...And I'll never let this go

For as long as I could remember, I have been taking pictures of anything and everything that surrounds me. I believe my very first camera was given to me at the age of 8-years old. It was black and hot pink, and made of some pretty hefty plastic. I snapped away endlessly forcing my parents to spend hundreds of dollars developing my masterpieces (ie my friends and I on the playground at recess). My first photo that comes to mind is the one I took of me and my friend Ally Korzec. We were on the blacktop where the boys played dodgeball and it was the day after she had broke her arm during a game of Red Rover. She survived, and it was worth noting. From then on, I haven't stopped since.

I was always known as the picture-taker. I was the girl that always made doubles, sometimes triples, and even quadruples of copies to hand out to friends. I wonder how I got so obsessed with capturing memories and documenting life.

I have albums upon albums, boxes upon boxes, and CD after CD of thousands of photographs. They are my most prized possession. I used to look at them regularly, but unfortunately, I do not have my collection with me in the city. There is simply not enough room for them all in my apt. When I visit my parents, I get the chance to look through them again as I plan on doing next week when I am home for Thanksgiving.

Nowadays, I am lucky enough/doomed that everything has gone digital. I fear of losing it all, but all my photographs are so easily obtainable. Now, I just need a legit camera.

I'll admit, I'm not the best photographer. I took photography classes in high school...it was even one of my 3 possible majors for college, but I did not excel in it, so I thought it wasn't for me. I kept it a hobby instead of a profession, but now, I'm so eager to learn again. I just want to take better quality photos, and actually put more thought into what it is I'm capturing. I'm not asking to be some spectacular artistic photographer...I just want to better my craft.

I've made friends with many photographers and have picked their brain where I should start. I've bought some books, done some research online, and am planning to buy a digital slr camera. I can barely afford that, so I'm gonna try to start off small. Saving up the money for this is gonna take some time, but now that I have my MACbook, buying a camera is gonna be my next priority (other than paying off my debt, of course).

A friend of mine made a joke that I should ask for donations...and well, I'm kind of taking it serious. Well, not really, but if you wanna add a penny or two to my fund, I wouldn't mind. I really want a new camera by the time the new year rolls around. I don't know if it'll happen, but I'll be crossin my fingers.

I'm the kind of person who, I admit, is initially scared of, but thrives on change. I like to dip my feet in first to test the water instead of just jumping right in. I don't think it is necessarily a good or a bad thing, it's just what works for me. Right now, I feel the need for change. The seasons are changing (though, I think it mighta skipped over fall), I've dyed my hair purple (well...at least, the roots), and I'm out there trying to find a new job. I think switching it up is a good and healthy thing.

My dad and I had a long conversation on "change" the other day. He had just got back from a retreat where that was the theme of the weekend. There's nothing I love more than the talks I have with my dad. Sometimes it's not easy for him and my mom to understand the things I like and do, but they always support me no matter what. My family is always first when I make decisions in my life and I try to consider how it would effect them, but sometimes I have to be true to myself, just experiment and do things that I enjoy.

What really touched me was the card my father sent me from the retreat. On it is a poem...a poem about a rose. With Rose being my middle name and the name my father calls me by, it meant a lot to me. Though I find it personal, I believe it can be applied to anyone, therefore I'd like to share it with you.

Hardcore, serious love to last night's Motion City Soundtrack show at Roseland Ballroom.

Shamefully, I admitted to Jesse I've never seen any of his shows live before except at this year's Bamboozle. After going to this one, I don't know if I'll ever miss one again.

This is definitely another favorite to add to my list. I'll give it the award for the most dancable/best show to flip-out for. And though we had a table to sit at in the balcony...I could NOT sit still. As hard as I tried to record video/go all Jiscilla-Paparrazzi style on them, it was difficult to keep a steady hand while bopping around like a 15-year old girl.

And speaking of...pls note my teenage daughter will never go to concerts...not until she, at least, graduates from college. Srsly, little girls were on top of their friends' shoulders with their shirts off, whirling around their heads like lasso. I'm sorry, I just can't deal. Now, I understand why my parents deprived me of such things. Wait until their parents see the videos on youtube.

Anyways, disregarding the crude display of fandom, I'm glad everyone had so much fun. I felt really bad when I found out my friend, Christy, couldn't come. It was an last minute thing that superbly bummed her out, so I have video to make her feel as if she were there:

Another sidenote: I had a unicorn moment at the end of the evening when Jesse introduced me to some guy backstage. I turned to Jessica as she pondered who he reminded her of and unwittingly responded with, "He kinda reminds me of Steven from Steven's Untitled Rock Show." Parker could hardly contain herself when she broke the news to me that it WAS Steven from Steven's Untitled Rock Show. I know...I really was meant to be born blonde. Oh well...I like to think of my stupidity as "cute." Is it working?

I have been way too sleepy this past week to type anything quality. My insomnia is back in full force which is not so fun for mid-day lazy spells. Lots n' lots have been going on. I've been getting slightly overwhelmed, but I had a nice long weekend to kind of forget about things and just have some fun.

I had an awesome vistor, Nikki Lee, come in from LA on Thursday. He flew in early morning and pretty much woke me up with a phonecall to tell me he was in my lobby downstairs. We went out to the Heist party later that night at Rebel which I just recently posted pictures from. It was a pretty large/rad venue with plenty of rooms to venture around in. Miss photog, Jacquelene, was also in town for the occassion and was holdin down the photobooth (can't wait to see those pics). Crazy kids all around. Free booze in the VIP with "Legit" JV bracelets. I dug the scene with it's fake(?) trees, chandeliers, green walls, and all. Lexi Lex was set to perform later in the night which I regretfully missed. I wanted to see her with her new band she formed earlier that day (yes, you read that correct...no typo). AK and pizza were an obvious way to end the night.



Friday morning, we slept in, and I decided to take the day off so Nikki and I could do some damage in Soho. I pretty much spent most of my money at KidRobot indulging in some pretty sweet toys. I bought this awesome yellow and black lumberjack check hoodie from the men's section of another store and Nikki bought a purple button-down flannel in the same print. We matched, but that was totally not planned. When I got out of the store, I took off the hoodie I had on and immediately switched to my new favorite purchase. I got complimented on it in the streets, twice in the Kidrobot store, once in a Duane Reade, a couple other times somewhere else. I admit, I felt cool. Later that evening, we went out to this art/fashion showcase of a friend of mine's. He has his own line and designs very graphic-y t-shirts, hoodies, cardigans, etc. His latest collection, a Brian Wood Exclusive, was on display in honor of Halloween. We entered the building and felt like mice in a maze just trying to find the studio it was held in. We found the location by following the horror sounds from movie Pyscho they had playing on a projector screen. When we got there, free booze and candy were offered. I said my "hellos," mingled for a bit, and posed for some pictures. I had to show my support and bought a shirt of his. Though he only had men's clothing on display, we found a small that would fit me (please see my previous post for a pic). It glows in the dark...just sayin! We only stayed a short while so we could head out to The Annex, but by the time we arrived there, we were pretty exhausted and decided to turn home. We ordered a very large feast of Chinese takeout instead. Best. idea. EVER!

As for the next day, Nikki ventured out into the city on his own and I did a massive bleach cleaning at my apartment. I was supes stoked on the shine from my bathroom and kitchen. I actually might have been blinded by the brightness and poisoned by the fumes. I'm surprised I survived.

At night, we AK'ed it up for more CMJ afterparties where Dagger DJ'd the whole party. She threw us out dancetastic tunes and received a dance party in return. She's the only DJ I know that can manage that Angels & Kings (no offense, Rob Hitt/Ultragrrrl). Oh hey, and Parker made an appearance! I was glad to see my ladies. Also, new friend, Brian, was in for the fun. Some people got extra drunky, some managed to stay low key. All in all...another successful fun'scapade!



Sunday....Sunday was what we called "Kids Day." KidRobot and I had met again and I purchased even more cuties to add to my collection. It's addicting. Don't get yourself involved, trust me. I just can't resist their ugly, morbid charm. I'm officially obsessed. My new favorite collection is the Bent World Vandals. PS...if anybody buys me the Snorse I saw on display at the store, I would love them forever. It is sold out everywhere else! Pwease!? It's only $250.



Then we headed uptown to go home, but got caught by Dylan's candy. Um, whoa. We went bonkers...you all know how I get with my candy. It's a little too dangerous to live this close to a candy store. We even contemplated throwing a private party at the store the next time all the "kids" are in town. I took down the information, bought my candy, and got out of there as quick as I could. Then, since we decided we spent enough money for the weekend, we finally went home and made a nice pasta dinner. Yummy foodz filled our tummies as Nikki and I unwrapped all our mutant friends to see what surprises we got.



Monday, Nikki left back for LA. I already miss having him as a sidekick. It was back to work and straight to buisness where stress seemed to settle in quite quickly. I am taking the entire week off from going out and just spending it on my couch. I want to be top notch for all Halloweening events this weekend and next week. What to be? What to be. Guess you'll just have to wait and see. ;)

Today started quite early for me. I woke up at 6:30, showered, and prepared to spend 12 hours around 6ft tall, gorgeous, foreign women.

I rolled into the studio around 8:00, set up all the garments I needed to dress my model in, and mingled with the photographer and his assistants since there was a huge chunk of downtime. The two models arrived at 9:00: Marlene (pronounced Mar-lain-a) from Germany and Nadia from Russia. Both were obviously beautiful, but neither looked like the pictures on their comp cards. Nadia is a Paris Hilton look-a-like, and Marlene kind of looks like a played down version of Angelina Jolie. Hair stylist, Raphael, and makeup artist, Mario, started on the girls not too long after. The set was already finished being set up, so we sat with the photographers David (a dead-ringer for Ryan Gosling), Jason, and Jose. These guys were totally cool, and I could have easily invited them out to AK one trainwreck night...lol. Jason is from Georgia and 6ft 5inches tall. He recently chopped 12 inches of his hair donated to Locks of Love and shaved his burly beard for a Glamour magazine makeover (look for him in an upcoming issue). Shaw, the designer, was not so flamboyantly gay, but had a definite sense for fashion. His 15 year-old son (yes, that's correct), Alex, came in and got some headshots taken during our lunch break to jumpstart his own modeling career. I did not believe he looked a day under 21. He, too, was a spitting image of someone famous: Ryan Atwood from The OC. Dang, why can't I look like somebody?

Anyways, I didn't expect these girls to be bitchy or anything, but I didn't expect them to be sooo nice. Marlene was so so so so sweet, and Nadia was hot-to-trot and full of laughs. They were fun to be around, and now I understand why the booking part of America's Next Top Model is so important. It just makes the whole day so much more gratifying and less stressful. They were totally down to buisness when necessary, and I must say...got the job done (fabulously).

I was so happy with how the day went...and not one moment was unpleasant. Everyone was in good spirits leaving me with a great start to the weekend and me daydreaming about my comfy, cozy leather couch back at my apartment.

I swear I have not forgotten about you...times just change...people move on. But you always have a place in my heart. I will come back for you...I promise. Meanwhile, find me elsewhere ;)

xoxo

Happy 4th of July!

I have the day off from work...yesssss...and I'm just spending most of it home, chillin, and recovering from last night's Trainwreck Tuesdays. I don't know why 2 drinks have begun to effect me so much more than they used to...beside, maybe, the fact that Mary was feeding me her Red Bull and vodka all night long. Boy o boy....hahaha. Anyways, last night was the usual fun that AK brings to the table. You'll see from pictures sometime in the near future. Tonight I'm sure we'll be hanging out on rooftops watching fireworks somewhere in the city. And speaking of rooftops, I went home this weekend to spend some QT with the fam. I fully enjoyed my visit. I sometimes forget how much I love just going home and spending time with them. However, my point....I legit went on my rooftop (my parents house) to watch fireworks. The whole crew...me, my mom, dad, bro, & his girlfriend all climbed the ladder and watched the display the high school put on for the first time ever. It was really awesome and the thing lasted forever. It was a gorgeous weekend...we had awesome cookout food, rode bikes (prolly my first time in 10 years), and just hung out the whole time. Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday as well.

So its been a while since I last made a public post (I'm sorry, but I've been resorting to keeping my blogs and LJs private as of lately). I'll try and make updates more often as far as blogs go, though. Annnnd, speaking of updates...do you like the .com makeover??? It's obviously a lot more simple. I decided to tone it down once again. I’ve been feeling more “simple” now-a-days. Maintenance has become very time consuming.

Basically, though, I'm here to tell you I'm still alive!!!!! I'm still out here…in NYC and having fun. A lot has gone on in the past couple months. I decided to give y'all some highlights (if you are one of my LJ friends, this might be slightly repetitive to you...but there a few things I hadn't mentioned). Here you go:

Bamboozle – The girls and I went to boozle for the first time together (you may remember my journal post last year when I went with Jeremy). This is actually where Erica, Jessica, and I met in 2006...well, I had met Jessica once before previously, but now look at us 1 yr later. I can't imagine my life without them. This is like a huge event in the music industry. It's only one weekend long and held once a year in the parking lot of the Giants Stadium in Jersey. Its compared to other festivals like Coachella, SXSW, & CMJ. It has about 8-10 large stages and maybe 60 or so of the top bands you could think of playing from morning until night. You probably already read about my whole review of the weekend in one of my last journals, and if you haven't…you should. With the exception of me being sick this year, we had an awesome time. I'm already looking forward to next year.

Angels & Kings – If you’ve been keeping up with my pictures and my myspace, you’ll notice this is an obvious new favorite of ours. It's new…it’s a bar…and you may have heard about it through the press as being owned by Pete Wentz. False (although partially true)…it has, in fact, 17 owners (yes, I'm serious). It's just a really cool bar we like to go to and hang out, cause our friends DJ there and pretty much any night we want to go, we are sure to see friends (kinda like Cheers!). Actually, it almost reminds me of McCoy's from my college days (my MC crew knows what I’m talking about). It’s small, has two small bathrooms, only two bartenders at work (which I'm not sure it's safe to say they knew us by name and drink by the end of the very first week), and is always packed.

Band In a Bubble – Cartel went into a bubble about a month ago to live the bubble life 24 hours a day with live cameras streaming video straight to the internet. The night they went in, we went Angels & Kings for their "Viewing Party." It was loud, chaotic, and fun. Free drinks all night long…and the highlight for me was an Australian. PS...does anybody have a strange craving for Dr. Pepper, now?

$300 hoodie – Yes, that's right…I bought a $300 hoodie (Billionaire Boys Club to be exact…think Pharrell). It has a white ground with neon pink, blue, & yellow boombox stereos on it. It's a medium, baggy, and bright…just the way I like 'em (ghetto Jiscil’s gotta represent, ya huurd). It looks like I'm wearing my boyfriend’s clothes (well…if I had one). And yea, I've worn it once…so with that said, does anyone want to buy it from me? Lol. It's goes down as one of my top 5 most stupid purchases EVER! This is when I hand over my credit card to my roommate to hide from me.

Monty – The boys were back in town…the boys were back in toooown. They had a show at The Knitting Factory in May and well…I missed their entire set! I totally got lost walking there. Honestly, I've been there more times than I can count on both hands, and I still got lost. One thing my friends know about me…I'm always late, even if I leave early, I always end up being late somehow (such a horrible quality, I know. I’m working on it). I wasn’t the only one that was late, though. Christy got lost, too…er, well, caught in a snow storm. I’m actually not kidding. They were filming a movie a couple blocks over, and I get a phonecall from Christy, “Um, did it snow today?” She was serious…oh how I love this girl. Anyways, so we missed their set, but got to see a new band I think I might like called Melee. They kinda remind me of Jack's Mannequin. They're cool. I might buy their CD…we'll see. We hung out with the Monty boys and whoever else was on the tour at Delancy for all sorts of debauchery. Always a good time when they're in town. Everyone should see them play live.

ELLE Photoshoot – Yep, it’s just like it sounds. I had a photoshoot with ELLE magazine for their August issue. I got pulled aside by one of their photographers working on a fashion assignment (she liked my style), and we did a mini photo shoot for it. It's not guaranteed that I'll be used for the issue, but there's a good chance it could be. Hopefully, it will…and hopefully it won't be an awful shot of me having some sort of lazy eye or some goober face expression like I always do.

Marriage – “Who marries? No really…who marries?” …just a hilarious quote from my friend Mary (you kinda had to be there). But gosh, June has been the month of marriage. Two of my close friends, Holly (& Dave) and Mel (& Rog) have all got married. Can you believe it? My friends are married. I seriously didn’t think these days would ever come. Before you know it…babies will be on the way. Oh boy, let's not go there just yet, but I'm sure it's gonna come faster than we know it. I can’t believe how fast time flies. Both weddings were pretty spectacular, so beautiful, and a ton of fun.

The Dagger is 24 - Gosh, Erica just turned 24 yesterday! You always know when this lady is around because that's always where the fun is. We celebrated Friday at the Stolen Transmission party held at Angels & Kings and DJed by The Tarts of Pleasure. Dance parties were held and we even got our encore for "Discotech" by Young Love. Then yesterday we went birthday style a la BK complete with Wii tennis tournaments, Hpnotiq, cupcakes, and rooftop Scattegories. Holler.

Paramore – Last month I went to the first Paramore show I've been to in a while. It's not even an exaggeration to say I was blown away with their performance. I've obviously seen them countless times, but the amount they've grown and all the passion I saw come from within them was outstanding. Their new album, "RIOT!" came out June 12th which basically means you should already have it in your possession...and if you don't, I seriously don't know what you're waiting for. This album is awesome. Go out and buy it or download it on iTunes. It's worth it, trust me. They've already apparently sold 45,000 albums the first week putting them somewhere in the top 20s on the Billboards...and they guest appeared on TRL last week! Gosh, I am so beyond happy and excited for them. They so deserve this!

Petey Wentz's Birthday – So it wasn't any surprise the birthday bash would be held at any place other than Angels & Kings seeing as Pete and the rest of the bands under crush management have part ownership. Most likely due to the tight guest list they had at the door, the bar about the size of my apartment was only a little more than half-full. As the birthday boy walked in the room with his hot arm candy/girlfriend, Ashlee Simpson, flashbulbs from the paparazzi began to light up the whole room and equally so every time your scene celebrity walked into the room. Members of Fall Out Boy, Gym Class Hereos, The Academy Is… and more were there to celebrate. Even Tila Tequila was there, don't ask why, nobody cared. I met up with a favorite Aussie of mine and was distracted for the rest of the evening leaving this angel on a cloud and the king in the corner on his throne.

Grapefruits – Wow, who writes about grapefruits?...apparently, I do. Anyways, the grapefruit spoons I asked for Christmas have come into great use. I'm addicted. I didn't know one can have an addiction to these, but it's true. I do. I have one, at least, a day. I love them. With some sugar sprinkled on top…mmm, it's delicious. Vitamin C, people…gotta get my vitamin C.

Jesse turned 30 – Seriously sweet 16’s are so 8 years ago…Sweet 30ths are where it’s at! Jesse turned 30 while the rest of us stayed the same age (hahaha, jk). He's actually most likely to be one of the youngest guy I know, though. I mean seriously…he has more toys, sneakers, and fun than most 9 year olds. This also makes him one of the coolest guys I know. Not to mention he plays keyboard for a pretty rockin band you may have heard: Motion City Soundtrack. Also, he's pretty much the honorary 6th Curbside member, so that makes him ahead of the rest already (either that or he’s just got enough dirt on us to keep us close by).

Xander – I really hate to brag, but our newest addition to my family is Xander. He's a silver tabby kitten, and good lord is he gorgeous! You know how there are show dogs…well apparently he comes from a whole family of show cats. He is even related to our older tabby, Maggie. He's so friendly, so lovable, and fits in our family perfectly.

New Job – In the past two months I have moved on to a new job freelancing for American Eagle Outfitters and their higher quality, new line called Martin + Osa. I'm working in design/product development. It's pretty intense and there's a ton more responsibility, but I like it. They treat their employees well, and the atmosphere is so different from what I've been used to. I love the people, too. Then, I have to mention, I just spent $90 at their sample sale (employees only) and got 8 shirts, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of shorts, 9 bags, 4 wallets, 13 pairs of underwear, and 8 pieces of jewlery (some of the stuff being from Barney's, Kitson, and more...easily over $1000 worth of merchandise). Score!

So You Think You Can Dance – No, no...don't get the idea. Everyone always comes up to me and asks why I'm not on this show. Trust me, I would LOVE to be...but I'm happy doing what I'm doing right now, and plus, these people are outstanding...Hello! Lacey Schwimmer!?! I have never really watched a full episode of this show before, mainly due to the fact I was actually at dance while this was on. But lately I've had the chance to peak in on it. No one I know is on the show this time, but let me just say this now...I will be America's Next Top Lacey Schwimmer Fan. She's adorable and soooo talented. Her first piece (contemporary) performed with Kameron took my breath away and could have possibly brought a tear to my eye…ok, I'll admit it...it did! I have to say, I can only remember one televised performance ever doing that to me before, so with that being said…go Lacey!

Cartel Has Left The Bubble – Cartel burst their bubble only a week or two ago, and what better of a time for my fellow curbie Erica to make her official DJ debut at their "Coming Out of the Bubble Party" at where else...Angels & Kings, of course (are you sick of me saying it yet?). Under the superb teachings of Rob Hitt…she can now don the DJ title for real. Again, pretty much your average party at AK47, but the air was so hot and muggy. My bangs were matted to my forehead by sweat and a silver headband (gewww) and the air conditioner was pumping so hard, it spit back at us. There was dancing on the benches, people on top of other's shoulders, and shouting of classic rock lyrics…quite the rowdy crowd. Quite the celebration.

Phewwwwwww...that was long. I almost feel out of breath.

I feel like every year I step into, I find out more about myself, who I am, or the person I’m trying to become. I’m even beginning to be more comfortable with it, too, and just learning to accept myself. There comes a lot of criticism from the internet world or from people you’ve lost touch with…you almost get sucked in and start to believe what you hear. People tend to judge by the pictures they see, or misinterpret things you write about without knowing what you really meant to get across (I’m a big culprit of this…I totally say one thing, but it never tends to come out the right way). After a while, it becomes so exhausting to watch what u say and watch what you do. I think I’ve learned to just let loose and have fun, make mistakes, and be myself. I may have changed tremendously over the past couple years, but I still remain the same girl at heart. For the people that really know me…you understand this.

It seems weird at the age of 24, I’m beginning to realize all this just now…and not to mention, I think I feel younger and younger by the day (maybe not look it or act like it…but in my sense of freedom). I’m letting go of ways I always hated to be, but didn’t know how to get away from. Wow, I’m growing up!

I’ve made so many new friends that I can’t even explain how grateful I am for. I truly do love meeting people and even just sharing and having a common connection with anyone. I’ve become so intrigued with people in general. I found friends in the city that I completely adore and hate spending any time away from. They are exactly what I needed in my life. I’ve always been so lucky to have such great friends. I’ve had people to hold me up, accept every part of me, and experience the greatest points in our lives together. I think we all compliment each other’s personalities so well…never leaving a dull moment and always having so much fun no matter what it is we do.

I don’t think I’d ever change a thing.