you can eat industrial waste if you can stand the taste

since i made an elle jay visit but i just had to share this gem. enjoy.

the five video thing that everybodys doin. No theme...just shit that makes me overdose on happy. and i don't do the tag thing so tag yourself.



1. The Osmonds-Crazy Horses


2.Confusional Quartet-Volare


3.Fuzzbox-Love is the slug


4.Tom Waits-Blow Wind Blow


5.The Renegades-13 Women

this is fucking fantastic

i want this...

we went to disneyland on saturday and it was motherfucking freezing. i ditched the stroller at the haunted house cause it got soaking wet and ruined. it's cool though, thats why i brought the cheap one along. I hate disneyland so much but i have to admit i actually had fun this time. watching lux get stoked on things is indescribeable. best feeling in the world and i'm not gonna deprive him of fun just cause i'm a grumpy asshole. i hate parents that do that. when i was a kid i was pretty much deprived of everything because my parents were in their own world of chaos and now i'm an adult totally lost in life trying to figure out how to maintain sanity and understand myself better. I'm 31 years old stuck with the fucking mentality of a teenager that doesn't have a clue about the future. everyday i wake up with that feeling and it is a sucky place to be. blah blah blah...point being i don't want lux to feel that way or feel that he was ever deprived of love or good times. we are doing pretty good and i learn new things from him everyday. i think he is saving my life. before he came along i was so ready to give up on everything and now i struggle but i am always hopeful and am able to see the sun without wanting to run.

weird things are happening and going through my head. i started seeing a therapist again because i'm just overall dissatisfied with myself and how i handle things or my lack of. i got this really great job and am around more artistically influential people and i'm getting into things that i used think were so ridiculous. going through a spiritual transition i guess. i have tried so many things and i feel at a dead end with myself on somedays. i started reading this book that talks about physical ailments and how certain problems are relative to things that are going on with you emotionally. it sounds really cheesy but it's really accurate. coincidence? maybe. i don't know. and then it gives you an affirmation you are supposed to say daily to help that problem. Oh my god...next thing you know i'm gonna be going to a psychic to get a motherfucking tarot reading. as i laugh at myself...cause this is all just so new and weird to me. I am trying so hard to work on myself cause i don't want to reflect my flaws onto lux and also i just decided that i'm sick of feeling bad all the time. self improvement is a massive bitch and all my friends are alcoholics. i need new friends in a bad way.

every once in a while i visit the elle jay, i'm usually too busy watching you tube videos. it's a horrible obsession. and i love this kid.

nothings more shitty than being dead sick on your favorite holiday. I don't really care about dresing up and going out but i feel too dead to even take lux out trick or treating tonite. I'm gonna do it anyway of course but i' really don't know why i gotta be sick on today of all days. we didn't even get around to making cupcakes or carving pumpkins cause i've been hurtin so bad thinkin i would feel fine by halloween. I feel worse! i feel like such a shitty mom right now.At least we got to the pumpkin patch the othere day and he got to go on buncha rides and pet a bunch of dirty ass animals, we had so much goatshit in our shoes when we got home. petting zoos are disgusting! ughhhh, back to bed.

heres some pictures of lux and dirty goats butthole

lonely as fuck
i miss my son
and i miss my ex-bf and her beautiful family. when and why did shit go so south?
karma is a bitch. so is self improvement. i need a new toy.