I know there are stages of grief. I'm trying to move past the anger and hatred. I did have a good conversation last night with my ex and I woke up feeling better today. I don't want to hate her. I really don't and I want her to be happy. She wants to try again but I don't know if I can do that and I told her just seeing the lack of her involvement with our boys has really changed my opinion of her. I understand how she raised and just with whom her father is, it's the only way she knows. Her parents live outside DC thankfully so we only went there to visit a couple of times. That house was so cold...emotionally and physically. She has a brother (she had two actually) and he's not like them. He's full of life and just such a different person from them. He embraces you when he sees you and you know he means what he's saying to you and you know if he likes you, you're really special. Her mom is quiet. I've known my ex since....sheesh...1998...and I found out in 2004 that there once was another brother that had drowned when he was quite young. My ex didn't even tell me, her other brother did. There's not a trace of him in the entire house. Ben told me it changed them completely and no one really speaks about him and he didn't know why. So I get how she is it's what she knows. When we met though she was fun and funny and she was a Duke alumni and I was UK and we had so much fun with our basketball banter and we would play tricks on the other ones college stuff in the house and we laughed so much. She moved to Columbus for me and she didn't want to. Her dad wanted her back in DC working at his firm. I know the kind of law she does she needs to be closer to DC but she gave that up for me and came here. I know she hates it here & all her real friends are back there. I have 6 sisters and an Italian mother and that can be a lot on a girl. My family is completely different from hers. We're in your business, we're calling each other every day, we're randomly stopping by without notice. It was a huge adjustment for her. It was a big sacrifice. She's told me over and over she wasn't happy here that if we could try it in DC that I would like it and that I would only be 8 hours away from my family. But I was so selfish and scared, Columbus is all I've really known.

So last night when I told her I didn't think I could work it out she told me she was moving back after the divorce is final. She has been looked at by a firm in Baltimore and she will most likely accept it. She said she would come back to Columbus 4 days a month to be with the boys and that they could come there on long weekends and school breaks. She said we could all go and start over. I don't think I can do that. I don't think I could make it without the support of my family. Her family wouldn't really support us. You have to be invited to dinner at her parents house. We crash my parents house weekly and enjoy family dinner all the time. My kids don't really even know her parents and have said they aren't like other grandparents. They would enjoy being around Ben. He loves them. He's the biggest guy I know - 6'3, 275lbs, he played college football at Georgia and now coaches high school football. Has two beautiful daughters and he's an amazing father. He calls my guys every week. He's even come to visit us since the separation.