, so, you can’t always undo a binding in place. One time I tried, and I felt a pain like a match lighting, and immediately stopped what I was doing. That “match lighting” pain is a serious warning – I’d only ever heard of it before, but I knew what I was feeling, from that warning! So it feels like I have to follow the tangles, and, if tangles are on top of tangles, I have to handle the top tangles first.

The net effect of these tangles is “subluxation.” Your joints don’t rest in the correct “neutral” position. So, how do you move? Well, you know how to move a bipedal person (assuming you are bipedal, perhaps with mechanical assistance), so you send commands, like, sit, stand, walk, run, jump, and those impulses are translated by the fascia to the right muscles. If you’re not subluxated, those impulses are worked by the correct muscles. If not, they’re worked by the closest straight-line-and-looping muscles the body can use to perform the action.

All of this is frightfully complicated, right? Well, the fascia must also provide for negative feedback, if it decides what muscles are worked. Each muscle must move with a corresponding inhibitory muscle action. That’s what negative feedback is, when you start to lift something, the muscles to drop your load are engaged, for stability, and they all adjust at the same time. What mechanism could provide for that? The human brain, unassisted? I don’t think so – I could be wrong, but I think it offloads that task to the fascia. Similarly, I assume that positional and movement senses are handled by the fascia as well.

I could be wrong about this. I’ve been wrong, and I can admit it. Like, last time, I thought I’d made a mistake? Yeah, remember that? I was wrong, I hadn’t made a mistake after all, and here I am, admitting I was wrong, see what a big man I am? Ahem.

More seriously: Occam’s razor, and my personal experience, strongly support this idea. And what it means is, if you have addictions issues, if you have mental health issues  (most especially including substance use issues), if you have chronic pain, if you’re just miserable all the time, ask a chiropractor to give you a check, and they’ll tell you you’re subluxated. Okay, but, they’re going to point to your spine. “We’ll move your spine, even if it’s your shoulder that’s pulling your spine out of proper spinal alignment.” That worries me. I feel like the shoulder is where we should be working.

Problem: PT, and doctors of osteopathy, they don’t think subluxation means anything. Well, chiropractors will say, if your child has asthma, your child is “subluxated, no question,” because I saw one do that, so, subluxation has become a bit of a dirty word. I don’t think my doctor believes that my hip doesn’t move normally, due to subluxation. I know PTs will tell me that I’m lying about my own body, because they can’t believe my body won’t supply truss (keeping me up) in certain positions. Sometimes, they’re asking me to do something that a normal person could do, because the median femur is perpendicular to the ground. I can’t, because in that pose, my femur is at, like, a 75 degree angle. Ever tried to build anything without something a lot closer to 90? You won’t have truss – you can’t span a space. The weight going down will also push sideways, and you’ll have a collapse. Point and laugh at the gimp, Mr. PT firstname lastname.

What if you’re in neurological pain, and a chiro examines you, and points to subluxation… what then? Well, first up, a warning: it is now a common practice in chiropracty to ask for all funds up front. Your insurance pays so much, our course of treatment costs this much, cut us a check, before we start treatment. I talked to a chiropractor, before I knew this, and I walked out, because I don’t pay up front. I assumed it was a con. But it is now a common practice in the industry, such as there’s an industry.

Why would they ask for it all up front? Well, when I’m unwinding – which is what chiropractic work will do, if I’m right, and chiros are partly right – I have a lot of pain, and, I have a lot of other distress. Wanna know the winner of the annual “worse than it sounds, and it sounds awful” contest? Spontaneous projectile vomiting! I was on a customer call at the time, but damn, I’m good with the MUTE button!!! Look up vagus nerve issues, look up focal seizures, think all GI issues and get some protective undergarments, just in case, because your body can do the same thing as projectile vomiting from the other… okay, you got the idea. Think of all that, and now, you have an idea of the neuro effects one might experience. They would want the money up front, so, they could say “John, please continue; you paid for it, you might as well see it through.” And why all up front? Because my experience suggests (to me) that you might be miserable all the way up until all of your joints are free of subluxation, with concomitant lack of spine subluxation.

Er, that is, I think my spine is out of place, because my hip is stuck in the wrong “neutral” position. I want to fix the hip, because it feels in my head like I don’t want to have the spine pressing against the strength of the hip. That feels wrong to me. I could be wrong. But I also kind of… look, I felt no “call of destiny,” okay? I just had this sense, “I can fix this myself.” And I’ve been wrong, a good many times, over the years, but I’m getting closer to the “fix” I imagine exists. That much, I’m sure of.

I’m in a lot of pain,  and my only escape any more is medical marijuana concentrates, and mindfulness exercises. Don’t get me wrong: during mindfulness exercises, I still feel the pain, I still lose the day, I still can’t clean the kitchen, have sex with my wife, go out of the house, etc., but, during the mindfulness exercises, I see why Buddhist monks can handle suffering. I had something sounding a tone, every fifteen seconds. I said to myself, “if I go mindful, I’ll hear that delightful little ‘doot’ as a complete surprise, and it might make me giggle, instead of tense up,” and sure as shooting, that’s what happened.

I told y’all I was a professional weirdo!

This post may be edited at a later time – apologies for the inconvenience

This Dreamwidth Journal is a NO HATRED zone.

You want to hate on me, I might allow it, I might not. You hate on someone else, you’re gone.

You can’t be a “Trump supporter” and it’s nearly impossible to be a “Republican,” and be free of hate. Look, if “the Democrats would be worse,” wasn’t irrational, why are we stuck in a Middle Eastern war? Okay, and, when you have irrational, nasty, feelings about people (e.g., “Trump is bad, but DEMONcrats would be worse,”), we call it “hatred.” I mean, only because that’s pretty much what hatred is, is irrational nasty feelings, far out of proportion to any harm done to you.

So if you’re a Republican, I honestly don’t know why you’d give the Republican Party your support. They’ve put judges in places that let Trump hurt people; and they even let Trump start illegal wars, without threatening impeachment and removal. Believe it or not, there was a time when Republicans could turn on a bad Republican. Richard Nixon was about to be impeached, and removed, with Republican support, so he resigned. Trump’s murder on the high seas, to stop cocaine boats headed for Europe; and Trump’s illegal wars, should have had him removed. I know, you might say “but what’s hateful about allowing a President to murder a couple hundred people, or several thousand in Iran?” as if human life meant so little that even one murder on the high seas wasn’t enough to remove the boss of federal law enforcement for high crimes.

I use brutal logic when discussing hate; hate is a disease that requires careful eradication, because it’s so enjoyable to us. We love to dream of an enemy, we love to pour out our venom to an enemy, and it’s hard to think about thousands of Iranians, including schoolchildren, dying thousands of miles away, so it’s easy to just, you know, erase them as unworthy of consideration. “It’s nothing personal,” you might say, as you drop a 2000lb bomb on their head, but, when it’s your corpse, it’s very personal. To think of all these people, as being unworthy of life, so that we should just read about them, and act as if it’s “news” and not “crimes against humanity,” well, that’s a pretty hateful outlook.

Look, I’m sorry, but, y’all confused a lesson. In a war, a soldier kills, and will do so in every manner possible, that is honorable, and proud. The soldier can’t think “this is someone’s dad, son, brother, uncle,” and instead must do a horrible job with very limited compassion. We have to be the soldier’s conscience, and we can’t turn our own consciences off, just because it’s people in uniforms doing the killing. They are the ones who can’t think of the lives of each individual; they are the only ones who have that excuse. The rest of us, we have to keep watch, and make sure they continue to act honorably, and proudly, most emphatically by only placing them in honorable, proud, combat situations, like defending us from real threats, not Trump's imagination. “Accidentally” blowing up a school isn’t honorable, or proud. Honor, and pride, require the military use careful rules of engagement, that sometimes put our troops further into harm's way before fighting back, but it maintains the discipline needed to have a world class fighting force.

So: no loud hate. And no quiet hate, where we discuss “collateral damage” as if it were shoe scuffs, and not people’s lives. ObBeetlejuice: “Th-these aren’t my rules, see. In fact, I don’t have any rules.” But thinking it’s cool to snuff people’s lives out, as if they were a burning cigarette butt, is hateful.

So, no offense, but it’s really hard for me to imagine a good Republican who is free of hate. If you think the party is doing okay, it should have removed Trump already, so, no, it’s really not okay.

If I loved you, I’d do it, so I try to do it, and it doesn’t work, so I try again, and it still doesn’t work, and I get into a rage with myself, summoning all of my adrenaline, and I still can’t do it, and I want to throw a tantrum, just throw myself down on the floor and scream for a while, but it doesn’t do any good and leaves you with a sore throat. Hey, eventually, you try everything, and I do mean everything. Slap the wall, that hurts enough, to wake you up for moment, and you can hope you stay awake, but you never do. It didn’t even work for your parents, once the fear and adrenaline rush of a spanking wore off, so why would it work for you, when you know how noisy and whiny your stupid brain is?

I have to do it now, you see, if I loved you, I’d do it, but not “someday,” I’d do it now, you see, right now, and sure, the best time to plant an oak is a hundred years ago, next best is today, but you could have been too exhausted the whole effing hundred years! You can’t wait for your body to get better, you have to live your life, with other people, now! If you don’t, you’ll die, so….

 

If you were to follow a political blog named "WTFGhost" you might notice an eerie similarity that I have no intention of discussing.

Taxation Ain’t Theft FAQ

Q: Is taxation theft?
A: No.

Q: NOW WAIT A MINUTE, something libertarian something…
A: LALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU I HOPE YOU’RE NOT SPEAKING

Q: …but Ayn Rand….
A: LALALALALALALALALA GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!

Q: Okay, I think taxation could be seen as theft, and I feel you’re blithely dismissing my concerns.
A: That’s better, questions, I like answering them, speeches, I avoid them. No, what taxation is, is the natural basis of a monetary unit. In the US, you need dollars, and only dollars, when you pay taxes. If the US government didn’t collect taxes, there’d be no natural market for dollars, and a dollar wouldn’t necessarily mean much. Since some people will need dollars to pay taxes, they will always be willing to sell for dollars. Viewed this way, then, the goal of taxation is to help “form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and, secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.” Taxes going out should result in those other goals being met – payment in taxes gives you good government. Republicans say “good” government is a myth; they tell other lies, too.

Q: still, doesn’t the government demand that you pay taxes, eventually using guns to drag you to court to defend yourself for tax evasion?
A: Generally, until you’re buying and selling in dollars, you’re not doing much that’s taxable. There are property taxes, but, protection of property takes money! There’s no free lunch. You could homestead, and pay only property taxes, and live off the land, and minimize your taxation. Or you could live like almost everyone else, and engage in economic activity, which means some portion of the money you come across will be taxed. But remember, your taxpaying allows you to make demands for services, including “tax relief.” If you want a real libertarian-land, maybe Musk can make an orbital libertarian colony where you conduct business in bitcoin, and then, with no dollars going through your hands, you won’t be tagged for taxes. It’s only if you’re going to play the game, that you do need to ante up. Oh, better hope Musk doesn’t raise your rent in Libertarian-land….

Q: Don’t some liberals say a high sales tax picks the pocket of the working class person? That’s saying it’s theft!!! Mwah hah hah, I rub my hands in glee!!!
A: Dude, you look like you’re checking for hand lotion after a yank session. Okay, yes, taxes that are regressive are bad for the poor, and often times, they do “pick the pocket of Peter to pay Paul,” but that’s an argument about how to tax, not an argument that taxes are inherently unfair or “theft.” If everyone needs (guess) $30,000 in taxable goods and services to have a happy, comfortable life, then a worker making just over $30k is sacrificing to pay the tax, uncomfortable, because of taxes, you see?  While a worker making $300k is only “really” forced to pay sales taxes on 10% of their income. That said: rich people should be thought of as high rollers in the casino, while you’re enjoying the free entertainment and buffet. People who think it’s fun to put $10k on one roll of the dice mean you get free drinks, of reasonable quality, while playing the dollar tables; businesspeople who put a lot of capital on the line, and succeed, should rake in money by the boatload, but their taxes should also mean we get good healthcare, childcare (most importantly, schools), protection from criminals (including those who unjustly have a badge!), and a belief that there’s a social safety net, so, worst case, maybe you need to live in the cheap part of town, and eat ramen, while you get back on your feet.

Q: If we cautiously posit that maybe society should provide things like “healthcare,” why should the rich be punished with higher tax rates? Isn’t that class warfare?
A: American workers are the most productive – that is, they earn the most money, for their employers, per hour – in the world, period. The money from that productivity has to go somewhere. If an undeserved amount goes to the rich, then perhaps they should be taxed, to reduce that injustice, but, so long as more earned income = more after tax income, one can’t call it “punishment.” Not honestly.

Q: I guess there’s no point in asking, but… aren’t wealth taxes different?
A: Wealth taxes are the same as property taxes, and if you have a billion dollars in USA stocks, you do have an interest in the USA doing nominally well.  Further, just cash, invested in stocks, can generally earn a huge amount of money; a tax on wealth, that is significantly less than expected growth,will only slow growth of wealth, but wealth would still grow. If someone had a huge family farm that pushed them into wealth tax territory, there’d be financial services firms who’d structure a way to keep tax payments from touching the farm. And if not, if someone has to sell a few acres from a farm that’s valued at tens of millions of dollars, it’s sad, but not as bad as parents needing to sell blood to get school supplies.

 

What does anger feel like to you, a normal person? Well, first, let’s pause. Lots of us have played the mental game of “what if we all saw different colors, but we all agreed on their names?” So, we agree what “red” is, but we see different colors, when we look at the same picture… cool concept, right? Well, it’s true. Our color vision is biological, determined by the rod and cone cells in our eyes, and the odds are vanishingly small two people have precisely the same quantity, and same arrangement.

I want you to use that same kind of thinking, and realize we don’t actually know what anger feels like in anyone… except ourselves. I now know what anger feels like in me, but first, I had to learn a lot of what it wasn’t… because neuro pain can mimic anger. As nearly as I can tell, neurological pain can trigger emotions, including anger, spontaneously, but maybe I’m wrong. It’s still so nearly-direct that I can’t interrupt the emotions, and, after a lifetime, you’d be surprised how few I can’t interrupt. (Well, I’ve never tried to interrupt love, for example. Lust/new-partner-energy, yes, but that’s not love, it’s just a nice flavor that you often experience in love. So I can’t say I can interrupt any emotion.)

That means some children, who are told they can’t control their anger, who are being blamed for being in pain. If they control their angry actions, then, they’re not being the least bit naughty, unlike a child who is too quick to take offense, or too keen to nurse grudges.

There’s another obvious way neuro pain can lead to anger; it can cause certain emotional responses to become painful. Let’s say you’re being scolded or nagged; it might literally hurt. And you’re allowed to protect yourself from that kind of pain, but, obviously, the first protection is understanding that the pain is telling you a lie. What the other person is saying isn’t causing injury, even though it is very much causing harm. That means you’re never allowed to use force, to protect yourself from this pain. You are allowed to say “I need to have this discussion another time” (and must faithfully follow through), to protect yourself from the pain; you’re allowed to leave, to isolate yourself, however you make yourself feel safe, and, if someone refuses to let you leave, you do have the right to use minimal force to overcome improper restraint.

These two things mean that some children are treated very badly by the default assumption that, at age appropriate times, children will control their anger to age appropriate extents. Children are taught that “words can never hurt me,” but, emotional reactions can result in real, neurological pain symptoms, so, “words can never hurt me,” is a really despicable lie, to those particular children. And oftentimes, children who can’t stop scowling are shamed, as if anger was easy to switch off. Well, for most children… but for some of us, being treated poorly for being unable  to control our mood, means bullying us for things we really can’t help. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has to learn to control the actions they take as a result of emotions, most especially anger. But if you get me to stomp my foot and walk away from another young child to defuse a playground spat, you can’t dis me for the foot stomp, that was a healthy-to-me expression of frustration. Keep in mind, children, least of all, know what is a normal human emotional reaction, so sometimes you need to chase down clues about whether their experience is normal. Hopefully, with more people thinking of pain as a possibility, we’ll soon see a reduction in what we thought were childhood mood disorders (and, of course, childhood behavioral problems).

The next place where anger comes into play with pain, is, obviously, some people are said to have an anger management problem, when their problem is an inability to handle the additional challenge of managing neurological pain that can turbocharge anger. Pain relief might make their anger management trivially easy.

Due to my neuro pain, I’m constantly aware that things are taking more time, effort, and energy than they should, and sometimes, the frustration is so great, I just throw a tantrum, simply because it hurts too much to hold it in… but I only do this in isolation. Tantrums are ugly, especially in grown people, and some people just can’t handle seeing that much raw emotion. To me, that I’m expressing great frustration at, e.g., an oven means it’s harmless, but to other people, that much emotion can’t possibly be harmless, it can’t possibly be that you wouldn’t direct that at people. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a not-unreasonable precaution, but, again, I only tantrum when alone, which especially means, never at any living creature.  

The things I want to emphasize here, is, this is compassion 101, for people. If you know some people get hurt, and it triggers emotional states, you can find ways to work around those complications. If you know someone has a harder time with a task than others, you show a bit more patience, while still enforcing those boundaries that must be absolute.

But first, we have to wake up to how head dealing with lots of neuro pain are affected in ways both striking and profound, and they might need an entirely different treatment paradigm.