innae

My husband and I had some home updates to get done.  Primarily, repainting inside, and new flooring.  So, seems like a good time to go on a road trip.   We were gone a month, and I got my last five states colored in (Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina and lucky #50 North Carolina).  I also visited 15 bookstores (13 independents and two run by the local friends of the library groups), and purchased more than 15 books.   We saw friends in Texas, Arkansas, Florida, and South Carolina.  We saw some family in Tennessee.  It was a glorious trip.  Until today...the last day...200 or so miles from home, just across the border in Kansas.   The Polestar (which has been a delight this trip...the EV apparently has finally realized it loves us) miscalculated how much energy was needed, and it died 30 feet from the charger in Goodland Kansas.  So, call our insurance which has roadside assistance....but alas — that really doesn't apply to EVs.   After some back and forth, they said "good luck — we can't help you" joy.   So we try calling some local towing companies...they can't/won't help mostly because it is an EV.   ARRRG.   I stress cried a bit, but did some googling and we tried a few other plans...no joy.  Ok...so we are stuck in Goodland for the weekend?  well...let me try one last time, see if the hour rest was enough for our car to have enough juice to roll 30 feet to the charger.  and, magic happened, and it did!   and we sat around for about an hour to get all good and charged up, and were able to head out.   Thought we could get home before noon...ended up around 3pm.   oh well.  at least we are home.   But!  remember the painting and the floors?  yeah, the house is still all taken apart (we knew this..heck, we did this before we left...so they could paint, and put in new flooring) — but it means the house is not quite the refuge I needed it to be.   And one of the fire alarms decided to give up the ghost, and so we went and got a new battery...tried that and fail...the alarm is good and dead.  But still beeps three chirps every hour.   so, pulled that sucker down and it is out in the garage...or maybe the trash?  I am not sure, but we will need to replace that, in addition to getting our house back in order.    Luckily the master bedroom is still ok (it got painted before we left, and it just has a bunch of crap from the other rooms stacked in it...but we can sleep in there)   sigh.  its good to be home?  

I am blaming menopause, but it just as easily could be the patriarchy.  My mood is low, my energy is low, everything is low.   my house is falling apart, in a first world problem kind of way, but still.   I am just...low.  

So, yesterday was the first one.  Without her.  I scrolled back through my voice mails to find one where she sang me happy birthday.  and I cried.   I miss her so much, it just doesn't seem fair that she is gone.  I mean, I knew it would happen eventually — but it was too soon.   She should have had 10 more years...like grandma.   I have my appointment to get a tattoo, and I am going all in...not just one rose on my forearm, but a sleeve, well half of one. I am excited and nervous, and sad.  Yeah, I'm sad.   

I haven't been feeling like myself for awhile.  but now, today? i feel more like myself than i have in ages — but it's myself that is sad and feels bad about everything they have ever said or done.  i just don't feel like i belong anywhere right now.  i am not sure where i DO belong, but it's not here.  

I have been volunteering at the Friends of the Aurora Public Library Book Outlet since June of 2018.   I just wanted a place to volunteer when I retired, and a bookstore? brilliant.   And it has been.  I get all the benefits of owning a bookstore with none of the headaches.  We are 100% volunteer run, so our overhead is rent, utilities, and a few other things, but mostly we are able to pass our profits on to the Library.  Last year that meant $70,000  (not all from bookstore profits, we do get donations and such as well, but!!).   

What this means for my Mt TBR?   I am over 1000 books, over 600 of them are physical books at my house.  That is crazy.  Super Crazy.   Because in addition to seeing the books that get donated, I have also met many wonderful new book friends, who all have books to recommend.  Some of them more emphatic than others.   

When will it end?   I assume, when I die.  Because buying books makes me happy, and just having them makes me happy, and reading them makes me happy.   Books are good.  More books is better.   ALL the books would be the bestest, but then I would need a new house, with a foundation designed for all the books.   Did you hear about the woman whose house is sinking because of all the books?  Yeah, I'm not there....yet.  

(In case you want to check out the store...https://linktr.ee/faplbookoutlet)&…

This convention is a fairly new convention in the scheme of things, and I volunteered for it this year.   It benefits Julie's Friends (which is a charity that helps low-income families pay their vet bills). I thought, helping out animals while I get to bond with bookish folk?  perfect.   This is the last time (after my shift tomorrow) I will be volunteering, at least until it gets a little less chaotic.   It was just CHAOS today.   The volunteers?  lovely!  the authors and narrators? Perfect and sweet the organization of the event? chaos.   

I had an odd little goal this year, one that started when I signed up for MANY contests (to win books) that often required signing up for newsletters — where they send you free books!  (granted they are usually on Kindle, and are often short novellas to get you hooked on characters)   So, once I started getting close to 1000 books on my Mt TBR that I actually own, I thought, well that seems like a ridiculous goal, and thus it began — or continued.   And today is the day I reached the magic number — so of course I will stop acquiring new books and only read books from Mt TBR...of course I will.