After working on my dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking) documentary for over a year and a half, the trailer is out! Please share this in other online communities you are involved in, and to anyone. I want this video to go viral for the people who need to see it. Thank you!
HI, I'm not sure if this is the right group for me. But I am looking for advice, although I feel I know what the right answer is.
So here we go. I have been living with my girlfriend for two years, until last week, when I left. This has gone unaddressed for so long because I care about her, and I have been raising her daughter, now 3, for the two years, she is 3. She was completely dependent on me. This past week is also the first time I have told anyone what has been going on.
Here are her symptoms:
Abuse both verbal and physical. It has gotten worse and worse. The day I left she pulled a knife on me, and also slashed my arm open with marker. She also knows how much I love the baby and made the comment "I will take the baby away, and you will never see her again, and you will not ever recover." The comment was just too much for me, and I had spent the first three days of the now week sleeping in my car and crying nonstop. I didn't want to go to anyone because I was afraid of losing the child. I left though because the child is three, and I realized if i leave when she is 5 or ten she may never recover. I have no rights to the child, she is not biologically mine. The damage she has caused to items of mine is somewhere around 5000 dollars and includes at least 20 items I can think of. She has hit me many many times. I have never hit her back, but I have grabbed and restrained her twice. She gets to the point to what she calls "black out rage".
Extreme Paranoia: Most of our fights started over crazy accusations. Anything from me cheating on her, which I never have ever done. I don't even have friendships with any women, to stealing her things when she miss places them, to her thinking I didn't care about her.
Depression: She has been depressed on and off since I have known her, and this is one of the symptoms she admits to.
Anxiety: This is the other symptom she admits too and just thinks that this is the reason for everything.
Major trust issues: She has had a very rough life, and I really feel bad for her. She will snap and get abusive for anything. One example is on my way home from work I will call and ask her is she needs anything. She will then quiz me for five minutes to try and see if I was sincere about asking for.
Separation and feeling thretened: I have slowly lost the majorit yof my friendships and my relationships with my family. She always said that she thought they didn't like her or wouldn't except her.
Everything was my fault: Two good examples would be one night she was in the ER post op, and she was suffering from dehydration(which she insisted wasn't the case). The only ER doctror on shift was one that she had a previous bad experience with. She burst into tears in front of everyone as soon as she saw him. There were no other doctors on shift. So I pulled the Dr. aside and and was very nice and told him her interpretation of the previous experience, and begged him to please be extremely nice and patient with her. There was even a male nurse, who was awsome and also confronted the dr. and was overly supportive. In the end she has yelled at me for a month since abuot how I didn't have her back.
Sensitivity to any medications: She has not sought any mental help other than attempts at low dose anti-anxiety medications from her general doctor. She does have two well known health problems that require daily treatment, but she won't take any medication, saying that it makes her like a "zombie" and weak. This includes child doses and now somewhere around 50 medications she has tried.
"Game Playing": She will say she is leaving and contact her enitre family asking for a place to stay stating some wild accusation I did, and then kick me out. But then a day or two later she will contact me flipping out at the thought that I contacted anyone. This also includes double standards in EVERYTHING.
Dependency and need for control: She has to have control and access to everything I do. I work roughly 50 hours a week and talk to her via text the majorit of that, she does not work. Well money was needed to puchase her a car because her lease was up and we wanted to be able to get a house when our lease was up, so I picked up a night job two nights a week. The night job required me to be in one place, one mile from the house, and my schedule was known a month in advance via email, and I would forward her the email. She convinced herself that I was cheating on her by having the employer fake the schedule and I then must have paid the employer, who then would write me checks back to me.
So for the last two years I have began to be convinced by her that the behavior and the life we lived as normal. I slowly but surely somewhat believed it. I have been locked out of the home, I pay for, overnight probably twenty times. it has gotten worse and worse and I only came out with this because I can't stand the thought of the child wondering where her daddy was when she soon gets to an age she will remember me for life. I have also been told that my role in all of this is making the issues worse by enabling her.
Since I have left I offered to pay for help for her, and told her that I was getting help as well because I need it, and I know she can't stand feeling like she is the problem. My couselor that I went to last week and medical professionals I know have told under no circumstances can I go back to the house. And that any help she seeks will only benefit her if she really wants help. She has told me that I am turning my back on her and betraying her. It all is just so hard, and I know how capable she is to operate out of spite. And she probably wants to hurt me any way she can. So who knows what she is doing I just try not to think about it.
So I joined the group for support, and to maybe get an idea of what she has. And what I can do if anything to help. I realize that our relationship may just be over. But even if it is I still want to help her if I can.
hey everyone! I'm new so I wanted to introduce myself,
I'm Luukas I've been through a lot and right now I am dealing with some personality-identity issues, I had to deal with being sexually abused and the pain of being rejected by my family for saying 'lies', but I'm feeling better about that now, I thought I'd join to this community to share experiences with people on this place and make friends hopefully, so yeah, hey)
"It gets better." I've noticed this message and other messages of hope and support put out in the wake of the suicides of several gay teens. It's made me reflect back on my own personal struggles and how much has changed since then. Whether you're gay or not, bullied or not, we all can experience dark times in our lives. It can feel terrible and inescapable, but you can break free. It gets better.
Looking back through one of my old journals, I found an entry dated 6-7-02, in the midst of my depression, in which I had a revelation that I was going to die by suicide. Thought about posting the whole thing, but it is rather personal. Here is an excerpt:
"I don't want to hurt anyone... I just don't know what to do. I've wasted so much already. I can't see myself going anywhere in the future. I have so many dreams that can't come true. So many impossible fantasies that I've wasted time hoping for..."
Eight years later I am achieving the dreams I could once only wish for. I am in movies. I have an imdb page. I have my Associate's degree and I'm two semesters away from getting my Bachelor's. I see a future. I see freedom and open doors. I feel so much more self-confident. I am doing things I simply could not have done back then.
It is hard to believe that I could go from where I was before, feeling so utterly dark and hopeless, to where I am now. I have made an amazing transformation socially, mentally. And most importantly, I am still here to experience this change, to see my dreams fulfilled. No matter how dark it may seem, it is possible to break free. It gets better. <3
Hey y'all. So, I'm not going to get into the whole story here but basically there's a thing happening in a couple of weeks that is going to make me extremely extremely anxious, and my psychiatrist won't give me any meds for it cos he doesn't want to "enable" me doing this thing (which is bullshit, but that's a whole other discussion). So, does anyone have any suggestions for what the fuck else I can do to calm down (other than cutting...)? Thanks in advance.
Angela Hartlin's memoir, FOREVER MARKED: A Dermatillomania Diary has finally been released! Please join her Facebook Fan page to spread word about this skin picking disorder along with her experiences with it.
People with this disorder have traits of Body Dysmorphic Disorder and usually suffer from depression. It is an Impulse Control Disorder that is fueled by high levels of anxiety. The first few pages can be previewed at the Lulu.com site, which includes a better definition of Dermatillomania.
Even if you do not have Facebook, the prices are listed there for Canadian, American, and International buyers. If you do, please spread the word of the fan page to everyone on your friend's list, even if you have to tell them that you're spreading the word for a friend! We need to raise awareness about this silent disorder and help break the stigma on mental health in general. You never know who is suffering in isolation from having this condition.
Please e-mail forever.markedATyahoo.ca if you want to purchase from Angela directly; she offers a lower shipping price than Lulu.com does. Include the country that you live in and she can send you a quote. She ships the day she gets a payment (or the day after), then sends an e-mail to confirm that it was sent.
Hey people. How are you? I`m fine, could be better, but i am fine. Havent hurt my self for weeks now :-) Yay me..
The women i work for, Britt, says that i get tired to fast after running and sutch (i dont know the exactly word in english, but in norwegian it is "dårlig kondis"). Well, she`s not the one who have to runn beside the horse (while the kids are horse-back-riding) for 15 minutes or something like that!!!! I have heard her, and she is starting to breath heavily beside the horse (while it runs) to.. So why is she complaining about me?? Every horse-back-riding lessen is 45 minuttes. And today it is one at 17:00, the next one at 18:00, and one after that. (I think it one after that too, but i am not sure). And i have to help her with at the two first lessons.. Blah... And tomorrow it is tree or four lessons, And i have to help at two first lessons tomorrow to i think. And Britt usually let the kids trot half the lesson or something lik that..
On the positive side, she says that i am good at talking to the kids, and finding how i chould talk to every kid:) So thats good. AND, Felix, the horse i love the most, is comming back to our stable this weekend :D <3
But still am kind of tired of everything, and kind of sad for some reason. People sais that what other people sais about you should not listening too. But i cant stop it :( When other people sais bad things about me or something i get sad and kind of just wants to cry.... :( N
I'm having trouble focusing today so I'm going to have to re-read this later; however, seems to strongly resonate with personal experience and my Dr's orders... my depression totally went away on it's own when I started treatment for hypoglycemia and promptly comes back if I eat high-GI foods.
im a 26 year old female. i live in california. i have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and bulimia. ive been diagnosed with bipolar, ocd and borderline for 9 years (but have suffered from them for much longer than that) and i was diagnosed with bulimia 5 years ago.
ive also been diagnosed with a couple of other things that i believe were misdiagnoses, such as schizoaffective and adhd and bipolar with psychotic features. i dont see those disorders in myself, but the first 4 are definately accurate.
i have also self injured by cutting and burning myself for the last 12 years on and off.
currently i am in recovery for my eating disorder and im stable on meds- seroquel, luvox, and wellbutrin. i just got out of the hospital a couple weeks ago for overdosing on my seroquel and consequently am trying to turn my life around. im going to overeaters anonymous 5 days a week, NA one day a week, group therapy 4 times per week, and individual therapy basically every other week.
Today in the buss to work (ten minutes driving with buss/car) the buss was full of young people (about 18-20 years old or around there) :( I could feel my heart was starting to work faster, and the anguish-feeling came and would not leave!! Actually it was kind of stuck there for the rest of the day...
The anguish feeling is alwais making problems for me. It comes very often... I get scared for doing something wrong, iven when i know i have done it a thousand times before:/
accomplished
distressed
nervous
sad
