Interfaith Love

I have friends that span the religious, political, age, and social spectrum. I like this. This is an aspect of my life that is important - friends and family that are different and individuals that routinely have opposing viewpoints challenge me and help me grow. Here in our own home, we are also different, I'm a somewhat observant Jew (though I realize that may mean nothing to those that notice and take issue with the fact that I am indeed writing this out on Shabbat), and my boyfriend is a spiritual person who was not raised in an environment of organized religion, and is quite happy with that - though his 'influence' is christian in nature. He is also slightly more conservative than I am, but also quite a bit more anarchistic in his approach to things. This is all good for us.

Hanukah isn't the biggest holiday of the year for Jews, and I've heard a lot of talk about the attempts in America to make it "jewish christmas" - both in the positive and negative light. From the Hebrew word for "dedication" or "consecration", Hanukkah marks the re-dedication of the Temple in Jerusalem after its desecration by the forces of the King of Syria and commemorates the "miracle of the container of oil". According to the Talmud, at the re-dedication following the victory of the Maccabees over the Seleucid Empire, there was only enough consecrated olive oil to fuel the eternal flame in the Temple for one day. Miraculously, the oil burned for eight days, which was the length of time it took to press, prepare and consecrate fresh olive oil. The point of the oil was to celebrate Sukkot, which had been delayed by the war - so it's basically a minor miracle that allowed the temple to be re-dedicated to celebrate a bigger, more important holiday. It's this concept - that we've been given something to allow us to recognize something more important - that my boyfriend and I have taken on as our Hanukkah tradition.

He is the best gentile boyfriend a Good Jewish Girl could hope for - he attends shul with me though he doesn't love it, but takes something interesting out every week we are there, and loves the Torah reading and the sermon. Likewise, with the holidays, he isn't required (obviously) to do any of the observations or keep any mitzvot, but he attends the seder with me at Pesach, and respects the fasting I do on Yom Kippur, though he doesn't fast with me - he did once, just to be able to relate to the experience. So for Hanukkah, a rather minor holiday that is overshadowed by the secular Christmas celebrations, and the very vocal Christian population that wants to remind everyone that "Jesus is the reason for the season" - we needed to find something that would bring us together and not overrule one person's background with that of the other.

We have three beautiful hanukiah that we light each night - one my boyfriend picked out for himself, one that was a gift from a friend, and one I bought on my own a few years back. The boyfriend lights his each night, and I light mine, and we share in the lighting of the third, ostensibly "the cat's menorah." And then, each night, we sit on the floor, listen to music, and list things we are thankful/grateful for, one for each candle (and we also try to project what the cat might be thankful for as well). It prompts some beautiful and intimate conversation - such as my boyfriend's proposition that the cat, if she knew enough to realize it, would be thankful that we don't actually live in Israel, and have regularly scheduled drills to the bomb shelters, or being thankful that we *can* "publish the miracle" of Hanukkah without fear of reprisal in our neighborhood (despite not seeing any other lights in windows facing the park in the middle of our complex.) I say the blessings, we don't sing Maoz Tsur (though I occasionally play a recorded version of it) and we don't play with a dreidel. Likewise, a week from now is Christmas, "his" holiday - and I expressed a willingness to get a tree or put up lights as he sees fit (which he ended up deciding against this year, for his own personal reasons.) He will open the presents his parents sent him for Christmas, while they sent me 8 small packages to open during hanukkah. Last night, after lighting the candles, and then lighting the shabbat candles, and serving shabbat dinner (which for us is typically NOT a chicken meal, it's tuna steaks cooked in a tomato broth with peas, from an italian jewish cookbook) - we call our families, who each live in separate states. And then for us, the rest of the evening is spent together, talking, sharing, thinking, or just sitting together. This is our holiday. The December Dilemma has been supplanted by a new, personal tradition that reflects and understands the needs for both our pasts, and our combined future.

Shabbat Shalom, Chag Sameach, and Blessings to you.

Crossposted to my journal, WeirdJews, Interfaith Love, and JBCS

Just thought I would share this - as it just popped into my head...


On another community, there was a discussion about the december issues with mixed faith families, in-laws, etc.

My boyfriend is not Jewish, I am.

My knee jerk reaction was "hannukah, small, no big deal, no christmas, not my holiday."

But, it's his secular holiday. Someone in this other community posted "For our family it is a larger issue to be compassionate and kind than hold the letter of the law and keep separate. "

I know he loves his holiday stuff. So I decided to have an interfatih shabbat party on the last night of hannukah this year, and get a small tree for trimming, and invite friends over for the whole shebang. Many of his secular/gentile friends can see how we do hannukah, and my jewish friends can see how we do christmas. I think it's going to be the perfect blend of respect and honor for each other.


Now.....do I tell him? Or surprise him with a tree and decorations in a box that day?

One thing that has struck me lately is that despite DH being Christian and my being Jewish, I find his faith supportive and inspiring. We've gone through some rough issues the past year or so (not in the relationship, in "life") and his first instinct is to pray. From his perspective, G-d hasn't failed him yet. So when this latest stumbling block hit (one that I am pretty certain we are going to lose out on) it amazes me in some ways that he still says to "just pray" about it. This situation we are dealing with is far worse for him than for me, yet he has so much faith. Even though it doesn't have me converting or anything I do find it inspirational and I find myself praying more and having more faith of my own.

Just a example of it being possible for two people of different faiths to share faith without sharing specific belief...

I've seen lots of you sign up, and approved your memberships. Please step forward and introduce yourselves! I'd love to hear from everyone/anyone in the crowd.

Welcome, and if you have any thoughts, concerns, interests you want to see discussed, or even added to the interest list, that would be great. If you don't feel comfortable making a whole post about yourself as an introduction, feel free to comment here with the cliff notes version!

And welcome!!!

Hello! I'm Rachel, I'm the mod of this community, and so I figured I'd start the discussion off with an intro:

I'm in my (cough-cough) 30s, and living in Denver, Colorado.

I'm from a religiously vague family. My grandmother was raised in an interfaith household (jewish and catholic), she married a baptist, raised my mother lutheran, and my mother raised me with exposure to a milion different things. We would have a seder one year, and christmas the next. 3+ years ago, I started the path to convert to judaism (which is 99.9% done - I have a meeting next week with the rabbi to determine the 'next steps').

A year ago, I met a very special man, and our relationship quickly developed into something serious. Whether or not we will get married is still up for discussion, however, he was raised in a non-religious household, with general cultural exposure to christian holidays.

Obviously, if we do get married, have children, etc, I want to raise them in a Jewish home, with Jewish values, and Jewish cultural influences. My dear partner asked me last night (on the way home from the synaogue) "what if our kids don't *want* to be Jewish? What if they want a Christmas Tree?"

Ahh....the nature of an interfaith relationship. This, combined with some discussions and issues arising in some of our close friends' relationships, prompted the creation of this group.

So there you have it. Looking forward to reading what lovely contributions and discussions and experiences everyone can bring to the group!

This group is for discussion of interfaith relationships. We are not judgmental, but open and caring. We ask that you be the same.

Being in an interfaith relationship is inherently a challenge of openness - your belief system can be challenged by your most intimate relationship, and if children enter the picture, it becomes even more challenging.

Issues like weddings, holidays, modesty, communication, gender roles, and many more are welcome here. We are open and accepting of straight, gay or unusual relationship pairings, however, please keep the topics to interfaith issues.

Also, if you can add to our lists of interests, please do so!

I am currently allowing only members to post, and I am moderating member applications, just to ensure that this remains a respectful community. If you feel that you do not want to share your concerns with the world at large, feel free to friends-lock your post - only members will be able to see it.



If there is anything that you have a question about, please feel free to contact the moderator of this community, chatnoire  (that's me!) and definitely introduce yourself!