Loud Laugh!

Hello, everyone.

I want to thank you all, so very much, for this amazing collective gift to me in the wake of Chris's death. It is so kind, and thoughtful, and just wonderful of you. It means more than I can say, but I'd still like to say a little something.

Things have been very hard, as I guess is not surprising. The house is so empty, and I've been having to go through all his things, which I have to keep telling myself aren't really his things anymore; they're no one's. And it's not only terribly hard but also just plain weird, going through everything someone owned, deciding what to keep, what to give away (and to whom), what to donate, what to sell, what to just throw away.

I keep thinking I'm prepared to do the next chore, the next step, but the most unexpected things keep catching me unawares; like, I started cleaning the fridge one night and ended up having a total breakdown, over the refrigerator of all things, because there were all his foods, stuff he liked but I didn't, like his diet orange pop and Swiss cheese and spicy Thai peanut sauce. I prefer Cheddar, I can't eat anything spicy, and I find orange pop yucky. There they were in the fridge, still fresh even, but no one was going to eat them now, so into the garbage it all went. This was food I always remembered to buy for him whenever I was in the grocery store for the last ten years, and now it's nothing, trash. So. Bad night, that.

Well, it's been two months now. I've been making progress, stuff-wise anyway, with one exception-- the printer. I teach ESL classes, and I have to print out my handouts and homework and lessons all the time. When our last printer finally gave up the ghost, Chris went into his tech-research mode to find the best one with the best price and the best reviews, the one that could do not just printing but all the scanning and copying from textbooks I need to do. He finally bought what he thought was the best one, and set it up with our computers and wifi. It was the last thing he ever bought.

But now the damn thing isn't working! It's not just dead, like our old printer, but it keeps saying it's out of black ink even though I've put in new black ink cartridges twice now.

I'm a technophobe and clueless with machines; I'm always sure I'll touch the wrong key and something will explode, or I'll break the Internet, or erase everything I have. But Chris was the opposite-- he was a gadget man, a total techie. It was awesome, because he would always know the latest tech if we needed something, and he could always fix problems with the computer, the cable, the wifi, the printer, my iPhone, the TV, whatever. I never knew how he did it, and he couldn't really explain it (he did try, a couple times, but his words made sense to neither of us; it was just something he could instinctively do).

This printer problem seems to be more of a software thing than a hardware one, and I know Chris could've just sat down with his computer and communed with the printer in his zen, tech-whispering way, and have it working in half an hour. But he isn't here, and no one else has been able to fix it. Taking it to a repair shop would probably end up costing almost as much as a new one, so that would be silly. And even though it's new, I can't return it to Amazon because I accidentally threw its box away during the Great Purge of So Much House Stuff.

I tried to research other printers to buy, but in the end, I just couldn't get myself to buy another one, because this was the printer he had thought was good, but it sucks, so how am I going to do better? I'm researching and they all look the same! And this one is still new, and its lights are on and everything, it just won't PRINT, and if Chris were here it would be working just fine. How can I buy another one when this one is brand new and so close to working, still alive with blinking lights and everything?

And meanwhile I still have classes, and they need their handouts, so I've been having to email all my documents to my department's office for the secretary to print out (she's been nice enough about it, but I can tell this is getting old), and so I have to drive to the office every day before class, then drive to the building on campus where my class is. Suck.

I have been feeling utterly ridiculous about this... bizarre "printer block." Of all the things I've had to do, this I can't get past? I need a working printer, I know this. It's not logical, and it's become an increasing problem, but I couldn't seem to take any action here.

And then a very large boxed arrived in the mail a couple of days ago.

Oh, you guys.

I never even thought about the possibility, but this is so perfect! Receiving a printer directly from my loving friends solves my problem perfectly! I don't have to wrestle with that weird-yet-unbreakable block, or feel strange about it. This printer works, and helps me in my many printerly needs, and does an end run around the block, and best-- it reminds me that you are all thinking of me.

But wait, there was more!

I got an email from PayPal later the same day. Apparently, I am the proud owner of a cool extra $1000!!!!

What with the reduction to one salary, plus job worries and leftover debt and unexpected costs, it helps so much--and it doesn't just help, it is truly stunning. I never imagined getting such an overwhelming gift. Just the idea that there are so many people out there for me, when I feel like I have so little active presence.

I mean, as you must know about me by now, I don't post very often (see date of last entry), and worries about owing people emails (and just the right email) can sometimes overtake my ability to actually write anything. So it can be easy to think that I've faded from your lives, even though you haven't faded from mine.

I am moved and grateful beyond measure to be reminded that this isn't true, and to have such help and caring in my corner. Thank you, thank you, thank you, each and every one.

Happy birthday to the lovely Killa!!! It isn't often I crawl out of my shell and actually post, but she is more than worth it.

I wish all good birthday things and fannish happiness to you, Killa! You are not only a fantastic author and vidder, but you are also one of the nicest, kindest people I ever known in fandom.

((((Killa))))

Happy birthday to my good friend, the wonderful and talented Jill.

I always wish her happiness and good health, but today I'll throw in cake wishes, too. :)

Happy birthday to Destina, one of my favorite writers and people, who deserves a wonderful day of cake and presents, and who I am thrilled is in Supernatural fandom! ::does the happy dance of great authors in the same fandom as me::

And happy birthday to Christy too! Due to my fannish upbringing, no fannish weekend or con is complete without her, to my mind. Of any one I know, she is the best at poking fun at all the dramaqueenity, pretense, and cliches so everpresent in fandom. She always makes me forget about the flamewars and the back biting and the rumors and reminds me instead of the squee and the manlove and the fun. And if I try to recall of all the times in my life when I laughed so hard I feared I might pass out, the majority of them have been while listening to her voice. ;)


Ice cream all around, people!

OMG!!!!!!! I just saw the community thingee! Lots of stories in my fandoms! From my buddies! This is the sweetest, kindest, coolest thing. I am truly choked up. I can't begin to thank you all for this; it's a lot of effort to go through.

I slept all day (thanks to narcotics), and I can't think of anything nicer to wake up to. :)

http://community.livejournal.com/f…

And it's orange and blue, for my beloved team (who could use a little mojo themselves, but too bad, 'cause this is all for me)!

Lucy, Dorinda, Kay, Jill, Kass, Dorinda, and Belinda (ooh, those last two rhymed), thank you. I can't wait to read all this! You guys made my whole month. *sniff*

::beamimg:: Wa

P.S. Look, Lucy! I figured out how to post all on my own! Whee!

My good friend lydiabell has been watching Life on Mars on BBC America, not realizing that BBC America has cut the show to pieces. This is a travesty that must be addressed. I myself have the show on my laptop (thanks to the lovely merryish), but could only copy it for her in .avi format, and her stubborn (yet very nice!) husband hates to watch shows on a little laptop.

I love Life on Mars so very much that it offends my very soul that Lydia and her Man are watching the show with so much of the Gene goodness cut, but what to do? "Ah," cereta said. "You should post to your lj and ask the kind, clever people out there if any of them could put the show in a disk format that lydiabell could watch on a regular DVD player."

I replied, of course, that this would necessitate my, uh, posting on my lj. Which I find inexplicably weird and uncomfortable (even though I love reading lj and think everyone on my friends list is just swell!). However, I rethought my objections when A) lydiabell reminded me that she had bought me tasty ice tea here at the con and B) cereta held a gun to my head and told me to fucking type.

So here I am! On Livejournal! Posting! Blegging! Could anyone out there help out lydiabell, spread the Life on Mars love, and save me from terrible, powerful, armed cereta?

Thank you in advance!

First of all, it has now been explained to me what GIP means. I can't tell you how long I've been wondering about that one. Yes, this is not my proudest moment, but stick with me-- it's going to get worse.

As you can see, I now have ...{drum roll}... an icon! Yes, the mysterious, PhD-level of computer engineering, once only available to computer experts like... all of you, is now finally in my hands!! tzikeh not only made me a House icon (obligatory House squee!), but knew me well enough to tell cereta that the next time I was over at cereta's house, she should take me up to her office, sit me down at her computer, sign me into my lj account, then talk me through-- very, very slowly-- exactly how one takes a picture and makes it into one's lj icon. The whole process was very reminiscent of Q telling James Bond over a radio transmitter how to diffuse a nuclear bomb. Not a bad analogy, actually, since I felt quite certain through much of it that if I pushed the wrong button, I would either blow up Lucy's computer or crash the entire lj server, thus ensuring the enmity of all of fandom. Imagine if that blackout weekend had been due to an ignorant, partially luddite fan instead of bad weather! This is why I never ventured into this dangerous icon territory-- for the greater good of us all!

But with Jessica's kind donation and Lucy's advanced-level computer expertise, I now have AN ICON.

And shit! I just posted too! I haven't done that since June of 2004! It's a banner day!

Thank you, Jessica and Lucy, for your kind understanding and instruction to a perennially clueless fan. And thank you to House, which rocks my world enough to inspire me to take the risky step of of getting An Icon.

As I told TaraLJC, I finally decided it was ridiculous for me to keep reading my friends' friends lists. Why not get my own LJ and my own friends list and cut out the middle-man? And I'm gonna pass the savings on to you!

I fear I shall be as much of a lurker in LJ as I am on mailing lists. I'll probably pattern myself after the whatssnoo school of livejournal-keeping. ;) But it's still good to have the journal to see what's going on and be connected.