We are a fire inside,we are an army asleep

The Rules:

- List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.
- Don't say who they are, use people only once.
- All who read this must post in their own journal (if they want to)
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"Abducted" from 'just blue'

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Okay,been thinking about this one for awhile,since I decided that this lj was gonna be solely for my RP posts. As such,here goes nothing...meaning,I was able to rebuild one of my lost sl fragments!

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*Lays on the bed thats mine,in the new apartment thats mine...shivering despite the way it probably is outside. Warm and nice,and a great day to be missing out on,though such reasonings would be lost on someone such as me right now,given the situation that I willingly placed myself in. Which at the time,seemed like the best course of action,given how wonderful the year had been,up to this point in time*

~What in the heck is wrong with me? Why do I feel like I could peel my skin off,and even though it would sting like crazy....I wouldn't care? How in the heck am I going to survive without that little pill that keeps all the nightmare whisperings in my mind at bay,for 3 months?!? Shoot,don't even think I could last 3 more days! Hmm...maybe I could steal some of what Tina has,yeah thats the best thing I can do...now all I gotta do is be strong enough to want to venture out of this place for more than five seconds. And before I could make good on what I wanted to do,who should show up,and find me in the worst possible state a human should willingly place themselves in?~

Rocco: *After walking into the master bedroom,and the apartment proper beforehand* Hey...what the heck has been up with you the last couple weeks? Everyone has been trying to get ahold of you on the phone,and yet...you don't want to talk? Thats so not like you,its not even funny
*Snarls at him* Go away
Rocco: No
*Stares at him,seething* I said go away and don't bother coming back! I can NEVER forgive you for what you did to me,NEVER!
Rocco: Way I see it,your wanting to give your adoptive mommy 2 more grandchildren...was as much your choice,as it was mine,as such....don't even try to hand me that nonsense,as I refuse to let you sit,lay there,whatever the heck it is you are presently doing,and pick at me like that girl who you despised back in our old neighborhood!

*Stands up at those last words,my eyes blazing and totally in tune with my feelings that reside in my heart* Forget you,forget her...forget everything! YOU RAPED ME,just like the person who gave me my first,and only child! And just like that idiot,you lied about what you did to me! *Which was when I closed to within striking distance of him,and it was pretty clear what my intentions were,when I had gotten close enough to do more than half shout simple words at him*

Rocco: *Standing there,taking in all of what he saw before him. Me at my worst. Hair unwashed for more than 3 days...dark circles under my eyes...clothes that reeked of the failure that I felt had soaked its way into my very pores* Oh really now...well if thats how you feel,by all means,go right ahead do your worst then *which was when he went and dropped his hands to his sides,fully intending to take everything I dished out at him,not in the mood to defend himself or anything. And yeah,he didn't put up any fight when I kicked his legs out from under him,knelt on his chest,and starting tearing into him with my fists. Which is what I would have wanted to do,were I in posession of the strength that would make such a fantasy a reality. What did I end up doing? Well....*

*Crying openly and heavily as I do what I can to try and disappear into his embrace,as he simply holds me,stroking my hair as much as he can,talking to me like the father that I needed,yet was unwilling to allow him to help,since he wasn't my real dad* I am so sorry about what you had to see just now...I'm not myself! What the heck is wrong with me,can you explain these feelings that I have inside my head,my heart?

Rocco: *Quietly* Its called withdrawal. I went through it big time when I was down in Florida,after what happened...scared the crap out of the rest of the gang. And I mean big time...I thought I was gonna go outside,and jump off a cliff or something,just to get the voices in my mind to shut themselves off...
You and I never talked much about what happened when we parted ways...shoot,matter of fact,right after you got back in my life...it was as if you'd never left.
Rocco: Don't I know it,your parents tried to force us to stay apart,even though I've got a decent job,same as you...why the heck did they never like me?
Its because I wouldn't listen to my mom...for the reasons we discussed when I suspected she wasn't really my mom,she never understood what happened to me,until the first time I defied her. She tried to get me to get out of bed,I refused...she snatched me up,and I started screaming 'no hurt no hurt no hurt',then I started repeating mama mama mama mama...until she asked me what was going on,which was when I told her...'mama hurt,say she love me'...
Rocco: Oh
*Sighs* She only wanted to make sure I was never as bad off as what the real mother became...
Rocco: Of course,so anyway...
Hmm?
Rocco: You eaten anything yet?
*Blinks* What are you saying...you want me to go out to eat? Look at me,I'm a mess! And it won't wash away in enough time for me to make a dinner reservation,if you can get one at a restaurant!
Rocco: Oh heck no,nothing like that...I thought I'd go to the restaurant that signs my paychecks,and get us two dinners to go,whatever you feel like,some salad bar...and some dessert,then...we eat here,and make sure little sister doesn't interfere
Sounds like a plan
Rocco: One problem though
And that would be?
Rocco: You reek,as such...I'm going to get your sister and have her oversee your clean up
Okay...~and true to his word,he went and tracked her down,all but shoving her into the place we usually shared. Then he left,figuring he'd have enough time to accomplish his deed,while we did the same~


After she showed:

Tina: Wow,he wasn't kidding. You reek. SO! What all am I supposed to do here? Do I have to bathe the little princess,or is she capable of doing it on her own?
Ha ha,you should take your act on the road,maybe hit Vegas or something
Tina: Maybe when I'm done with school...for now though...back to what I asked?
I need to get cleaned up,and not just because boy toy wants a night out,in...
Tina: I see. Well,come on then...*which was when she led me to the bathroom,critically inspecting the basket that sits in the smallish linen closet* Um,most of these bottles are ones that are unopened...why?
*Sighs while sitting on the closed lid of the toilet* Because...I...well...oh just quit asking about some of those purchases I made,yet changed my mind about!
Tina: Sheesh...no need to bite my head off,just asking
Sorry
Tina: No need to...anyway,I'm gonna place a couple bottles in the shower then leave...
~Yeah and as soon as I saw what she placed there~ Oh heck no...
Tina: Too late,choices have been made! ~which was when she exited after shoving me towards the shower,closing the door to the bathroom and locking it from her side~ And you will thank me for this,when you are done,trust me!

Roughly 45 minutes later,hair wound in a towel,same as my body:

*Slides out of the slightly steamy bathroom,smelling like a tropical rain forest* I HATE YOU
Tina: Oh quit griping...we aren't finished yet
Um...Tina...I can dress myself you know
Tina: Who said anything about that? I plugged your curling iron in...I hope that hair is dry
*Blinks* Uh no...not gonna subject myself to that
Tina: Relax. Nothing major,just a little bit on the ends..crimped is okay for you I hope...
No...*which was when I went to try and vacate the chair I was sitting on*
Tina: Okay,crimped it is then...*which is what she said while she was making sure not to let me escape*

After she was finished:

Tina: Okay,no need to go any further...so lets talk 'the perfect date night outfit!'
*Sighs* You're really getting a kick out of this aren't you...
Tina: Yeah,loads of fun...
Whats wrong?
Tina: Just wondering what the heck would happen to me,if there was a time that I found myself in the kind of state you were in,recently
Don't know why you'd want such a thing to...oh
Tina: Yeah,even though I was pretty close to this kind of depression,and more than when you saw
We,don't have to rehash such a thing you know...
Tina: Not trying to,just giving you some time to think about what you might want to wear
Thought about wearing that one shirt that I bought,and the gypsyish skirt to go with...
Tina: Yeah that works...hrm...okay this is weird...*which was when she held up what she found while rooting around in one of the drawers where I stashed
my unmentionables,before inspecting the tag attached to what she pulled out * A Vassarette HANDS UP PUSH UP bra? Sheesh,don't want to ever hear you calling me weird
again,if you do...I'll just have to snap a photo of you in this thing,for future torment purposes
*Snatches the item in question from her hands,slightly red faced* I just bought that,so don't start okay? Sheesh,if you must know...I had a romantic weekend getaway planned,before I started to fall apart...in case I felt I needed a change from my usual stuff

Tina: So you thought you'd tell me about some of you boudoir fantasies because...? I mean yeah,its great you thought about giving the boy toy some spice in his life,as well as yours...don't think that applies to me though,since I'm not you,and there is no way in the world I could pass for the fiancee
I know,I know sheesh...
Tina: Anyway,it works for what you plan here...you do need a bit of a boost,to make the boy toy drool...
Tina!
Tina: *Laughing* Had to pay you back for some of what you put me through,at some point in time...didn't I?
True. Heck,figured you would have tried before now...to even the score,after what I told you when I first arrived here
Tina: Wanted to,didn't have time...of course in the here and now...its a waste of time to talk about such things
I know I know...wanna help me get dressed mommy?
Tina: Wow...way to take me back to a point that you didn't get to see,when it was just my dad and me
Sorry ~and rather than hang around,she left me to finish on my own...after hooking me into my new stuff,for my top half~

Not too long after she left:

*After walking back into the place that I dwell,and seeing that the coast was all clear* Rocco: Babe? You still here? Got everything like I said I would,sorry it took so long...
*Still in the bedroom* Thats okay
Rocco: *Returning to the main part of the whole place,after a detour into the kitchen* I'm setting the stuff out on the table now,so lets get things going shall we?
Don't see why not...~which was when I walked out to where he was,effect I had on him...well...~
Rocco: Well,you...sure clean up nice
*Laughs while sitting down on the chair he offered* Didn't really have much time to do a whole lot,so its a good thing you did think to enlist the helper you chose
Rocco: Ah don't worry about it,anyway...I got two steak dinners,and the salad...as you see
Yeah,thanks
Rocco: Hey I have to know a little bit about the person who agreed to allow me to be her husband,even if...well,we don't have to go back over that now do we
Nope ~which was when we both felt the time was righht to attack the massive amount of greens that we had to eat~

Main course:

Rocco: Well...I have to admit,I did a good job on the first part,now...are you ready for the remainder? I was rather lucky when I stopped in at the restaurant,they needed to get rid of the garnishes that one would care to add to a baked potato,you know...butter...sour cream,bacon bits...they pretty much let me take what they were gonna dispose of,its not expired or anything,they just needed room for them,and other stuff in the fridge
Sounds okay,load my potato as much as you can,then slide it my way,with my steak...I'm starving! I feel like I haven't eaten in...three days,which might be around the last time I had something to eat
Rocco: No worries...it'll be ready for you,before you start eating the tablecloth or something

After watching me attack not only my potato,but what remained of his as well:

Rocco: *Smirking slightly while I lick the foil for whatever might remain,far as what would be classiried as being remnants of food on the item in question,then doing the same for the one which was the second,less appealing skin of his own spud* Yeah,remind me to never think about telling you I brought you something to eat,then jokingly told you that I was only saying those things,in the hopes you'd listen,believe me,given how I was lucky to witness you stalking a potato,like you were a lioness,and the helpless spud was a zebra or some smaller animal

*Slightly muffled,due to what I'm engaged in* Bite me
Rocco: No thanks babe,thats not what I had planned
Oh? Don't tell me that I've got more food to look forward too...
Rocco: Well my dear,we do indeed have one last course to endure. How does a slice of pie and some coffee sound?
*Eyes him warily* What kind of pie we talking here?
Rocco: Tell me first,what is your favorite?
*Starts* Oh no you didn't! You better have gotten a chocolate creme pie!
Rocco: Hardly babe,and I think you know which type of pie I am referring to...its in the fridge,and its fresh..as in made earlier today fresh
In that case,you better go and make good on your promise...because I don't want to have to lift a finger to attempt what I'd have to climb over you,to accomplish on my own!
Rocco: *Laughing again* As you wish madame...

Afterwards:

Rocco: Now,what do I do with the dishes?
*Half sitting on the couch* Take them downstairs and put them in the dishwasher,then I'll see to them when I get up in the morning,before I have to go to work
Rocco: While I am doing that,why don't you put the dvd in the player,and turn it off before I miss the opening of the movie?
That I can do ~which is when he went and accomplished his end,as I was following through on my end of the discussion. And just like the way things had been in the old days,in the old neighborhood,the two of us fell asleep,about 5 minutes before the movie was finished with the closing credits~

What Will hillridgerpX Get ?

Xmas pressie predictor
Big wooly jumper knitted by	cardigan_anjel
Pair of Socks from	moonshinefaerie
Bottle of Whiskey from	sayiqanbayatur
Cd from	incendiary
Something Cuddly from	haneulggoom
Something Intoxicating from	beauliieu
Something Silly from	jh4e
Something Funny from	desirestreet
Lump of coal from	pesh
Something Pretty from	haneulggoom
Something Shiny from	beauliieu
Something Naughty from	jh4e
Something Smelly from	pesh
Something Breakable from	moonshinefaerie
Something Useful from	sayiqanbayatur
Something not useful from	desirestreet
The Black and Decker Tool Kit from	yami_jhoney
Livejournal account from	cardigan_anjel
The Make-up Bag from	jh4e
Stack of DVDs from	incendiary
Something Geeky from	pesh

Stolen from anjel

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*Torture room 10 minutes later*

*Stares straight ahead thereby avoiding eye contact with my ‘friends’. An act which is mirrored by them as well. For different reasons. Eventually the ‘dean of students’ tires of the ‘mime act’ and clears her throat thereby starting the ‘meeting’*
Principal: Okay….what am I looking at here? Who started this fight?
Tina: *Sitting there with her head lowered to hide her tears and her shame* *Quietly from her* I did….and I doubt you want to hear why as it might send Lizzie into more random acts of violence.
Principal: Oh but I insist on hearing it Ms. Vargas. Why do you believe you started this fight when its obvious that it was clearly Elizabeth’s fault?
Tina: Well in a way….it is my fault.
Yeah….the ***** had sex with my boyfriend!
Principal: Elizabeth. Brooke. MCGUIRE. I am in charge of this school and all its students. Not YOU. As such you will not call someone a ***** for something that obviously happened off campus.

*Clams up and sits back fuming silently*

Principal: *Turning back to Tina* Now then Ms. Vargas. Do you have any proof of what you are telling me?
Tina: *Raising her head* Yeah. Afraid I do. I went to a free clinic 3 days ago and they did the test that tells if a gal is in a ‘family way’. They called me on my cell when I was in homeroom,and I was allowed to go out in the hall and take the call. While I'm not pregnant. What I stand accused of did indeed happen at the Halloween party end of last month.
*Mutters* Yeah and you tried to use my BOYFRIEND as a sperm dispenser!
Principal: Alright I have heard enough from you Elizabeth. Go out into the hall NOW!
*Flips her off*

Principal: *To me* You’re suspended. Starting Monday. And I am calling your parents. Yours as well Tina.

Tina: *Eyes wide from fear* No! Don’t call my dad!
Principal: I am afraid that I will have to in this case,given the circumstances,this event warrants more than a good talking to from the principal.
Tina: *Lowering her head again* ~I’m so past dead it isn’t funny~ Okay….

*Smirking* Serves ya right….
Tina: *Raising her head anew and looking right at me her eyes aflame* Get a life you half empty Dixie Cup! The world doesn’t revolve around you!
*Snarls* At least I don’t have a mother who was a total raving lunatic when she wasn’t on her medication!
Tina: *After standing and hauling me to my feet by my hair* If you EVER talk about my birth mother in that way again I will pull your hair out strand by strand! NOW SHUT UP! Then go tap dance up the onramp of the local interstate out of town!

*Wincing in pain before spitting in her face* Screw you! Not gonna happen!
Miranda: *Jumping up to wedge herself between us* Stop it! Both of you!
Tina/Me: NO! She started it!
Principal: And I am ending it. NOW. Tina you are free to stay in the office until your parent [s] can get here to take you home. Same applies to you Ms. McGuire. When your parents arrive to escort you ladies home I don’t want to see either of your faces until after the holiday next Thursday. Understood?!?
Me/Tina: Yeah.
Principal: And as for you Miranda….you can go back to class. Stop off and get a note from my secretary.
Miranda: Thanks. *before leaving she glares at me as she walks by and then mimes ‘call me later’ to both of us on her way out the door*

*After school at home*

My mom: ELIZABETH BROOKE MCGUIRE! You are so lucky we don’t send you AWAY or wash your mouth out with laundry soap for what you said to Tina! You know how bad off she has had her life compared to yours!
*Sighs* So what? Gordo cheated on me then demanded I DO the same as what he got from her! *Soon as I said that I wish I came with an automatic ‘rewind button’*
My dad: YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOUR TEEN…oh man….why is the room starting to spin? *at that he starts to crumple towards the floor*

Dad? MOM! What’s wrong with dad?!?
My mom: LIZZIE! Go and call 911! NOW! I think he’s in trouble! *her words send me running for the phone in the kitchen. After dialing the number I don‘t bother to compose myself*

911 Operator: What is the problem?
Hello! Yes….there is a problem! My dad started to yell at me and then said the room was spinning!
911 Operator: Calm down miss. Then slowly tell me your full name and address and what the problem might be.

*Takes a deep breath* Okay. My name is Lizzie McGuire. I live at 16250 Iceberry Lane. I think my dad is having a heart attack because I accidentally told him I was thinking of having sex with my teenage boyfriend!
911 Operator: Okay Lizzie. Thank you. The ambulance should be on its way to your house in the next….3 minutes. They have the call and are now going out to the vehicle. Best thing for you to do is to go and try to calm down further and help your mom watch for the paramedics.

Thank you. Um….what else should I do?
911 Operator: That’s it Lizzie. Oh and make sure your dad doesn’t move or anything.

*Later at the hospital*

My mom: Honey….even though you are going to be grounded when I get you home….tell me honestly now….while we are here….is any of what we discussed on the way home the truth?
*Starting to cry because of both events* Mommy….its all true! Miranda told me that Kate and Ethan were at the party and during the 20 minutes that Tina and Gordo were absent….Ethan and Kate were in her line of sight the whole time!

Then Tina told me this morning that she went to the free clinic on Blackberry street 3 days ago and they called her cell phone yesterday to confirm that the test was negative. Which means that even though she isn't pregnant...Gordo wanted me to be part of his ‘harem’!
My mom: Oh Lizzie….baby….I don’t know what to tell you. When we get home….do you want to get rid of the lingerie we bought?

*Shaking my tear stained head&the face attached to it* No momma….I want to keep them and I still want to be ‘in bed’ with Gordo next weekend.
My mom: NO! You can’t! I won’t let you and your father will agree with me! He already has! I suspect that Gordo may have raped Tina and if he did that to her….he might do it to you! He was also clearly not ‘acting of his own accord’ when he helped her deal with what had happened to her!

*Blinks* You mean he was high on something?

Mom: He might have been. And he might not have known about it. Was there anyone at the party you didn’t know?
*Shakes my head* Other than Amy….that cousin of Kate….no. Wait….there was someone else there. Some friend of Amy’s. He looked kinda ’unkempt’ is what I could describe him as being.
Mom: Well there you go. There was something at the party that didn’t need to be there and no one stopped him until it was too late.

[Toon Lizzie] Well I wanted to stop him….but the rat in his pocket kinda scared me….[fade] Oh. So that means that I owe 2 people an apology? Gordo and Tina?
Mom: Yes I guess you do sweetie. Do you want to call one of them now?
I think I will wait until I get home. Hopefully by then Tina will be ‘out of danger’.

*Friday morning finds me wishing I had stayed home. Its not so much the looks I get from the other ‘perfect people’….what hurts more is the way that my dad didn’t even say one word to me before I left for school. Which again makes me wonder if he knows how stupid his ‘broken puppet of a daughter’ really is. When that thought has gone I find that a tear has started to well in the corner of my left eye. A sure sign that being ‘the one and only’ is not going to happen for me today. Rather I have to face another day of being the ‘one and lonely’. And when I get like that….even my sister Megan doesn’t want to be around me. Which I don’t blame her for wanting to do. Heck when I get like this….I don’t even wanna be ‘in my own skin’ either. Luckily now…I have friends who can bring me out of it*

Lizzie: Hey Tina….how do you feel today?
*after a weak smile when I have come to a halt at the bus stop* Okay I guess. I might still have the flu so be careful.
Lizzie: *Chipper as usual* Don’t have to be careful. I got my flu shot yesterday at the free clinic.
*at that I turn pale* The one over on Blackberry street?
Lizzie: *Brighter than what she was 2 minutes ago* Yep. That one. Why?
*eyes wide from fear*~OMG. She knows~ *Quietly* No reason. Just thought maybe you went somewhere else is all.
Lizzie: Well that is the only ‘free clinic’ within walking distance of my house and the school. Why does it bother you that I went there?
~Lizzie….please….don’t ask me that again. More for my sake than yours.~ *Sighs* Okay….if I tell you why I am so upset about what you told me….you can’t tell anyone else. Do you promise?
Lizzie: Sure do.
Okay….well at the Halloween party we had at the Digital Bean….
Lizzie: Let me guess….you ate too much and almost threw up. I heard that someone did….*my look at her tells her that she was way off base. Afterwards she whispers* omg….no….its you….isn’t it. The one who was the subject of the rumor yesterday.

Lizzie you so can’t tell anyone! Not even Miranda! Please! You promised!
Lizzie: Why? They would only want to….*and then it dawns on her* oh. You fear what would happen to you when…not if….Kate finds out don’t you?
No….her I can handle. I just don’t want anyone thinking I’m ‘easy’. That and if my dad finds out from someone that I’m like his ex-wife….well that will be all she wrote for me attending school here.
Lizzie: Oh yeah. I could see how that would be bad. You don’t think he would pull you from school do you?
He might. Or worse. So can we please not talk about it anymore?
Lizzie: Gotcha. *luckily the bus pulls up and we have to stop anyways*



[Lizzies p.o.v.]

*Later during lunch*

Lizzie! Tina! Over here! *Watches as Miranda makes enough noise to draw in a ship from a fogbank and walks over to where she is sitting as Tina follows along behind me slowly as if she fears someone will pop out and accuse her of what she mentioned to me earlier today* Hey Miranda….what’s good in the way of news on your front today?
Miranda: Well I found out something that might be more on the ‘bad side’ of the chalkboard.
*Blinks as does Tina* Oh yeah? Like what?
Miranda: Well I did some digging and I found out that the guy who pulled the disappearing act wasn’t Ethan as someone first mentioned it might be. Turns out that its someone else.
*Frowns as does Tina* Yeah….who?
Tina: Um I don’t think I want to hear….*at that she stands and bolts for the nearest tree that she can hide under. Before I can pursue her Miranda looks at me and its then that I see in her eyes….that I need to hear the rest of what she has to say*

Miranda: Lizzie? When I tell you who the suspected possible ’father’ is….you might have more of a reason than what you thought you did at first….to go and check on Tina. Matter of fact….you might feel more like joining her for what is no doubt a good cry.
~Okay this is really starting to creep me out~ Am I going to need to sit back down for this?
Miranda: *all she does is nod*
~Okay~ *does what I asked*
Miranda: Brace yourself. I went to Kate and I hope what she told me is nothing more than one of her jokes….well….I asked her who the guy was that she told me she saw ‘duck out’ of the party for about 20 minutes….
And….?
Miranda: She told me it wasn’t Ethan. And I saw proof with my own eyes as he was right by her side while the guy was missing….
And….?
Miranda: She told me that the guy….was….*she pauses after that*
Spit it out!
Miranda: It was Gordo.
~OMG….NO way!~

Miranda: Lizzie?
*Blinks….fighting the tears that threaten to ruin my makeup* Yeah?
Miranda: You okay? ~Smooth Miranda…..real smooth. Go and state the obvious why don‘t ya?~
No….um listen….I gotta go talk to Tina right now. *at that I stand and make my way over to where Tina is sitting slowly….looking at the sea of faces that are my classmates imagining how they are talking about me after I walk past and scan their faces. Eventually I make my way to where Tina is sitting. At which point she looks up and my blazing eyes that are starting to well up with unshed tears make her want to run again*

Tina: *Quietly* Obviously you know the….
Shut up you miserable,rotten *****! HOW DARE YOU….you….*****! *before she can say or do anything I launch a kick towards her stomach. Upon seeing me draw my coltish leg back Miranda is up and running tackling me before I can make good on what I was intending to do. An act which has me laying on the ground looking up at Miranda breathing hard and looking at her as she kneels on my arms pinning me to the ground* You’re defending that tramp!?!
Miranda: Cool it Elizabeth!
**** you Miranda Isabella Sanchez! *Glares at Tina* And you! That also applies to you! I thought you were both my friends and this is how you both betray me? I bet you two cooked this up with Gordo just to get back at me for being so lousy towards you after the events of the first part of the summer!
Miranda: *at that she slaps me* Don’t you even DARE! You need to hear what happened! All of it! From Tina! Then you decide if you hate us! Am I GETTING THROUGH ALL THAT HAIRSPRAY?!?
*Slumps* Yeah I understand.
Principal: *After wisely choosing to stride over and insert herself into this matter* Well I don’t think I DO. So why don’t the 3 of you talk this out between yourselves while I am monitoring the conversation? In say….my office?

*Thursday morning finds me back where I love being as it helps take my mind off of everything that is going on around me. Strangely though….as the bus empties and then drives away Tina is absent. All that does is make me shrug and then head into the building to my locker where I am greeted by a slightly welcome sight. The sight of Miranda. 4 lockers down from where mine is*

Hey!
Miranda: Hey. *after that is when we have arrived at our shared classroom*

*Later at lunch finds me still wondering where the heck Tina is. Until I happen to spot Miranda flagging me down so that I can be at the right table. The table that is shared by someone who I have finally managed to deal with. And for some strange reason,that other party seems to be avoiding the table in question today. Once I have exchanged the usual stuff we have to look forward to I sit down and then it begins*
Miranda: Hey do you know anything about this rumor that I have been hearing?
*Blinks* Rumor? What rumor?
Miranda: Well from what I have managed to piece together via the gossip mill that runs through here….one of the people at the party we had at the Digital Bean might have ended up pregnant.
~No way….! Wait until my mom hears this….! I’ll be grounded for sure!~ Do you know who it was on either side?
Miranda: Nope. All I do know is the name of the guy.
Who is it?
Miranda: Ethan.
*Feels my eyes widen in shock while spitting some of my juice towards the tray in front of me* Does Kate know that he was cheating on her?
Miranda: Doubt it. So don’t tell her.
I won’t. But you know she is gonna find out sooner or later.
Miranda: Later being the key word. So lets just try to get through the day. *before we can get any further the stepsister who I talked with approaches our table clearly on a break from work*

Megan: Hey Lizzie….can I talk to you for a sec?
Sure.
Megan: Tina wanted me to ask if you could get her class assignments today for her. She came down with the flu over the weekend and she is almost over it. She should be back tomorrow.
Okay.
Megan: Cool. Drop them off later where I work okay? I gotta get back.
No problem. *After that she is gone*
Miranda: That was….weird.
You know she is like that.
Miranda: Yeah. Guess I forgot. Well later. During study hall we can talk further.
Deal. *at that the 3 of us are gone our separate ways*

*Later still finds almost all of us sitting around talking about the events of earlier. As much as we can much to the ‘satisfaction’ of the person watching over us*

Miranda: *Quietly* [as will the whole conversation be] what do you think Tina is really sick from?
Dunno. But I am guessing it isn‘t the flu.
Miranda: You think she is ‘the one’? The girl?
Like I said….I’m not getting into it. So lets not bother okay?
Miranda: Works for me. Well I did manage to get some of her assignments. Turns out we have some of the same classes.
I got the ones that she has in the morning. So we should be all set.
Miranda: Cool. Do you want the ones I have so far or should we both take them later to her sister?
Maybe we should do that. Both take them to her sister that is.
Miranda: Another good idea McGuire. Well….back to work then.
*Giggles then returns to the problem that I was working on earlier*


[Tinas p.o.v.]

*Meanwhile during all of this*

My mom: Well how are we feeling today?
Kinda scared still. I don’t know what I am going to do. I think dad suspects something is going on.
My mom: Well you do have a difficult decision to face you know. And a father that has only wanted you to be as safe as what he can make you,given the situation that you had to deal with.
Mom….please. I don’t think I will repeat the mistakes of my mother….if that’s what ends up happening. Just like I know it wasn’t her fault that any of it happened. What she did to me. And how I hated myself for what I thought was my fault.
My mom: You sound like you plan to keep the child growing inside of you,should there be one,and not kill it.
*Whispers* I can’t….don’t you see? It would tear me up inside if I lost something that important to myself.
My mom: Well what about giving it away? As in letting someone else raise him or her?

*Sighs* That would remind me of what she did….and how much I hated what my life became when you walked into the picture and replaced my real mother.
My mom: Tina….please. Stop doing this to yourself. You have a sound mind and good judgment. Just like we knew you did all along. Which is why I know that you'd make the right choice not to abort its life. That of what might someday be your first child. But you know once he finds out….your dad….he might be less likely to be as understanding as what you hope,when all is said and done about the aftermath of that party.
*Sits silently starting to cry* I know….and I didn’t want this! I let my guard down and someone was there to make me feel like I needed to after that happened! All of it! And he wouldn’t listen to me when I said….’if we have unprotected sex you’ll be both cheating on your girlfriend and opening ‘Pandora’s box’ at the same time. He replied….’so? Kate could care less about me. She thinks I’m only good for one thing. Looking good and not saying anything when someone talks to me. She thinks I’m as vapid and shallow as what people thought her to be when she was in middle school.’ And you know what mom? I’ve seen they way they ‘fake being a couple’ and I know that they want to be closer to one another but neither one knows how to take the first step.

My mom: So why don’t you tell them such a thing?
Because I know it wouldn’t change anything. I have way too much to deal with on my own. So why should I try to solve all the problems of the world except my own?
My mom: *Lifting my head so she can look at my tear stained eyes and cheeks* And that my girl is what you should focus on. Because if you aren’t ‘happy with yourself’ how can you expect to make someone else understand you?
Wow. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. Pushing away the people who matter the most to me. Thanks.
My mom: Not a problem Tina. Now….why don‘t we go and have something to eat outside of here? You need some fresh air and so do I.
Sounds good to me mom.

*Late Wednesday finds me in my room. What a shock that must be for some people. Unlike the last time there is only me. Because I don’t get many visitors. Except for one. And she doesn’t really count because she is family*
*from downstairs comes the voice of my mom* : Tina….dinner.
*at her words I just roll back over and stare at the wall huddled under the blanket that has been trying to slip off of me every chance it gets*
*still downstairs* My mom: Albertina Vargas I said DINNER. Now get your backside down here this instant. *When she doesn’t get a reply that sends her towards the stairs and eventually my room. One which obviously she doesn’t see the need to bother asking first before walking into*
My mom: Look Tina I know you have this ‘rebellious phase’ going through you right now….but you need to eat honey. Your dad has been worried about you. He fears that you might be suffering a relapse of what happened to you,since all you've been doing this week,okay the first few days of it...is come home and crawl into bed. What’s wrong?

*Quietly* I’m….in trouble. Big trouble. Trouble he can’t know about.
My mom: *Leaning in to hear me better* What kind of trouble?
There’s a good chance that I might be pregnant.
My mom: ~Oh no….please tell me your not serious~ *looking down at my tear stained face* who did this to you?
A friend of Lizzie’s.
My mom: Does he have a name?
Ethan Craft.
My mom: I’m going to call this Lizzie and have her come over here.
No! She would go and talk to the guy to make sure it was the truth!
My mom: Well is it?
I’m afraid it is. I went to the free clinic yesterday after school and they did a test on me to see what was wrong.
My mom: And that’s when you found out?
*Shaking my head* No. I won‘t know until tomorrow.
My mom: How far along do you think you might be,if in fact you learn that what you have to face is the 'worst case scenario?'
Not even a month.
My mom: What are you going to do when you find out what might be going on?
I don’t KNOW! I’m still trying to get over the whole mess that happened around this time last month!
My mom: Well I think I need to go back downstairs before the food gets cold. If you feel like coming down later when he’s elsewhere I’ll save you a plate in the microwave.
Thanks.
My mom: Not a problem. Now try to keep your thoughts happy.
I’ll do what I can. *at that she is gone*

*Later*
*Manages to slip out of the house without being spotted by dad and heads over to the space over the garage occupied by someone who might be able to help. When she sees me looking like I will die if I don‘t find someone to talk to she asks me in and banishes Willa from the place they are currently sharing then leads me into her bedroom….by that I mean the one my stepsister is using and all but pushes me down on the bed while sitting down opposite me*

Megan: Okay spill it. Why are you here?
I’m in big trouble. You remember the party last month?
Megan: What about it?
Remember when I went missing for a little while?
Megan: Again…..what about it?
Well it turns out that I left the party with something other than a few burgers and some other food…..’in the oven’.
Megan: You better be talking about something other than what I think you are talking about….
I wish I was…and there is a chance that I might be. The free clinic I went to before I came home said they‘d let me know tomorrow about the test they did when I was there.
Megan: And….?
Its possible that there is a chance that I’m pregnant.
Megan: You know he’ll kill you if he finds out.
Tell me something I don’t know already.

Megan: Sorry. So who’s the suspected ‘daddy to be?’
The boyfriend of that gal who gave me and a few choice others grief.
Megan: Does she know?
*Shakes my head* Only mom knows….so don’t say anything okay?
Megan: Deal. Promise me one thing though.
And that would be….?
Megan: When he kills you….make it so that your will states I get your cd collection and your stereo. They would look good in here.
No chance of that happening.
Megan: Seriously though….do you think you wanna confront the guy yet?
No not yet. Let me see what might happen when and by that I guess I mean ‘if’ I tell dad first.
Megan: Fair enough.

hillridgerpx's Halloween party:

cardigan_anjel dressed as a devil.
desirestreet dressed as a Level 10 thief.
haneulggoom dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Crystal of the Conversion.
incendiary dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Tough Wanderer, and it suited them disturbingly well.
jh4e dressed as a pimp.
joeyrenee dressed as Donald Trump.
luna_belle dressed as a new superhero: Black Robot.
moonshinefaerie dressed as Paris Hilton.
pesh dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
simplisticgrace didn't dress up, spoilsport.
sortellisfangrl dressed as Harry S Truman.
yami_jhoney didn't dress up, spoilsport.

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