inanna's demesne

So...i haven't posted here in 4 years.... so much has happened in that time. 2 surgeries... my mother died suddenly and unexpectedly... my friend J chose death with dignity after terminal cancer diagnosis... i've lost a dog and 4 cats... and gained 4 cats... gained money... major car accidents....pain/healing/pain... gained a local daughter... sent a son off to university... took up archery and glassblowing... house a mess... new cars... travel.

So... what does LJ offer me? What do i have to offer LJ? Most of my friends don't use LJ as regularly... which is why i shifted to FB.

So, i do read LJ pretty much daily. But i haven't opened my computer since mid-October (until today)... if i can't easily do it on my iphone, i don't do it. Which means i don't respond or post often as anything more than a few words to a sentence or two is a pain in the ass.

The good news, my boys are doing better in their schoolwork. Both boys are now training Karate with me.
Just doing more in real life and less life in front of a computer screen.

There are a bunch of my friends who are posting pro-choice and anti-choice ("pro-life") links, articles, and images. Rather than post in reply to each one - here is where i stand. 

Pro-choice says that every child should be wanted and born into a safe and loving environment - the choice to have a child or not have a child is a sacred and personal choice. Pro-choice people support women who choose to have children and keep them. Pro-choice people support those who have children and give them into loving, adopted families. And, Pro-choice people support women who make the decision not to carry a child to term.

The other end is anti-choice. They are not pro-life. They don't believe every child should be born into a safe and loving environment and should be wanted by the parent(s). They think that every chance fertilization - whether through force, lack of education, or mischance - MUST be carried to term... after which very few show care about the quality of life the child (or its parents and/or siblings) will endure. They are not pro-life... they think that children should be used as a punishment for women who are "sluts" or "loose" or "cheap" - and damn the child right along with the woman. They don't offer to pay for all the women's and infants' and children's medical, living, and educational expenses. i don't see the anti-choice people standing out in front of clinics with their homes and checkbooks open, offering each woman a safe place to live, food, work, education, and a guaranteed safe place for her child (what do you mean you can't afford another child, a disabled child, a mixed-race child, a child of incest with a high likelihood of genetic problems... that you are too young, too old, too poor, or just not able to be a parent... THOSE obviously aren't good answers - if they don't apply to the women walking up, they don't apply to you). No, they work with shame, degradation, and abuse - not loving care for children. And let's not even discuss the torment and pain that many women do experience being forced to carry a child to term against their will...

This isn't about pro-choice v. pro-life. This is about making women (and children) chattel - objects of abuse and ridicule and shame in order to support a power-over system that ignores reality for a misogynistic fantasy.

This is about supporting women in all their choices (pro-choice) and those who care for nothing but forced breeding and think women should be nothing but brood mares (anti-choice). 

If you are pro-choice, we stand together.

If you are anti-abortion for yourself and know that any egg within you that gets fertilized will be born, no matter the situation, because you know for you it is the only choice - AND acknowledge that others can and do make other choices and that is their right and you'll support them, then we stand together. 

If you are a forced-birther (meaning you feel that every woman should be forced to give birth every time an egg is fertilized); if you feel that the choice that is right for you is the ONLY choice (and then it isn't a choice, is it?) and that you will do all you can to keep women from making sure that every child is wanted, then we do NOT stand together. Please remove yourself from my friend's list and my life.

I fully support women who choose abortion. I fully support women who choose adoption. i fully support women who choose to give birth and keep their children. If you are a friend who could never choose to abort a pregnancy, I support you, too. Even women who should not be allowed to raise children (and by that I mean actively abusive parents - you know the ones who make the news for starving, beating, raping, murdering their children) should have the right to choose whether or not they give birth. Period

... although it may be a bit uncomfortable.

i started a blog for NaPoWriMo... i only made it 11 days in.. .but that is better than i've ever done before. But... i have decided to continue to publish poetry there from time to time when i have writings.

That being said, here is a link to my most recent poem... I Stand Here Naked

Hi Seattle Friends... can you come to our rescue?

We are in the market for a station wagon or a minivan. We need it to be a strong runner with minimal issues (we can do brake pads, oil change - not head gaskets or full brake replacement). We can afford about $5k max - we have been approved for a loan - for a private (not dealer) sale the seller would have to meet us at a branch of our Credit Union with the title and they'll cut the seller a check directly, just so you know.

Anyone have good leads? We don't really want a Dodge Caravan or a Saturn wagon (dodge we have had before and gave up after 3 transmissions - saturn because they are no longer in business).

thanks!

My sweet sister-of-my-heart, mistress_gaelan, came to visit today and it was wonderful. She has been taking classes in Tarot and she came to share some of her lessons. i finally really used my Gaian Tarot deck by Joanna Powell Colbert/. We did a very detailed spread with 34 cards. i will be spending quite a bit of time going into that reading.

Having a quiet morning. wingedelf is off at the Oregon Coast w/ his love. scootercomputer is away for some one-on-one time with his Gramma. So, it is just darkmuffin and i home with the critters. Spent some time on the phone with a dear friend, with my niece, and with my sister. Then darkmuffin and i played some Team Fortress 2... until blood sugar and the movement of the game made me nauseous. So he brought me breakfast in bed. :)

We'll play some more in a bit... then we'll meet my mom and scootercomputer for some food and to retrieve the boy... then home for some housework/schoolwork. Not sure when wingedelf will be home - sometime before "night." :)

Last night was pretty wonderful. darkmuffin and i were joined by my friend A and her daughter W... we went to see the New Works rep at the Pacific Northwest Ballet. One world premier and two more PNB premiers. They went from most closely resembling ballet to not at all like ballet (other than it was choreographed on ballet dancers). We all had a really great time and i am glad we did it. i get to see it again next Friday with wingedelf and then a third time on Saturday with wingedelf and his love. i am SO glad i really enjoyed it... if i hadn't, then Friday/Saturday would be really unpleasant experiences. i am especially looking forward to see it from a couple different vantage points. Last night we were in the Second Tier (love those $28 seats... especially with a BOGO free coupon), so i was able to get a vision of the big picture. Next Friday we'll see it from our standard seats - Orchestra Center, row D (4 rows back from the stage) - which means we'll really be able to see the expressions and fine movements of the dancers, but we do miss the big picture view. i'm not sure exactly where our Saturday tickets are, but i suspect they are Second Tier again... but not the same seats so it'll look a bit different... oh and next weekend will have different casts dancing the roles, so that will be fun, too!

Next year i am going to make a point to pick up extra PNB bogo coupons from the Chinook Book (from those who buy them but won't be using them) - i think i'd like to make this a bit of a tradition.

Well... inanna came available... and so i have changed to the online name i started with ALL those decades ago!

But... for those who are confused... this IS damashita... :)

Somehow my elder son is in the midst of puberty. i don't know how it happened. Just the other day he was my little boy. Now, he is growing taller, growing hair, his voice is changing, and so are other things.

He is such a wonderful young man. Not a boy... a young man. And, for all he can push my buttons better than about any other human being on earth at this time... i love him more than i can express.

i abhor hormonal shifts. i don't know they are coming, not really... each month is different, some are bad, some are just eh. And when they hit... i go from a relatively sane individual to an irrational bitch in moments. Often in the middle of a conversation or event.

The other thing is that situations that are... mostly (or barely) tolerable but not ideal... become intolerable. So, it isn't that i say things i don't mean... because they are things that have been bothering me... but they come out with no filters, no gentleness.

This is why "this time of the month" is so difficult. It comes on quickly and has no compassion. Well.. .that isn't even true. In my mind i can hear the kind me screaming i don't want to do this... that it is too much, too far, too cruel, will serve no good, will only cause drama... but that part is in a box that cannot be voiced. Sometimes i can write it down. But mostly it just gets smothered by everything else.

If i (and my beloveds) are lucky, i can catch it quickly and isolate myself. This month we weren't so lucky.

i can't say i am sorry for... what i was feeling. My anger, my frustration, my sadness, my isolation... those are all real things that don't get acknowledged very often. But i am sorry that things came out the way they did - the pain that they caused coming out and the wounds in our relationships that won't slip away with the hormone changes - for those things i am sorry... and it adds to the shame and depression that is already present with the hormones and the aftermath.