Spam, Viagra y demás alegrías inesperadas

21.17 - En mi casa haciendo el perro más absoluto for the first time in.., who knows?
(mi cuñada ha apuntado solícita que en todo caso haría la "perra", pero creo que no estábamos hablando de lo mismo...)

Hola a todos, mi pobre puñadito de abandonados seguidores. I have no apology to offer for taking this long to enter into your screens. A cambio espero que disfrutéis de una ardua labor de investigación comparativa de técnicas de márketing, llevada a cabo durante semanas. Digo más, MESES. Quizá debería intentar colarlo como PAC en la UOC (sí, todas las siglas de esa maldita institución suenan a finlandés). Al fin y al cabo, apuesto lo que sea a que los títulos de Spam que veréis a continuación están traducidos automáticos del chino.

Y por echarnos unas risas que no quede.

The thing is, hace un tiempo empecé a apuntar los mensajes de Spam de online pharmacy viagra que me parecían más graciosos de la ingente cantidad que nos llegan al trabajo (a mí a casa no me llegan tantos... no quiero pensar por qué opinan que en las direcciones "serias" somos un mejor target). Quizá, solo quizá, en el origen de mi impulso recopilatorio estaba la necesidad de abrir estupidas notitas en mi amadísimo iPod (Sorry, JM, look what they did to me :( ). Lo he llamado iPod a secas por dignidad, pero acabo de recordar la posibilidad de que me lea alguien externo, así que... fuck it, Damon. Se llama Damon.

A continuación presento mi selección

Massage her from the inside - Gràfic... molt grààààfic!! Te imaginas ahí un peazo... ejem.

Podwer for your lovegun - Aish, es que me parto. Entre la idea de la pólvora e imaginarte una shotgun... Nena, esta es mi escopeta de amooooor.

Animal vigor in pilules - Lo del vigor animal suena muy macho y tal, pero hijos... las pilules... Too close to "pilila".

Replace flaccidity with swollen power -
Eso tiene que doler, no me jodas.

Prove to her you're not homo
- Lleig. ¿Los pobres gays no tienen derecho a usarla? Vayamos más allá, si el bueno del gay quiere fingir que no es gay con una tía... ¿qué mejor que una pilule?

Enable your true vigor - Si hombre, el de "verdad", as opposed to el que tendrías sin meterte un chute. Que ese es mentira, mentiiiiiira. Tó mentira. Menudo eres tú cuando cargas la escopeta del amor.

Find jungle passion in yourself - Que levanten la mano los que hayan visto una escena de monos tocando el tam tam en plan Disney.

Your girl takes panties off - you get super-excited male device! - Si a alguien se le daba mal la lógica en el cole, este lo deja clarísimo. Causa-consecuencia, queridos. Es como "chasqueas los dedos, aparece Brad Pitt". Con suerte, con un super-excited male device. Y sin monos.

Fuerza para el pene del hombre - ¿En contraposición al de quién? ¿¿¿Al del conejo??? Ah no, que esos ya se arreglan. Y no me hagáis hablar de las costumbres de mi periquito, que tengo pruebas documentales.

Rise your carnal ambitions - Gallifante al mejor juego de palabras. Porque claro, suben... tus ambiciones... carnales... suben... ¿lo pilláis, lo pilláis? En su tiempo libre, el autor es redactor del Qué.

Grow your Love Stick - Qué no te digo yo que no, pero a mí el love stick me suena... así como... tamaño Mikado.

Don't let stress discourage manhood - No vayas a ser homo...

Make your love stick your lady's favorite toy
- Lady: Ohhhh, ¡¡un Mikado!! ¡¡Qué mooooooono!!; Mr. Manhood: Sí, sí, ¡y te juro que masajea desde dentro!

Dream to act like a porn director? - ¿¿Por qué coño ibas a soñar con "actuar" como el director?? ¿No puede decir "acción" sin jungle passion?

Blood won't leave willie
- Asumidlo, todos habéis pensado en Liberad a Willy.


A lo mejor el director también soñaba mucho :S

Pues eso, que cookies para quién pueda montar una historia combinando cinco de ellas. Sé que algunos seríais capaces...

Thanks for your time!

L xx

Velarde Says He Received Drugs From Bonds�s Trainer

Source: all-breaking-news.com

Velarde said he was introduced to the trainer, Greg Anderson, by catcher Bobby Estalella when the two were with the Yankees in 2001. Anderson initially gave Velarde some cheap viagra to improve his performance, Velarde testified.

Velarde, though, said he was not pleased with the results.

I told him I wasnt getting anywhere with the cheap cialis and he said the next stop was injections, Velarde said, estimating that he met Anderson more than 10 times during spring training in 2002, while he played for the Oakland Athletics.

During his 12 minutes on the witness stand, Velarde said he paid Anderson $500 to 800 for the drugs, which he said gave him endurance and more strength. His transactions with Anderson ended at the end of 2002, which was Velardes 16th and final season in the major leagues.

Velarde was the fourth current or former professional baseball player to testify at Bondss perjury trial in United States District Court. Bonds, the seven-time most valuable player, is charged with four counts of lying to a federal grand jury in 2003 about his steroid use, and one count of obstruction of justice.

Jason Giambi, the former Yankees slugger, and his brother Jeremy testified on Tuesday that they had received drugs from Anderson and that Anderson told them the substances were undetectable by drug tests.

Marvin Benard, who was Bondss teammate with the San Francisco Giants, testified Monday and Tuesday about his relationship with Anderson. He told jurors that he sought Andersons help after buying veterinary steroids from Mexico in 1998 and that Anderson eventually provided him with undetectable steroids and human growth hormone.

But on Tuesday, the defense asserted that prosecutors told Benard what to say in court.

In fact, Mr. Anderson never told you, ever, that he gave you an undetectable steroid, isnt that the truth? Allen Ruby, one of Bondss lawyers, said to Benard.

Smiling, Benard said, I dont remember.

Ruby said of the government, They told you that they wanted you to say that Anderson told you that he was giving you a steroid, an undetectable steroid.

Benard said no.

Three more former major-league players are on the governments witness list: Estalella, Armando Rios and Benito Santiago. But of the seven current and former major leaguers on the list, only one Estalella is expected to testify about his interactions with Bonds.

Prosecutors say that Estalella, who played with Bonds on the Giants, will testify that Bonds had admitted using performance-enhancing drugs and that the two had several discussions about that drug use and its effects on the body.

The rest of the players have testified, or are expected to testify, about their drug transactions with Anderson, who is in prison for refusing to testify at the trial. The government said those players knew Anderson was giving them drugs and that Anderson told them the effects of the drugs and exactly how to administer those substances.

The absence of Andersons testimony has stymied the governments case so much that some pieces of evidence, including several positive drug tests and doping calendars linked to Bonds, were excluded from the trial before it began. The judge, Susan Illston, excluded that evidence because Anderson would not be able to authenticate the documents.

Illston told jurors Tuesday that they should not assume Bonds knew he was taking steroids just because the other players say they did. But clearly, that is what prosecutors are hoping for.

Bonds, though, insists that Anderson said only that he was giving him flaxseed oil and arthritis balm.

The players testimony on Wednesday preceded the testimony of several people who spoke about the collection and processing of Bondss urine samples during the drug-testing process.

But on Thursday, to end the trials second week, two witnesses with very personal interactions with Bonds are scheduled to take the stand.

Dr. Arthur Ting, Bondss former orthopedic surgeon, is expected to testify about his observations of Bondss physical state and Bondss interactions with Anderson. Last week, Steve Hoskins, Bondss former business manager, testified that he had several conversations with Ting about Bondss steroid use and that Ting had said Bondss elbow injury in 1999 was caused by the drug use.

Kathy Hoskins, Steves sister and Bondss former personal assistant, is also expected to testify on Thursday. Prosecutors say she witnessed Anderson giving Bonds an injection.

One of the charges against Bonds is that he told a grand jury no one but his personal doctor ever injected him.

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