please kill me

dear livejournal,

old friend (never a good one), you listened, but never helped. in fact, htere were times you made things much worse for me than they should have been. i have outgrown you. i am too old, too self-involved, and too bored to keep you any longer. i have paper and pen to place all these words on, and a gentle ear to listen to me when i am sad/lonely/happy/goofy/in love. old comrade, you have allowed me to keep in touch with everyone i know (a la bottomshelf), but no one posts anymore, no one cares anymore, and no one has anything to say anymore-

this is includes me.

i have outdated posting songs, one liner epiphanies, and attempting to let people in to the life i have in memphis, but with no conclusive response as to anything other than, "wow, pictures...is that him?" get rid of the songs, get rid of the bad, long, trite stories that most people skim through. get rid of the "i loves", emotional, deep, really, really bad attempts at seeming emotionally overwhelmed. emo isnt music, it s a lifestyle. that lame shit, that s emo.

knock it off.

if you have to say it, say it. im tired of trying to seem deep, sad, thoughtful, smart- if you dont know it already, too bad. im off to open a shop on madison avenue, i want to stay home with jdrhea for life, and ive outgrown everything you see on television. im not cooler than you, i would just rather pick up a book, watch late night tv (only when its funny), and fall asleep with no pants on. id rather go to a show and not drink, i d rather go do my laundry, and sneak a beer in. i want to take the trolley, while my camera hangs death defiantly from the my neck, and act like a tourist in this new city ive come to call my home.

stop posting songs, stop posting recipes, stop posting the soft quip that keeps making people fall in love with you for no reason. im sorry livejournal (no im not), but ive outgrown you. i never thought the day would come when i would mind your watchful eye, but it has brought me heartache, shame, wrath, envy, repulsed gag reflex, and an ever growing impulse to throw my computer out the window every time i read something, whether they are my own words or otherwise.

so long livejournal.
so long.

the former "leah a."

i know it s been a while, gang. you find how easy it is to stay away from your computer when it s sitting on the floor. haaa.

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i dont know if people use livejournal any longer, but i do have pictures to post, if people choose to browse. be aware though, these are *gulp* a little old?

these pictures depict moments in time during our residency at the pink house, a la "white trash party" and "hooking up the new fridge"...there is, like whoa, cleavage in both. you have 5 days to let your opinion be known as to whether you mind or dont mind these pictures; otherwise, i m posting them in all their breasted glory.

i miss you all, seattle-ites and phoenicians.
au revoir!

leah a.

we've all had our beds with one side against the wall at one point in our lives...i assume? we all know what a pain it is to get the sheets and the blanket straight, more specifically on the side thats against the wall...

...i present THE JUMP AND PULL demonstrated by JDRhea.

prepare to have your sides split.
enjoy.

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ive got to think of a solution

thanksgiving calls for wellington.
ive got a job now.
i help deaf people.
call me jesus.

jdrhea brought home double chocolate milanos...while im on a diet! that ratfink. ive got to hide them. on a better note, we have been watching a lot cartoons lately; our "cut up" ratings are through the roof. and on a different note, im crossing my fingers for some glasses soon. im thinking if 'rachel eliza' can pull it off, so can i?

i love you.
all.

i have returned from myself.
i have accepted what the doctors said.
i am going to see a movie that will make me laugh.

i am going back to memphis.
i am going back to changing my life.
i am writing more than i have before.
i am not posting it online.
i am making a masterpiece.

i have been through hell in a week.
i have been sleeping the days away.
i have been drinking pills in the morning.
i have pills to make me fall asleep.

i have a song dedicated to me.
i can appreciate a cover when i hear it.
i am starting to look like a new person.
i want to be married come spring time.
i want everyone to be there.

i want mike schey to call me back.
i want things to make sense.
i want people to stop confusing me.
i want money in my pocket.
i take no shit, i take no prisoners.

to kumquats and apricots!

i have returned from memphis and JDRhea :(


its really hard to keep to myself how much i am madly, deeply, hopelessly in love.
im gay.

click on the picture, you nimrods!



i keep having anxiety attacks when i think about jdrhea+memphis
thats this weekend

i keep calling him for no reason
and i dont have to sleep alone!
i wonder if one of the songs i mailed him will come while im home.

*read up*

there are several things i would like to focus on this morning:

a) moments ago, i was in a live action pissing contest. true story- i found myself sitting in the bathroom stall next to an unknown co-worker when the simultaneous pissing commenced. needless to say, i won.

b) i had an awesome dream about JDRay. i dont remember much- but i remember it being awesome.

c) i woke up to a voicemail from BETH KELLIE, how exciting! she said she was in town and heard that i was in town. perhaps we will catch each other in town together. my current living situation is right next to her situation. schweet.

d) i have always thought starbucks was a joke, but i never minded paying for it. gift certificates/cards always paid for themselves with me. however, no longer having said "starBUCK$", i stick to circle k and kurger king coffees- which currently own a dollar every morning. and cream is always free, thats the best part.

e) if you have not already, check out FAILED PILOT. it is the blog of andy earles, in memphis, tn. just dont send him any letters with lipstick on the envelope.

lastly, listen up jerks- stick with the ones you love. if its your kids, your husband, your parent(s), your sibling(s), or your G/god, stick around. blood isnt thicker than water and love truly is all you need. but you can give up on movie love. stick with whatever gets you through it.

"and goodnite!"

today's agenda:

TWO pieces of great news!
and ONE piece of...bad news

we will start with the good news first, then the bad news, then the GREAT news (depending on how you look at it) last and final. that way, i am not starting anybody off on the wrong foot with the bad news first, although it is countered with TWO pieces of good news immediately following. or, i am not bringing you, the reader(s), up with awesome news, only to be dashed on the rocks of jagged, bitter "hard egg".

good news first:

to julie self, we met on the familiar note: comedy. we were the yucks of our class and proof that outrageous people really can not be considered assholes by fellow peers and coworkers. in that light, we were brought together on one fall day in the year 1998, and in that year, we became friends for life. we sat on your bedroom floor and watched THE STATE, for hours on end (on VHS videotape!)- finalizing our goodbyes with a line from the UCB skit we had barely finished watching. most nites, i left with a full belly from your mom's post roast and mashed potatoes. and your dad (i mean, MY dad) brought me home.

well, dear friend, our day has come:

After ten years of popular demand, The State is available again! The
first season of the critically acclaimed 1993-95 MTV Series will be
released on iTunes Music Store, starting Tuesday, September 26th.
Depending on how many people download, MTV will release subsequent
seasons, and then eventually, hopefully, a DVD.

The first season includes introductions of favorite State characters
Doug, Louie, Barry & Levon. From the minds that brought you RENO 911!,
WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER, and STELLA: Kevin Allison, Michael Ian Black,
Ben Garant, Todd Holoubek, Michael Patrick Jann, Kerri Kenney, Thomas
Lennon, Joe Lo Truglio, Ken Marino, Michael Showalter and David Wain.

and

Look out for these State-member-made MOVIES coming soon:

LET'S GO TO PRISON (November 22)
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM (December 22)
BALLS OF FURY (January 26)
RENO 911! MIAMI (February 23)
THE PLEASURE OF YOUR COMPANY (2007)
DIGGERS (2007)
THE TEN (2007)

julie self, you have made me the happiest girl on planet earth. thanks for making it all happen; we have been waiting forever for this, and now its finally here. we are one step closer.

i love you, dude.
p.s. (heres to the hormone skit)

now, the bad news:

i am broke.
i miss JDRhea.
i miss julie & sarah laws.
i am broke.

and thirdmost, the GREAT news:

i thought about going to edgefest this year for a couple of reasons- a) its in tempe, by the lake. i would love to get shots of edgefest happening by the lake.

b)i have nothing better to do. but i know i will want to leave and hang myself. being by myself is not the issue, it is how much i have come to loathe that environment.

i have done some growing up.
a good city will do that to you.

with that being said, i would like to introduce you to GONERFEST III.

if you have not heard me talk about harlan t. bobo a million times since relocating to memphis, you have been living under the proverbial rock! harlan is on goner records, jay reatard is on goner records, and the leather uppers are on goner records. people/things/smells/music you are familiarized with, almost instantly, in the midtown scene of memphis, tn- despite the fact that you may not even own the album yet.

for me, its all thanks to JDRhea, my hero

originally, plans were to fly JDRhea into phoenix, in order to accomodate my work schedule. having seen the dvd trailer for GONERFEST II, i knew i would miss it terribly if i did not get to go. being the selfish, terrible, inconsiderate leah i can be, i decided to fly JDRhea into phoenix on GONERFEST weekend.

...i couldnt wait to see him!

but as i hit the goner site more and more, and felt the approaching tension of GONERFEST, which i was initally excited to experience, i knew i had made a HUGE mistake. however, i was able to switch the ticket, and hence, from SEPT 28th to OCT 2nd, i will be in memphis, watching this trainwreck right before my eyes.

best part is, that club you keep seeing, the club in the video...thats behind our house! more than likely, we will wake up around noon every day, shower, and drag our asses down the block to the hi-tone. i freaking love memphis. its like a smaller, southern-er seattle with a ton more black people in it.

(thanks again J.)