Wake me up when 2009 is over
It seems I only post on here when I am sad. At the moment it doesn't feel like I have anyone to talk to, other than strangers who have been through this before. I'm not sure there's really anything left to talk about anyway.
It's been 2 weeks since I lost Charlie, my beautiful baby boy. It's been a tough 2 weeks but I think I have come through the other side. 2 weeks ago I couldn't imagine being in this head space but it's what I wished for, to be able to get through an hour, a few hours, a day without crying. But here I am wanting to cry. Wanting to prove to myself that I haven't moved on, I haven't yet forgotten him, haven't stopped missing him. I think about him constantly, but the tears no longer come.
I still have the signs of having given birth recently, so I shouldn't yet be feeling OK. At the time I felt like my body was betraying me but it was just confused too. Making milk for a baby that didn't need it. As much as I hated it it gave me a link to Charlie. When it was gone it was with relief but also with sadness as one more tenuous link to my boy was gone.
For 2 weeks I have been grieving alone. Not completely alone as my husband has been by my side but we deal with things differently. He has spent the past 2 weeks supporting me, taking care of me. The only other support has been from strangers. Thank God for the internet. My friends and family haven't known what to do, what to say, so they say and do nothing. I can't blame them as I would have done the same if the roles were reversed. In some ways it was easier for me, in others it was so much harder.
I feel guilty for not having a proper funeral. There wasn't anyone here to attend anyway. I doubt I would have been able to say goodbye properly with other people there. But I want everyone to have a chance to say hello and goodbye. I'm not sure how to do that now. Do I wait for his due date that is still 4 months away?
Every decision I make seems to come with guilt and regret. I held my son but didn't hold him for long enough. I didn't give him a teddy when he was born (I gave him one for his cremation). He didn't have a blanket of his own. I didn't have a proper funeral. I didn't talk to him enough when he was still alive inside me.
I want to talk about Charlie but I worry that it makes people uncomfortable. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable, makes me teary. But tears aren't always bad. He's my son, which apparently makes me a mother. But I've been told that I am hanging on too tight and I need to let him go. But he's my son. I don't want to let him go. I don't want to put him somewhere in a cupboard because it will make it easier. I want to be reminded of him. I want his brothers and sisters to know about him, to love him as I do.
I'm not religious, but right now I believe in God. It gives me someone to direct my anger at, someone to blame. It gives me comfort that Charlie is in a better place rather than ceasing to exist. That makes me a hypocrite doesn't it.
I am anxious to be pregnant again. Time seems to be going so slowly. I wish I could fast forward. I feel like the past year has been a waste of time. I'm right back where I started. Only I'm not. I'm a changed person. My heart is broken. My arms are empty when they shouldn't be. I will never be able to enjoy a pregnancy again. It will always be tinged with sadness and anxiousness. I am frustrated with doctors. I am supposed to get post mortem results within 6 weeks, yet because of the unavailability of the doctor I have to wait 3 months. Pleading with the receptionist has gotten me nowhere. Another thing in life that isn't fair. I want my baby back. I want his future back.
It's been 2 weeks since I lost Charlie, my beautiful baby boy. It's been a tough 2 weeks but I think I have come through the other side. 2 weeks ago I couldn't imagine being in this head space but it's what I wished for, to be able to get through an hour, a few hours, a day without crying. But here I am wanting to cry. Wanting to prove to myself that I haven't moved on, I haven't yet forgotten him, haven't stopped missing him. I think about him constantly, but the tears no longer come.
I still have the signs of having given birth recently, so I shouldn't yet be feeling OK. At the time I felt like my body was betraying me but it was just confused too. Making milk for a baby that didn't need it. As much as I hated it it gave me a link to Charlie. When it was gone it was with relief but also with sadness as one more tenuous link to my boy was gone.
For 2 weeks I have been grieving alone. Not completely alone as my husband has been by my side but we deal with things differently. He has spent the past 2 weeks supporting me, taking care of me. The only other support has been from strangers. Thank God for the internet. My friends and family haven't known what to do, what to say, so they say and do nothing. I can't blame them as I would have done the same if the roles were reversed. In some ways it was easier for me, in others it was so much harder.
I feel guilty for not having a proper funeral. There wasn't anyone here to attend anyway. I doubt I would have been able to say goodbye properly with other people there. But I want everyone to have a chance to say hello and goodbye. I'm not sure how to do that now. Do I wait for his due date that is still 4 months away?
Every decision I make seems to come with guilt and regret. I held my son but didn't hold him for long enough. I didn't give him a teddy when he was born (I gave him one for his cremation). He didn't have a blanket of his own. I didn't have a proper funeral. I didn't talk to him enough when he was still alive inside me.
I want to talk about Charlie but I worry that it makes people uncomfortable. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable, makes me teary. But tears aren't always bad. He's my son, which apparently makes me a mother. But I've been told that I am hanging on too tight and I need to let him go. But he's my son. I don't want to let him go. I don't want to put him somewhere in a cupboard because it will make it easier. I want to be reminded of him. I want his brothers and sisters to know about him, to love him as I do.
I'm not religious, but right now I believe in God. It gives me someone to direct my anger at, someone to blame. It gives me comfort that Charlie is in a better place rather than ceasing to exist. That makes me a hypocrite doesn't it.
I am anxious to be pregnant again. Time seems to be going so slowly. I wish I could fast forward. I feel like the past year has been a waste of time. I'm right back where I started. Only I'm not. I'm a changed person. My heart is broken. My arms are empty when they shouldn't be. I will never be able to enjoy a pregnancy again. It will always be tinged with sadness and anxiousness. I am frustrated with doctors. I am supposed to get post mortem results within 6 weeks, yet because of the unavailability of the doctor I have to wait 3 months. Pleading with the receptionist has gotten me nowhere. Another thing in life that isn't fair. I want my baby back. I want his future back.
sad
busy
blah
happy
frustrated
distressed
thankful