This is a place I will put some writings, maybe, and some photos, or anything I make, I guess. Or stuff I see that I like, particularily dad stuff. I guess it's gonna be my little artist outlet.
Parts of me are telling me that it's stupid to have a blog, especially since I'm not much of an artist, but hey, I'm working on it. Plus, it's so easy to use, instant gratification, and easy to keep track of.
Must have been my wedding day, at the beginning of the reception. The sun was still out, we must have just gotten there. Seemed as if all the ladies in the bridal party were running about, maybe pictures? Everyone seemed happy and busy. Lots going on. Kelly was already hammered, not in a bad way, just hammered at the beginning of a reception where she probably had to do things, you know? I was laughing, it was pretty endearing, not embarassing. She was on her way out the door to get some air. I was chuckling. The groom was sitting down at the table, facing everyone. I hugged his neck from behind, told him to watch Kelly. We laughed. He pointed out that my wedding ring didn't fit, I probably lost weight for the wedding. Had a light conversation about it, and losing it, can't remember all that was said. Warm conversation. Stayed in that hugging position for the conversation. Noticed that the wedding ring was gold, and the engagement ring was gold with a little emerald.
Never felt better in my life. More relaxed than I've ever felt. Happier than I've ever felt. Content. The tenseness that is always in my shoulders and upper back (that does not leave, no matter how I try. my most comfortable is always has that sliver of tense) was completely gone. I felt loose, happy. Laughed about Kelly, told hubby I was going to check on Kelly or something of that nature, and woke up.
I drew 12 very tiny jelly jars the other day. I'd say the best looking flavors are cranberry, mint, pear, and raspberry. Worst one? Grape.
Spent several days at the Lanzendorfers. Good family time.
Drank rum all night. Felt great.
I don't have much to say. I've noticed that it seems that this whole journal is full of me saying that it's time to change, or that a big change is coming. Well, I never believe it and I never do what I say I'll do (unless it's huge things) and what I predict never comes true.
I have nothing to say about that really.
I'll tell you what, though. I feel like my mind has gone to farther places than I'd ever expect. Also, that everything is accelerating at an incredible rate. Erin and I have plans to overcome whatever it is that will let us move on to the next phase.
I didn't fail a single class! HahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSS!
I'm not on the Dean's List for the first time in my IUP career, but whoooooooo gives a shit?!
Biological Anthropology - A (yeah man! worked hard for that A. did killer on the final!)
Human Anatomy and Physiology - C (expected a D. probably deserved a D. she likes me and i was nice in class. that's probably why i got a C.)
Biochemistry and Nutrition - C (hardest fucking final of my life. i deserve that C!)
Prof Topics in Food and Nutrition - B (for skipping nearly every class, that's cool!)
Macroeconomics - B (aced that fucking final, pulled my D up to a B)
and here's the kicker
Nutrition in Disease Part 1 - a fucking B!!!!!!!!!!!! (how can one fail every exam miserably [okay, all but one] and still get a B?! don't know don't care!)
Of course, none of this is interesting to anyone but me, but fuck my life that's great! I thought for sure I was going to have to retake some classes! YESSSSSS WILL GRADUATE ON TIME.
I'm thinking about changing my apartment around. Move the couch to face the window, move my bed to the opposite wall, switch the curtains. Move the table into my bedroom, book case at the top of the stairs.
I'm thinking about spending a week locked in my apartment. Alright maybe 3 days.
From time to time, I think I'm way too old for this shit.
I think I am going to get a job on Philadelphia Street somewhere. Actually, I know how slim that possibility is. I'm well aware that I am lazier than my ambitions -- my short term ambitions.
I struggle with the decision on whether to leave after I graduate or to move away. For a little while I decided on stay, but recently I'm back on the move away kick.
I have to get a 45 out of 100 on my final to pass Biochem.
Hahaha, I'm still nervous as hell.
19 credits... never again! What was I thinking?! If I were a Communications major, yeah, sure, but I actually have to apply myself. Hahahaha come on guys you know it's true.
I can't believe I'm still in college. OH MY GOD I'M STILL IN COLLEGE. WHEN WILL THIS SHIT EVER ENNNNNNNNNNNNND!?!?!??!?!?!
I rarely have the type of optimism and enthusiasm I currently have at the moment, and it's nice to have it! When I was younger, I felt it much more.
(that goes for most things)
Anywho, I aint trying to say anything important. Well, I mean it's important but know that I'm not trying to be eloquent or anything of that sort. I'm just trying to tell myself that I'm feeling good, and that I can do what I like. And that life aint over. There are always things to look forward too, to believe in, and to fight for. There will always be things to work on. I'm excited about that.
Talking to Emmy this weekend really just, you know, snapped me into it. By it I mean deliberately improving my mindset when it comes to myself and my insecurities. I do make say think many negative things about myself, and I don't need to.
Mom got me a spa package deal for my birthday because I've worked so hard. And, you know, she's right. I have worked incredibly hard. And I've done things I'm proud of. And I've been a person I'm proud of. So, cool. I can't wait for the swedish massage! And facial! And hand massage! I don't know if I'm excited about the foot massage... I think I might switch that with some hot tub time.
Looking forward to being relaxed!
Yeah man feeling good not giving a care about anything.
