I can't believe what i'm feeling inside, i just want to run and hide, hide away from this pain, these feelings of being unwanted, unappreciated, neglected. People say i love you, i care for you, i'm glad to know you, but i ask myself do they really mean it? Do they really know who i am? I give too much of myself away, I feel i have nothing that's mine. I've shared everything i have with so many people and for what? What my feelings mean to me, what i care about most, means nothing to the people i tell it to. To you it's just another bit of gossip, some more meaningless information that will be tossed aside and forgotten, but to me it's so much more. To me it's the little and important parts of my life that i willingly share in the hope that you will listen, in the hope that you will care. I cry to you, i laugh with you, i listen to you, but i care about what you say, i remember and try my best to help with any problems. I realise now that all the people who i have in my life, take me for granted, use me and that see me as just another girl who sees life so positively, i now realise that i have always overlooked this and pretended they really liked me, cared and appreciated me being there, but it's all a lie. They toss me aside as soon as they get what they want but always come back when they are ready to use me again, when they need me again. But i feel in the end i always get thrown away to never be remembered, to be forgotten and replaced by something better. It hurts that i have a constant pain in my chest, a neverending reminder of all the poeple i have loved and trusted have hurt me in ways i could never imagine. I sit here and wonder how people could be so selfish and heartless, why they could hurt someone and then brush them off like a bit of dirt on their hands. Life is all one big lie, and the people are all so fake, so self-centered. Everyone does things so in the end it works out better for them. But that's not what it's about. You have to find someone really special, that's there for you and treat them with the same kindness and respect that they show you. But i have not found this, and doubt i ever will. I have not come across anyone to be like this. So who do i turn to? i Have nothing to lose anymore as it's all been given out only to be trampled on moments later. I don't want to share myself with anyone anymore, noone deserves to be feeling the way i do. From now on, what's mine is going to stay mine, I will no longer give out my most treasured qualities and i will now hide away from everyone, so i will hopefully never be found.
Laura
cranky
melancholy