two free spirits pretty much trapped; one in her own twisted shame and heartbreak, the other in the inadequacy she wraps around her heart. in a way they share it all; the same person in two bodies. you wouldn't realise how tough it is being a dreamer. always wanting something more. always new sparks niggling at the edge of your head when all you want to do is make that dream your world. if they could be so lucky as to never dream, but what kind of luck is that anyway?
there's no need for any more maps; they know each other too well. they just need to get away. it's that goal that keeps them going. everything they do is to get there. flying along in a car, the wind crawling through their hair and blowing away their taunting subconscious. the music drowning out the past with no need for the darting words that go unspoken. endless summer nights on the beach dancing around the bonfire that glows like the love they have for each other in their hearts. it's quite surprising how close they've grown with god pushing them along a righteous path of guilt and sin.
they'd like to be able to say 'look, i'm sorry but we know how it works. the world is no longer mysterious'. but that essence of mystery is what they strain for. always shying away from the predictability and uncanny resemblance to all of gods creatures. anything to be unique, anything to be the same as each other. their relationship was ineffable. they could communicate with a nudge from elbow to rib; sharp intake of breath to ear; smiling eyes to smiling eyes. it didn't all need to be said for it was already out there in the atmosphere between them. they couldn't be any more in tune. for god knows it is not polite and not quite right to say honey i'm sorry but i've lost my will to live one more day. they kept each other alive endlessly. and sometimes they'd ponder the possibility of something awful ever happening to one or the other. the dreamy smiles and hushed laughter would soon chase those thoughts away; not that they could bare to dwell on them for longer than a few seconds.
they know they have too much influence on each other; too much power. thank god they use it sensibly. not that trying to be sensible with your emotions means it ever works. their words and actions can give deadly encouragement. how bad they've behaved. how much they've learned. how intertwined they live. how tame they began and how wild they grew themselves.
it's pretty hard to dust off the freckles from their noses when the sun is in their eyes and they can't see right from wrong. climbing out of each others pockets, after awful crying into pillows that can't cry back the night before, is when they learn. smoking cigarettes to get skinny; dancing to be rid of emotion; going over and over everything they did wrong each night.
but it's the summer thrills they want where they can explore themselves and explore each other. reach new depths that are unimaginable, even to them. see, it isn't all glum and loathesome. sometimes they're all tangled up inside themselves yet they feel warm and glowy. there will always be those moments where they feel like christmas lights. it was in those moments, when they could see the world spin beneath them, that they let their balloons fly. and they were more themselves than they could ever be. so real.
they huddle together as if they can take on the wind and rain with their bodies interlocked. sitting there in their pathetic hopefulness, smiles splattered on their faces with only disappointment awaiting them. he never came. the naivete of it all showed that day in the children's play area of the local park. frozen but smiling; atleast they had each other. and emily whispers over and over; 'est-ce que je peux vous garder?'
sometimes they convince themselves that they don't need a saviour. for after all, they are warriors of the world and noone can bring them down.
