You think you know....

J -  Just about as perfect as perfect can be, despite what he says or thinks. He really is perfect for me.

O - The ONLY one for me. The ONLY one I'd be willing to drop everything for. Only one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

S - So fucking amazing. I couldn't ask for anything more from one person. Simply... fucking... amazing.

H - He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, my best friend. If we hadn't talked that one day, 3 years ago, I don't know what I'd do. I just can't see myself without him anymore.

U - Unbelievably gorgeous. Stunning. BEAUTIFUL, inside and out.

A - And there will always be a special place for him in my heart. I will always love him.

 

 

Joshua, I love you with all my heart. Always and forever. Till death do us part...

 

... and even after that, too!

I love you with all my heart. You're my world. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here anymore. I know I say this in like, everything, but that's okay. I don't think it's possible to say it enough.

This past week or so has been very hectic for the both of us. The way it ended was terrible. But I promise we'll have another chance. And this next chance wont end the way it did either.

I'm almost positive that you don't know what you have until it's gone. But, it didn't even take me that much to figure out that without you, my life would be terrible. I never want to be that close to losing you again. Ever. I would give up everything I have just to be with you and this last weekend made me realize that. Neither one of us is going to live forever. I'm not going to let my life go by and I'm not going to let that chance slip through my fingers again.

I can't say it enough. I love you with all my heart. I just wish things could be a little different right now... easier.

BASICS


1. what's ur first name? Michelle


2. male or female? chick


3. how old r u? 19


4. what country or state do u live in? michigan


5. would u say ur straight, gay or bi? straight




UR BODY


6. describe what u look like physically: short, 5'2.. chubby.. well proportioned


7. ok now guys, how big is it honestly? and girls, how many fingers can u fit? you're guess is as good as mine, why don't ya find out?


8. and if u haven't told us already girls, what size r ur tits, and guys, r u cut or uncut? 38 c


9. and how big r ur nipples, and r they pink or brown? humungous!!!! and in between.


10. what's ur fav part of ur body? hips when i'm layin down.. or.. i unno...


11. what's ur fav body part on the other sex? stomach, chest, neck, eyes, lips..


12. what's ur fav place on ur body 2 be kissed? neck, lips.



13. do u shave ur pubic hair, trim, wax, have a racing strip, leave it natural or what? shave most the time, au-natural when i don't shave.




GETTING PERSONAL NOW


14. do u masturbate (don't lie now)? heh.. "of course"


15. how often do u masturbate? enough to feed my desires!!!! lol.


16. how many ppl have u slept with? umm.. i.. erm.. yeah.. umm... 8.


17. how old were u when u lost ur virginity? 15


18. who did u lose it 2? at the time, he was my good friends ex...


19. do u regret ur first time? only because it was my friends ex.


20. do u have any other sexual regrets? being a whore after i lost it.


21. have u ever had sex with a virgin? Not that I know of.


22. what's the biggest age difference between u and someone u've had sex with? 7 years


23. how often would u have sex in an ideal relationship? bwahaha... everyday/night.


24. and when was the last time u actually did have sex? two months or so.


25. when was the last time u had an orgasm? last nite (I agree.)


26. have u ever had a 1 night stand? Heh.


27. what sort of contraception do u normally use? Bleh. Hope and Pray for the best? I HATE condoms, have used em for the one night stands mentioned up there, and with people I don't trust.


28. have u ever had phone sex? .. no?


29. have u ever had cyber sex? ha...


30. have u ever devoted a whole day 2 sex? not yet, wait and see though...


31. lights on or off? Prefer em off.. I'm self conscious.


32. do u prefer 2 give or receive oral sex? Depends on the person.


33. do u prefer oral sex or normal sex? Normallll


36. do u prefer giving/receiving blowjobs or handjobs? I don't know.


37. do u prefer eating/being eaten or fingering/being fingered? How about both, at the same time. And yes josh, it does pertain to you.. hence the reason it's "EATING and FINGERING or being eaten and/or fingered" lol.


38. girls, have u ever used ur tits 2 get a guy off, or guys, have u ever had a girl use her tits 2 get u off? no....


39. what's ur fav position? depends on the person. I'm usually partial to being on bottom... self consciousness.. easy to hide myself that way.


40. what's the most number of positions u've used in 1 sex session? a couple..

41. do u like sex best rough, gentle, fast, slow, or how? usually gentle and slow.. but it doesn't hurt to mix it up a little bit..


42. do u get turned on by pain? harcore pain? no... lil bitin never hurt anyone.. long as your not breakin skin or bleedin afterwards. lmao


43. have u ever tried anal sex and if so did u like it? never tried.


44. how do u feel about sex when u or ur partner is on her period? never really done it either..




ORGASMS AND CUM


45. girls, have u ever or do u ever fake orgasms? have i, yes... bad partner. LMAO.. don't usually though..


46. what's the most number of orgasms u have had together, or in one sex session? 2



47. what sort of orgasm do u normally have (do u moan, pant, gasp, scream or what? moan, gasp.. hold my breath... hahaha.. most people do that, pay attention next time!


48. spit or swallow? you let that shit in your mouth?! bleh.


49. girls, do u like the taste of cum, or guys, do u like the taste of pussy? so far, no..


50. have u ever tasted ur own love juices (lol)? lmao.. yeah.


51. what did u think of the taste? it's nothing to orgasm, again, over.. but i guess it's kinda hot.. if you think about it.


52. what's the kinkiest thing u've ever done with cum? BLEH.




MOSTLY HAVE U EVERS


53. have u or do u ever look at porno magazines? mags? nah.


54. have u or do u ever watch porno videos? have.


55. have u ever watched a live stripper? no.


56. have u ever watched a live sex show? nope.


57. have u ever used toys during sex? nope.


58. have u ever used sex toys on ur own? no.


59. have u ever used another object that wasn't really a toy during sex? bananas, cucumbers... hah NOOOOO .JUST KIDDING. no i haven't.


60. have u ever used another object that wasn't really a toy on ur own? no


61. how do u feel about talking during sex? Talking? Erm... "hey babe, slow down for a minute, let me look at the ceiling fan, i think it needs to be dusted" lmao.


62. r u usually loud during sex? depends on if it's good or not.


63. have u ever woken up somebody else in the same house when ur having sex? I don't think they were ever sleeping?


64. have u ever had complaints from the neighbours about ur noise during sex? no


65. have u ever been given open praise 4 ur sexual technique? I have had a person or two say something about my.. erm.. oral techniques.. but, that's it, i think.


66. have u or do u ever think about other ppl when ur having sex? no


67. have u ever called out someone else's name during sex? no


68. have u ever had sex in a car? tailgate of my moms truck, if that counts.


69. if yes, was the car moving? no


70. have u ever had sex in the water (pool, ocean, etc.)? No. Heard it was uncomfortable though.


71. have u ever had sex in the shower? no


72. what's the strangest place u ever had sex? Umm.. i don't know.


73. have u ever had sex at work or school? no.


74. do u ever roleplay in the bedroom (i don't mean online lol)? no




LOTS OF HAVE U EVERS…LOL


75. have u ever used food 4 sexual purposes? no


76. have u ever had a 3some or any sort of group sex? no


77. have u ever had sex with more than 1 person during a 24-hour period but not at the same time? if it wasn't 24 hours, it was damn close.

78. have u ever had sex with other ppl in the room? yeah.


79. have u ever been caught masturbating? no


80. have u ever caught anyone else masturbating? no


81. have u ever been caught having sex? yea


82. have u ever caught anyone else having sex? no


83. have u ever watched anyone masturbate (whether they knew or not)? yeah, tried to help..


84. have u ever let anyone watch u masturbate? no


85. have u ever watched anyone have sex (whether they knew or not)? no


86. has anyone ever watched u having sex? no


87. have u ever watched urself? no


88. have u ever kissed anyone of the same sex? truth or dare game, 15 years old, maybe just turned 16. wasn't an all out kiss though.


89. have u ever had a sexual experience with someone of the same sex? no


90. have u ever had sex with 2 ppl in the same family? no


91. have u ever had sex with someone related 2 u? no


92. have u ever had sex with an animal? no


93. have u ever had pains as a result of sexual acts? maybe a couple cramps or sore legs or something. nothin big.


94. have u ever fallen asleep during sex? no.. have i ever wanted to though? yes.


95. have u ever answered the phone while u were having sex and kept going? haha, pooooorrr niki.


96. have u ever broken anything having sex? candle fell off a nitestand once, didn't break though.




AND FINALLY


97. describe ur worst sexual experience: you know it gets really boring when you get on a routine with someone... every night, same time, and everything. got pissed one night and just laid there. wasn't very exciting at all.


98. describe ur best sexual experience: I'll let ya know in about 6 days.



99. and finally, what's the kinkiest thing u've ever done? Nothin, yet.

Last cigarette: Hmm..

Last car ride: 6am this morning.

Last good cry: Erm... couple weeks ago, if that long.

Last library book checked out: I haven't checked a book out in like... 5-6 years.

Last movie seen: Tin Cup

Last beverage drank: Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper... ick.

Last food consumed: Peice of Banana Bread.

Last crush: He knows, and that's all that matters.

Last time showered: Yesterday evening.

Last shoes worn: My beat up old tennis shoes.

Last item bought: Pop.

Last disappointment: Finding out I have to be at my moms house at 5am tomorrow morning.

Last shirt worn: sweatshirt, plain, bluish.

Last website: livejournal.

Last word/s you said: "mhm"

What colour socks are you wearing right now? white

What's under your bed? I don't know, I'm scared to look.

What time did you wake up today? 6:10pm

_FUTURE_

Who do you want to live with? ...?

What is your career going to be? Your guess is as good as mine. I hope to own my own web design business.

Where are you going to live? again ...?

How many kids do you want? 2-3

Current mood: conent.

Current music: None, but good idea.

Current taste: bleh.. *takes drink*

Current hair: dark... pulled up.... messy.

Current clothes: sweats... wifebeater.. sweater... socks... undies.

Current desktop picture: erm.. *looks* juss the reg plain old ugly background.

(x) - what youve done

(x) been drunk
(x) been high
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
( ) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
( ) been fired or laid off
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of parents house
( )had someone sneek in
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
( ) ever dated someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( )been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) stole something from my job
( ) celebrated new years in times square
(x gone on a blind date
(x) crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( )been to Europe
(x) skipped school
( )cut yourself on purpose
(x) had children
( )seen someone die
( ) been to South America
(x) Punched a friend
(x) Been to Cananda
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been on a plane
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show (does the movie count?)
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) Been moshing at a concert
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to collenge
( ) graduated college
(x) taken painkillers
( ) miss someone right now


UNIQUE --

1. Nervous Habits? Used to bite my nails. Now I juss fidget.. or look around.

2. Are you double jointed? elbows, i think... fingers.

3. Can you roll your tongue? nope

4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? hehe

5. Can you blow spit bubble? I'm sure I could if I tried.

6. Can you cross your eyes? yea

7. Tattoos? no

8. Piercings and where? Tongue, belly button. Used to have belly button done twice.

9. Do you make your bed daily? hahaha you're hilarious.

-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first? which ever one i find first.

11. Speaking of shoes, what shoes are you wearing right now? none

12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? whatever i have

13 Favorite piece of clothing? pjs.

Ever wonder if your closest friends, family, or whatever, are lying to you? Maybe not telling you the whole truth? Or even hiding something from you? Join the club. I don't know what it is, or even why. I just do. Just an eerie, creepy feeling sometimes. That's right, it's not all the time. Just sometimes. Then I don't know what to think. My head says some things, and then my heart tells me not to believe them. I guess when you care about someone so much, you don't want to believe anything bad. Anything that may change the way you feel about them. I guess that's the bad part for falling for people so easily. Sometimes I wish I didn't fall so easily. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much. Sometimes I wish people didn't care so much about me either. It'd be so much easier sometimes. Maybe a little lonlier, but easier nonetheless. Sometimes I wish I never had a computer....

 

 

 

The End.

I'm in a bad mood, go figure. Niki's a bitch. The End. I've done deleted myself off of the rating sites I'm on. Like realpics, youbeex, AND dilly. So, now I've got to find something else to do when I'm online. Eh, Oh well. Josh might not be happy that I did it... but oh well.

I slept like hell last night. Couldn't sleep. Just kept thinking bout random stuff. Well.. at least stuff that kept me awake. It kind of sucked. I'll prolly be going to bed early tonight. Who knows.

I was supposed to go to my step mom's today. But I called there at like 1:30 this afternoon and no one answered or even called back.... and I don't have her cell number here like I thought I did. Hope she's not mad. But I know they have caller ID. They could've seen I called and called me back. But oh well...

 

I'm done.

/end.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
- Michelle

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
- walknmperfecshun
- yurh0m3g1rl
- h8nmewntmkeuprty

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- hair
- eyes

- the ability to love him

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- the ability to love..period.
- my body

- a lot of the people that live around here

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
- not being able to be with him at all.
- be alone

- weird noises in the dark

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
- sweat pants

- hoodie
- a frown

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists):
- bowling for soup
- trapt
- nelly

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
- finish school

- diff job
- find the definition of love

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (Love is a given):
- honesty
- faithfulness

- no distance

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
- i hate myself sometimes

- im in love
- i can cook

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
- arms

- personality
- tummy

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
- get long with everyone
- go without mountain dew for more than a day

- say the right things to him

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE PASTTIMES:
- games. whether it be board/card/computer.
- phone
- computer

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
- web designer
- business owner
- anything else with computers

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
- hawaii

- jamaica
- carribean islands

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
- love someone that loves me just as much and marry them. 
- make more than 40 grand a year

- have another baby or two by the one i will marry. 

So, I just got done writing some stuff in my dilly profile. I got to thinking about some stuff and had to pour my heart out somewhere, and that was the first place I was at. Well, when I got done writing it, I decided that it needed to be put in here... so that's what I'm going to do. I may or  may not add to it, I haven't decided just  yet. We'll see.... ANYWAYS, here it goes....

There's this guy. He knows who he is, and if he doesn't… he will when he reads this, if he reads it. He's my everything. Him and I connect on so many levels, it's not even funny. It's actually unbelieveable. I never thought that I could have these kinds of connections with someone, let alone so many of them. He's everything I've ever wanted in someone. He literally is. No this isn't one of those e-crushes. Him and I have been talking for over two years. I personally think that the best way to get to know someone is online. It a lot easier to learn about that person. Only because you don't really have to worry about the whole honesty thing. I think it's a lot easier to be honest with someone if you aren't face to face. You are a lot more comfortable about what you say and a lot more confident. Not as self conscious and not as worrysome about what that person thinks about you. I just think it's an easier way to be able to get to know them. To learn everything you can about them. Everything that they'll let you learn. Anyways, to make a long long story a little bit shorter. I love this kid more than anything in the world. He's everything I've ever dreamed of. I'm not even being sarcastic or extending the truth. This is all straight honesty. I know that eventually him and I will go somewhere.. we'll be together. I just have to wait for the time to come. I know this because there's only a few things that are stopping us now. And 400-500 miles is what it is, so far. That will all change sooner or later. I can feel it. Anyways, his name is Joshua… and he is my everything.

I truly think that he is the one for me. He's the best person in the world to me. He's there for me when I need it the most, and no matter what the situation, even if it may affect him in one way or another, he's there. He forgives me if I hurt him... unintentionally. Him and I talk about what it'd be like for us to be together and it all feels like a big dream. Everytime him and I get to talkin about it all.... all I do is smile. It's not even just a little smile. It's an all out grin from ear to ear, and it's constant. It doesn't stop either. It gives me the best feeling ever and I love the way he makes me feel. I don't know what it is about him... but the things he says and all that make me feel the best I could ever feel. No one else has ever made me feel that way before. I can't really explain it. I just know that there isn't anything or anyone else that could ever make me feel the same way. I've never felt so close to someone... never had anyone understand me even close to the way he does. Or the way I THINK he does anyways. What can I say other than that I love him. Have, for a long, long time. And he knows it.

The other night him and I were talking about the "future." Like about 2 years from now. Him and I were talking about when he gets outta the community colleges he's going to, in 2 years, that maybe he'd try and find a college up near me to go to to finish what he wants to do. I told him that it'd be cool... but it'd definately be more than just cool. I'd love it more than anything in the world. I would give anything for him and I to be together. Seriously. I seriously don't know how to explain any of this. I just know that I love him. I really, truly do. No one could ever take his spot. And if I have to wait 2 more years to be able to have anything to do, physically, with him.. then I will. I've waited a little over 2 years so far, I can wait 2 more. He is definately worth it and I don't care what anyone says. I love that kid more than life itself. I really don't know what I'd do without him now.

Joshua Lukas - YOU are my everything. I don't care how many times I say it.... I'll say it 2398342501 more and I'll be honest everytime I do say it. I don't know what I'd do without you and I don't ever want to find out. Just know that every minute that you aren't here talking to me, I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about us. I dream about the day that we'll be able to have something between us. Something real. Something that no one else can interrupt. Seriously. I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you. I loves you.

Love Always And Forever,

    Michelle Marie

...anything other than what I've been trying to be lately...."

Yeah, I really don't know why I put that there. But that's okay. Lol. It's a song! rawr! A rather good one at that. But, I'm  not listening to that anymore so it's all good. I feel like a dork listening to this song, but that's okay.

Anyways, not much around these parts. Rather boring, actually. Been up to the same ol thing really. Work, home, sleep. I did get to go out and have fun this past sunday... but it came with consequences. Because I called into work on Monday.. and didn't even go in Tuesday so I got wrote up. But oh well I guess. I had fun so I guess that's all that matters, huh? I just can't get into any more trouble at work or I'll be "terminated." But yeah, I hung out with a friend of mine, Matthew, Sunday-Tuesday. Got completely wasted Sunday night which rocked. But it would've been awesome still if I hadn't of gotten drunk. I haven't hung out with him in forever.. so it was cool. He even went shoppng with me on Monday. I got a $100 gift certificate for Great Lakes Crossing Mall. So him and I spent like 4 hours at the mall. I walked out with 3 things. Lol. Only bad thing that came out of hanging out with him was that I got 3 days off work because I got wrote up, and Josh and I got in a big ol fight. But we're over that, thank god.

Speaking of Josh... teehee. I made him take a picture of me with his cam. Just for the hell of it. He thinks it was because I wanted proof that he had a cam. But it wasn't. It was just to pass the time.. and I felt like being an ass. Lol. But... it's cool. Ha.

Look at it. Ain't it soooo cute?! Hahaha. Gawd, I love that kid soooo much. It's unbelievable. Seriously.

Him and I were just talking about the future. Lol. Sounds wierd, but we kinda were. He said something about after his 2 years of college there... that maybe he would come up here to go to college somewhere. That would be awesome. But I'm not going to get my hopes up. Because that's two years from now.. yanno? I don't wanna get all excited, start counting down the days or something wierd like that. Lol. And then shit getting all fucked up. Which is usually what happens to me most of the time because I'm dumb like that. I don't know, we'll see. That's okay though. I think I can wait. If it's meant to happen, meant to be, then it will. That's how it all works. Just gotta leave it to fate and all that junk. Lol. I don't know. Just thinking about all that, makes my heart skip a beat. I get butterflies in my stomach. And for that split second, everything feels right. I don't know how to explain it really. That's the only way I can even begin. Maybe you'll understand, maybe you wont. But that's just me. End of story.

Joshua -

  I love you with all my heart. Even though I may not say it all the time... and even though sometimes you may doubt that. I do. No matter how much you may think that I'm lying or that I don't give a fuck about you... I do. You mean a lot to me. You mean more to me than a lot of other people do. I just don't show it well, I guess. I can't tell you what will happen between us, or what I want with us, or even what we are or anything because I don't know. It's just something that we'll have to figure out as the time goes by. Let's just hope that both of us can be patient with it all... teehee. I lurve you, ya old man! <3

Happy New Years to ya'll. mine was great, as if you were even asking. I got trashed... I got a truck. It's all gravy in this neighborhood.  I really just wanted to say a quick 'what's up' since I haven't updated in a while... but there's not much to say really. I'm sick, and it sucks. I had to work at 5am this morning and that sucked too... but I gotta make that money. hahaha. umm, that's really about it... Maybe i'll write something in a few days when i don't feel like total shit. Ya heard. talk to ya later.... much love, lovers.

 

BTW...Joshywa, happy birthday sweetheart. I hope your birthday is better than mine was and I hope you enjoy it. I'm sorry that I kinda didn't realize it at first, but, now I know. and I wont forget next year, I promise. rawr. I love you and I hope you have a great day, old man. ;] bwahahaha.... *xoxoxoxoxoxo* Now, come take care of me, damn it.