Broken Heart
A philosopher once said, "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." The truth is; and it's a heavily used cliche, "no one is perfect". However, we all have to strive for better, even if that means searching outside of ourselves and leaving our past behind. I believe you have reached this point in your life, and I don't hate you for it. We only live once and our days are numbered, I could never ask you to spend another moment with me unhappy.
When I first met you all those years ago, I knew I was going to fall in love with you. You were beautiful, your heart was so pure, and you were always smiling. When I looked at you I thought, she is the road to an easy life. You and I were very different though and I knew I wasn't going to be everything you would truly desire in a man. I wasn't as outgoing, I didn't smile as much as you did, and unfortunately my heart could never be as pure. However, there was something between us brewing as we dated, and it seemed to be a good match. I could make you smile on the days you weren't happy, my temperament kept you safe, and helped guide you from your trusting eyes, my ears were always open when you needed them, and I was a friend for you no matter what, I was your rock and you were my breathe of fresh air.
So what happened...?
When you are with someone for as long as we have been together, it's difficult to place fault on any one thing. The reality is there are several issues between us, many unresolved. When I think of our life together, I imagine a large puzzle with our wedding picture on it. Each piece of the puzzle is what keeps us together; but over time pieces were worn or removed as issues arose. Unfortunately, the issues we had were not dealt with in a mature manner and never able to be returned to their prospective place; and eventually the sanctity of our marriage began falling apart just like a puzzle, integrity compromised by the several missing pieces.
Now we are left with the history we once shared and the life we made for ourselves; however, we have become two different people, going two separate ways. This is not what I had hoped for at all. I wanted to grow together with my companion and share intimacy as much as possible each day; and by intimacy, I mean the closeness of our love and souls. I can't place blame for everything on you, just as you can not place all the blame on me for how we grew apart. This would only be unfair to ourselves, and we wouldn't learn anything by having this self-righteous, perceptual view.
The other day, I gave you an ultra matem: choose to mend our broken relationship and grow together, or continue living our life as we are. You chose to continue living your life as you are, focusing on the relationships outside our marriage. I don't want to continue living a life where I am married to someone I love; but still feel so alone in life. I feel like I don't have a partner and this unhappiness is causing more issues not only for you, but for me too. My confidence and self-esteem have been affected; and I feel worn. I feel as though if you cared about working on this relationship, you would place less energy and focus on the several relationships you have between all your social media channels and immediate friends; and focus on us. I wasn't asking you to give up your friends, only to make them less of a priority; but you seem unable to balance a marriage, children and friends well. The kids take priority over me, your iphone takes priority over me, and I don't want to be last on the totem poll. I want us to put ourselves, "us" first before all other things, as I believe it should be. I wanted our kids to see us as a team and know who counts first: the people under their roof, not people who won't be around in ten years. I feel like you could care less whether or not we divorce; and are more concerned with the monetary value you're awarded at the end of the divorce.
So here I am, writing you with a heavy heart and disappointment. I want you to be happy in life and have everything you want. You deserve that, as do I. I was not able to provide you with everything you needed, and this isn't my fault or yours, it's just the reality of our life. In the end, when we are signing our papers to be officially divorced forever, we will be two strangers in that room. Two people who once loved each other with their whole heart and at one time, wanted to grow old together.
I hope one day you can reflect back and see what my true intentions have been for our relationship, and I am not as sociopathic or sadistic as you make me out to be. Eventually, friends fade, but true love never dies. I have to believe there was not true love between us or this letter would not be written and having your attention would be without question. I will wish you all the best in your next life, and I know you will be everything you need to be for your next love as will I. The mistakes made in this marriage will not carry into the next, when there is a next for both of us. I was very reluctant to write about a "next marriage" or relationship; but I had to envision you with someone else to see how I felt; and know that we are finally over. I am not saying that it feels good to think about you moving on; but it does feel good to see you happy. Perhaps, one day, we will be friends but this will be in the far away future because time heals all wounds; and I will need a lot of time.
I hope you know in your heart that I do love you; but the change we need to happen is not being placed into mechanical action. If you think for one second I am not aware of what happiness is, or what a relationship is, you couldn't be more wrong. If I made you happy, your entire family and group of friends would not think so low of me. I have definitely made mistakes in this relationship, and have hurt you; I am sorry for this, but you know in your heart that you can say the same. As I said before, I don't want to place blame on you or any one particular issue. There is perspective and truth, reality and perception, facts and feelings, our issues and personal issues, all of which can be protested to justify right and wrong for our problems.
Everything I am writing about will make more sense to you at your darkest hour because you will see how the relationship of "what is" and "what could have been" are closely related.
I will always remember you as the girl who one my heart with crickets. I will never and would never drag your reputation through the mud or discount all the wonderful things you have done for me in the past. In the end, for me, no one else mattered except this family.
All love.
When I first met you all those years ago, I knew I was going to fall in love with you. You were beautiful, your heart was so pure, and you were always smiling. When I looked at you I thought, she is the road to an easy life. You and I were very different though and I knew I wasn't going to be everything you would truly desire in a man. I wasn't as outgoing, I didn't smile as much as you did, and unfortunately my heart could never be as pure. However, there was something between us brewing as we dated, and it seemed to be a good match. I could make you smile on the days you weren't happy, my temperament kept you safe, and helped guide you from your trusting eyes, my ears were always open when you needed them, and I was a friend for you no matter what, I was your rock and you were my breathe of fresh air.
So what happened...?
When you are with someone for as long as we have been together, it's difficult to place fault on any one thing. The reality is there are several issues between us, many unresolved. When I think of our life together, I imagine a large puzzle with our wedding picture on it. Each piece of the puzzle is what keeps us together; but over time pieces were worn or removed as issues arose. Unfortunately, the issues we had were not dealt with in a mature manner and never able to be returned to their prospective place; and eventually the sanctity of our marriage began falling apart just like a puzzle, integrity compromised by the several missing pieces.
Now we are left with the history we once shared and the life we made for ourselves; however, we have become two different people, going two separate ways. This is not what I had hoped for at all. I wanted to grow together with my companion and share intimacy as much as possible each day; and by intimacy, I mean the closeness of our love and souls. I can't place blame for everything on you, just as you can not place all the blame on me for how we grew apart. This would only be unfair to ourselves, and we wouldn't learn anything by having this self-righteous, perceptual view.
The other day, I gave you an ultra matem: choose to mend our broken relationship and grow together, or continue living our life as we are. You chose to continue living your life as you are, focusing on the relationships outside our marriage. I don't want to continue living a life where I am married to someone I love; but still feel so alone in life. I feel like I don't have a partner and this unhappiness is causing more issues not only for you, but for me too. My confidence and self-esteem have been affected; and I feel worn. I feel as though if you cared about working on this relationship, you would place less energy and focus on the several relationships you have between all your social media channels and immediate friends; and focus on us. I wasn't asking you to give up your friends, only to make them less of a priority; but you seem unable to balance a marriage, children and friends well. The kids take priority over me, your iphone takes priority over me, and I don't want to be last on the totem poll. I want us to put ourselves, "us" first before all other things, as I believe it should be. I wanted our kids to see us as a team and know who counts first: the people under their roof, not people who won't be around in ten years. I feel like you could care less whether or not we divorce; and are more concerned with the monetary value you're awarded at the end of the divorce.
So here I am, writing you with a heavy heart and disappointment. I want you to be happy in life and have everything you want. You deserve that, as do I. I was not able to provide you with everything you needed, and this isn't my fault or yours, it's just the reality of our life. In the end, when we are signing our papers to be officially divorced forever, we will be two strangers in that room. Two people who once loved each other with their whole heart and at one time, wanted to grow old together.
I hope one day you can reflect back and see what my true intentions have been for our relationship, and I am not as sociopathic or sadistic as you make me out to be. Eventually, friends fade, but true love never dies. I have to believe there was not true love between us or this letter would not be written and having your attention would be without question. I will wish you all the best in your next life, and I know you will be everything you need to be for your next love as will I. The mistakes made in this marriage will not carry into the next, when there is a next for both of us. I was very reluctant to write about a "next marriage" or relationship; but I had to envision you with someone else to see how I felt; and know that we are finally over. I am not saying that it feels good to think about you moving on; but it does feel good to see you happy. Perhaps, one day, we will be friends but this will be in the far away future because time heals all wounds; and I will need a lot of time.
I hope you know in your heart that I do love you; but the change we need to happen is not being placed into mechanical action. If you think for one second I am not aware of what happiness is, or what a relationship is, you couldn't be more wrong. If I made you happy, your entire family and group of friends would not think so low of me. I have definitely made mistakes in this relationship, and have hurt you; I am sorry for this, but you know in your heart that you can say the same. As I said before, I don't want to place blame on you or any one particular issue. There is perspective and truth, reality and perception, facts and feelings, our issues and personal issues, all of which can be protested to justify right and wrong for our problems.
Everything I am writing about will make more sense to you at your darkest hour because you will see how the relationship of "what is" and "what could have been" are closely related.
I will always remember you as the girl who one my heart with crickets. I will never and would never drag your reputation through the mud or discount all the wonderful things you have done for me in the past. In the end, for me, no one else mattered except this family.
All love.