Hotel Hell

So oddly enough, I've had no problems with the guests.
But the co-workers.... totally different story.

Before that: I've been promoted; I'm going to be hosting not so much and waiting most the time. I haven't seen Waiting but from what I've heard, I will not be doing most of those things.

So onto the good stuff:

A few of my co-workers are awesome. One guy in particular has made me giggle:

(while watching the news, some report about models with really weird hairstyles comes on screen. Weird like Michael Jackson weird).
John! Do you see that shit?! I would slap the shit out of my girl if she came home like that

(While discussing previous employments)
I was stocking at a shop for ladies, and all sorts of good looking women came in. Even my manager was hot. My first day, I was like Damn, girl; you lookin' all sorts of sexy. That was my first lesson in sexual harassment laws.

(To really enjoy this, you have to understand that this guy is ridiculously nice and isn't a prick or a pervert or anything. He genuinely wanted to compliment his manager)

NOW: There is this cunt of a lady.
The best way I can describe her is: Fat, ugly, mouth-breathing bitch.
(Mouth-breathers: people who always have their jaws down. Not only unappealing: goddamned annoying)


She brags about :
having worked as a waitress longer than I've been alive
not having kids because she is 'too selfish to care about anyone else' ;
everyone hating her (EXCEPT THE GODDAMNED MANAGEMENT)
having failed her first attempt at college because of partying too hard

Because of said experience, and the love of the management, she gets away with what she wants (ie: fucking up my goddamned hosting system last night; see below) and thinks she can tell everyone what to do.

By the way: She looks like a Jewfish.



That is her spitting fucking image.

So once I heard that she was the one training me as a server, you can expect I was more than enthused.

Oddly enough, though. No friction.
I'm pretty easy to get along with, and she didn't get on my shit about anything.
She didn't split her tips at all with me, even though I carried everyone of her goddamned plates all week; but whatever. I let it slide.

Until last night.
At five til 11, my manager interrupts my sleep to ask me to come in at 11 to cover for some worthless cheerleading trollop (About the 12th time in the month that the restaurant has been open).
Even though I had not had a shift off all week, and I was going to come in that night, I said I would.

So I hosted all morning. At noon, he tells me that the other host is going to be late, so I'm to host until 6 p.m. I told him thats cool , but I'd do it in my servers uniform because I had to train as soon as that was done. He concurred.

So I host with no problem until the late kid comes in.

Jewfish comes and erases the paper where I had counted how many tables everyone had.
(Note: THE NIGHT BEFORE she told other waiters to go home without the managers permission, so she could take their tables/tips)
Not only does this crazy overstepping of boundaries piss me off, but it fucks up the whole establishment, because at that INSTANT in which I realized she did that, 5 groups came in to be sat. The host is looking at me in disarray, and I'm just laughing because I have no idea where to put these people.
So I do the only thing I can and start the rotation at the first person after Jewfish, so she would have to wait til 7 more parties came in to get a table.

After we figure that out, I find her:

Me: Jewfish! (NOTE: I DID NOT CALL HER JEWFISH. I'M NOT GIVING AWAY HER NAME, DOUCHE)
You can't come up there and erase shit, its screws up the whole...
JF: DON'T Talk to me that way
Me: huh? wha?
JF:DON'T COME UP TO ME AND START HOLLERING AND CURSING

I am stunned. In total disbelief: The restaurant is louder that shit, so to be heard, I have to raise my voice. So I'm hollering?! AND cursing?
No: no one tries to get out of their mistakes by getting into a screaming match with me. It doesn't happen

Me: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS COMPLAINS ABOUT PEOPLE NOT FOLLOWING THE SET UP SYSTEMS AND RULES. THEN YOU GO MESS SHIT UP
JF: DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY
Me: fuck it.


Instead of risking my job, I told the managers what happened and that they need to fix it.
The managers agree.

Now: I haven't been to work since, but I expect that Jewfish lied and said that I cursed at her and was out of line.
I'm so prepared for this that when it does happen, I won't have to laugh my ass off.
So my plan of attack: laugh anyways.

Tell them that she's stupid and a coworker, not a boss, and if they expect me to take her shit, they have the wrong kid. I bust my ass and help them out AND fucking translate for them because they are dumb enough to hire a whole kitchen full of mexicans without knowing spanish and I'm the ONLY bilingual kid.
Cool.

But if they don't back me up on this and decide to stay on her dick about this shit, I swear I'll quit.

I'll quit and make the last time I quit look like Disney on fucking Ice.

So fuck it. Let's see what happens.

Late

Preface: There are three members of the host staff worth a shit. Yours truly, is by far the best (I'm serious. The managers have informed the rest of the staff this.. "Learn from John" is an exact quote that I was told) the other guy, and the only girl who isn't a cheerleader.... definitely not a coincidence.

Having that known, I get called an hour and a half before my shift is supposed to begin to be asked to come in immediately.

Since i was napping, I literally had to throw myself in the shower, shave and iron my shirt simultaneously so I can get there as soon as humanly possible.

When I get to work, I find the new schedules posted.... The new schedules that include dropping me from 5 shifts to 4......a stupid cunt that me callo en los huevos and was supposed to be fired because she didn't show up at work all last week was still on the roster; and all the cheerleaders having a shift each.

There are 7 goddamned high school girls working one shift each.... and all of them share one brain. And not even a good brain: A Cheerleading brain.

I was far from pleased.

I was assured that most the girls would quit and I'd get more shifts and all that crap.. but c'mon now! Really! How do you reward people for working their ass off AND coming in early to cover for irresponsible stupid bitches?
Take away their shifts!

My solution you ask? ( Having read this, you KNOW i have a plan. Its a given. Its who I am. Its what I do)

Well: I plan to eat 5 burrito supremes before work everyday I work with one of the cheerleading girls.
I plan to partake in so much biological warfare next to them that they won't want to ever be next to me again.

The way I figure it, I can't do anything outwardly evil, so I just have to settle for silent attacks. Silent, deadly, gassy attacks. Is it my most diabolical idea? No. (Crudest? Maybe)
But these are cheerleaders. Do you think they would really want to work with a kid thats ripping ass for 4 hours straight?
If they can take 4 hours of that shit (no pun intended) without quitting, then they can hang with me.

Let's see how it goes.

So yeah...I've been gone for awhile. But I'm back like herpes.

I tried unemployment AND a break from school.
Believe me when I say that It's been glorious.

But, alas, I have bills to pay; so after not so much job searching, I've been employed by a fine eating establishment that will soon open in the DFW metroplex. (I shalln't give away too many specs, because unlike the comfort inn, there are alot of young people who work there and could feasibly see this).

As per usual, I plan on taking out my frustrations about work, here on this journal.
Before I receive any comments like " Isn't the title of this HOTELhell?! Not Restaurant hell?! "
Yes. I know. A substantial part of my ability to post these updates includes literacy... So I'm lazy... blow me.

With that said, herein lies the dizzy:

I'm a host. I have to greet and seat hungry assholes; see off said assholes after their meals; and do a bunch of inane tasks ( answer phones, clean windows, sweep entryways, etc ad nauseum).

All my managers range from really nice to professionally courteous, So I foresee clear waters on that front.

I am one of the two male hosts out of a 9 person host crew, the girls all being high school aged cheerleaders who make jizz stains look like Nobel prize winners. (This is a generalization, of course. I've met A girl who is not an excuse for cannibalism).

So far, we've only been training in preperation for the grand opening.
But we have had a fair amount of interaction in training and the pre-opening friends and family meals.
Interaction which I have not enjoyed.

Aside from training for the job, I've come to realize that God is indeed just:
He's made some of these girls ridiculously beautiful; the irony being that their beauty is inversely proportional to their Intelligence Quotient.

If this just were something I stumbled upon on a normal day.... ehhh.... not that big a deal.

BUT I have to work with these dullards, so it is a big deal: they mess up seating charts, are constantly in the way, ask stupid questions, and worst of all: never shut the fuck up.

Not fun, ay ? Well imagine dealing with that while having no cigarette break while being physically dependent.
Cute, huh ?

So I'm pretty much positive that this will lead to some interesting times ahead.
I hope you all are looking forward to it as much as I'm not.

C.A. walked in today.
I used to try to say hello and be nice to him, but after the millionth time of just getting a grunt or a disdainful look back, I gave up.
Today, for the first time ever, he said good morning when I reading, so I just looked up and replied in a monotone voice " good morning".
He then gets right next to me and shouts " GOOD MORNING"
As i don't like being interrupted from the many circles of hell (The divine comedy), I give him the dirtiest of looks and reply " Good morning".

He suddenly grabs me by the arm and pulls me to the back room (this is the third time this week... I've spoken more to him the last week than the last 6 months).

CA: (stupid Indian accent) Listen! You need to be enthusiastic, this job requires it.
me: Yeah. I know. I've only been here for six months.
CA: Well the way you said good morning was inappropriate and unenthusiastic. If the customers see that....
me: They don't! I know how to do my job.
CA: Well if you keep acting that way, you won't have a job here anymore. Do you understand?
me: YES. I UNDERSTAND
CA: good.

I fucking lose it with rage.
1: he tried to hold this shit job over my head
2: he was condescending
3: he was hypocritical
4: I have absolutely no reason to be enthusiastic considering all the recent bullshit
5: He was completely disrespectful.
I call my confidant, explain what just happen, and tell him I am quitting.
As soon as I hang up, one of the good staff members comes up to me:

Don Jesus: (in spanish) Hey, can you make a key for me?
Me: Nah, Jesus, I can't.
Don. Jesus: (thinking I'm kidding) Why not?
me: Cause I don't work here anymore

(walk into CA's office)

me: (with total enthusiam)HEY!. How's this for enthusiasm?
FUCK YOU (complete with double middle fingers)

(I walk back to get my shit)

CA: HEY! What are you doing?
me: I'm getting my shit, and I am leaving this babylon
CA: what? YOU DON'T EVER SPEAK WITH THAT LANGUAGE TO ME AGAIN OR I'LL BREAK YOUR FACE
me: Fuck you. I don't work here anymore, and you have no bearing on my life anymore. I DEFY YOU TO EVER SPEAK THAT WAY TO ME AGAIN..
(grab my shit as he stares silently)
OH! I'll be back on Friday to pick up my last check. I hope you are here.

Today was my managers last day.
Maria, the awesome co-worker, quit.
Ms. T took over.
Shit is literally getting stupider by the day.

When I went in to say goodbye to my manager today, Ms. T decided we needed to talk:

her: Why are you so hostile towards me ?
me: (monotone voice) I'm not hostile (complete lie). I'm told I'm cold when people first meet me, but you'll grow to love me, as everyone on earth does.(bigger lie)
her: (laughs awkwardly)
me: see. you're starting already
(it is sickening how manipulative and deceitful I can be)
her: (starts talking about stupid shit she is doing... too long and ridiculous to post)
me: OK.... That has absolutely nothing to do with me. I am just here to do my job. So long as your changes don't interfere with my school, fine.
her: ok. well thanks for staying
me: (laughing hysterically on inside) sure.


After using the hotel's fax machine to receive and send 4 applications, I've already had two interviews, and will most likely end up at La Quinta (directly next door to the hotel I currently work at... sweet revenge ).

They (alot) pay better, the workers seem really nice, have better clients, and my would be manager is a good looking college girl.

You prayers out there, do your thing for me. now

me: Good evening, Comfort Inn Addison, This is john.
her: hey! how old do you have to be to rent a room with a credit card
me: well you have to be 18 to have a credit card, and we don't card people based on their age, so I assume 18
her: So you have to be 18 and not 21
me: So far as I know
her: SWEET! (laughing hysterically)
me: uhh. HAHAHAHAHAHHA!! that was awesome.
her: (giggling)
me: Have a good one.

My manager, the lady who hired me and is awesome, has had enough of this shit. She has officially resigned.
Aside from the fact that I love her and I'm going to miss her, this is horrible news:

Ms. T and "C.A." were in the managers office when I got in today, and asked me to talk to them.

(I hate both of these people with the deepest of passions.
C.A. is a cheap, scowling, ungrateful asshole of a boss who is only preoccupied with making money, yet he has no idea how to do it.
Ms. T is fat, condescending, worthless piece of powerhungry shit.)

The discussion was far too long to transcribe (and I forgot most of it, because I was trying to ignore my disdain for them, and actively attempting to refrain for screaming fourlettered words at them).

Highlights
They described what my job is (despite the fact that I've been working here for Six Fucking months

They showed me how to make reservations with companies
Ms. T herself showed me how to do it. Except she fucked it up so I had to show them how to do it. (I'm sure they were just testing me)
...
Ms. T: You do know the dress code, right?
Me: (looking at self). Yeah. All it said was wear a tie and look professional.
Ms. T: Well you have to wear a White Shirt.
Me: (wearing blue shirt) fine
Ms. T: Also, take care of your hair; it looks like you just got out of bed (laughs)
Me: (glaring.. eyeing obscenities)
Ms T.: Does your hair always look like that
Me: No, sometimes It magically turns pink.
Ms T.: (shiteating smile wears off)
...
(explaining "the way things are going to be from now on")
CA: You can't approach this as Just a Job.
Me: (biting tounge...in my head: yeah well fuck you, you stupid camel praising shithead. This is solely just a job)
....
Ms. T: Oh! you're the one that lives in Plano?!
Me: Yeah, I'm the one person in Plano
Ms T.: Would you be available to work some shifts for me there?
Me: Absolutely not. I work my 5 here, and go to school full time
Ms T.: Oh well we'll figure something out.
Me: Yeah. I Sure you'll figure something out.
...
Since Maria, a coworker and fellow member of the " I want to kill Ms. T and CA club", told me that our beloved manager quit, I went to the Comfort Suites Addison to apply.

Pray for me.

lady called in for reservation.
she asked me to match the internet rates (significantly cheaper) but i was busy so i said no because, well, i'm an asshole.
when she came in she was really cool (cause she's from florida. and we all rock there)
the jist:

her: hey! i'm (name). did i talk to you on the phone?
me: yeah, you did.
her: can you PLEASE give me the internet rate?
me: yeah, sure.
her: oh my god, i love you
me: as you should
her: HA! you are awesome
me: thanks.
her: here, thanks for taking care of me (slips me a $20)
me: (stunned, as i have only received tips 3 times before this incident) thank you
her: (smiles) bye!

being a smart ass continually pays off.

i was talking to my manager about the phone call from the angry husband (check below)

me: (after explanation) so did they talk to you?
her: yeah. i told him that you must have been kidding, considering its you.
me: i told him i was sorry that he didn't have a sense of humor
her: (giggling) yeah. don't worry about it. i told him he had to lighten up
me: cool.
her: i'll see you later (walks out door. about 15 seconds later walks back in)
me: forget something ?
her: (shakes head) now that i think about it, she really did lie to you
me: (giggling) yeah i know
her: no. really. she lied to you. i don't blame you at all
me: fair enough
her: have a good one
me: late