Pingu

What Happened to the Knight in Shining Armour?

Once upon a time a love story involved two things, Hero’s and romance. The fairy tales all tell of the gallant knight that rescues the princess from certain death, or in some cases the princess who rescues the handsome prince (looking at you froggy).

The characters of a traditional romance were not necessarily as two dimensional as the hero’s and heroines of children’s tales but the archetypes were still somewhat similar, though a bodice ripper would not be complete without a strong independent woman in situations beyond her control, unlike the hapless princess who waits for her rescue.

But somewhere things have gone a little haywire. I call it the “Edward Cullen Effect” (ECE) for though Eddy was certainly by no means the first he is the most obvious caricature of the decline of the strong male lead into an emotional wreck of mental illness and emotional scaring. We are no longer presented with a masculine hero who can protect and love the heroine but rather an anti-hero that the heroine and the heroine alone is able to fix or not, after all if you can save the hero from his haunted past he would have no reason to stand around looking broody.

I have long had an obsession with what we call bodice ripper romance novels and whilst I have not read nearly the quantity as Tracey, I get the formula and I know where it is going. I consider myself to be somewhat knowledgeable in the tragic soft core erotica that is historical and fantastical romance novels. The formula is thus, take a strong independent and beautiful woman who for whatever reason does not wish to be in a relationship with anyone, insert strong male lead, play game of cat and mouse, end up together in the end. Sure there is generally flaws on both sides but they aren’t insurmountable – and within 200 or so pages those problems have generally been resolved and the problems are now from an outside villain trying to keep the new loving couple apart.

As many of you know I have become somewhat obsessed with a computer game called Dragon Age made by Bioware. It has everything I love about stories – corny romance, and the ability to play a woman who kicks ass and fells the enemy by the bucket load. But I am concentrating on the romance options for the moment and how the ECE has taken effect in this particular place. I could write epic pages on the selfishness of Alistair in Origins, or the emotional detachment of Morrigan, the abuses suffered by zevron that make him sexually available but never truly emotionally stable and then there is Leiliana – don’t even get me started on the god bothering lesbian with mummy issues. However I prefer to illustrate my point by taking a look at the Dragon Age 2 love interest Anders.

Anders is a mage, and apostate to be correct which is an illegal mage, and to boot you also find out at the beginning (SPOILER ALERT) that he has merged with a fade spirit which also makes him an abomination. Hawke (thats me) in this playthrough is a human female rogue. You have options to flirt with Anders from very early on and whilst some of the “basic” flirt options turn into quite weird actual conversation (you should stay somewhere else – becomes don’t tell me these things or I may just have to lock you up) and there is many a reference to Hawke being a bit of a bondage queen (2 options so far that have reference liking to be hurt in addition to the lock you up comment), there is alos an indication of a not so healthy obsession with the “possession”, begging the question is it ever not a threesome with Anders and if so what cause does he have to be so damn grumpy. Further he keeps informing me that as an apostate our lives will never be normal, he will always be hunted, we would always have to avoid the templars (which we have successfully done with little effort for 6 years now – oh did I mention I come from a family of apostates you douchebag – that is NORMAL for me.)
To be honest I chose that I would romance Anders in DA2 before I even started the game. The same character in DA:A was light hearted, fun the perfect partner. Not so in DA2, where he has become a romantic option and somehow been injected with the ECE. He is dark, broody, broken beyond repair and also selfish.

So leave him you say, but then what are the other romance options, the tortured Elf bent on revenge against his former slave master that keeps him emotionally distant with body issues due to his forced lyrium tatoo’s? The former ship captain thief who game says carries STD’s like others carry copper peices, possibly able to be emotionally attached but doubtfully ever physically monogamous? Or perhaps the overly innocent Dalish elf who reminds me of a wide eyed child? Lets not forget I can pay some extra $$ to unlock the stable but celebrate Human.... oh the choices.

Where is the good guy, the one who will stand beside me as an equal and take on evil like in the tales of old. Not the whiny anti-hero that needs me to prop them up emotionally whilst simultaneously taking on the forces of evil single handed.

The ECE in short takes mental illness and glorifies it as something “sexy” I dread the generation of tweens now growing up who will no doubt think comparing their particular brand of crazy is more likely to get them a date then a nice smile and good conversation.
Pingu

2011

So 2011 I want you to be a good year, I try so hard, we have a new nice house, I am on my way to a year of 1 group certificate (first time in about a decade) and I am really trying to be motivated to my goals, but throw me a freaking bone already. I can’t work in these conditions at all. It’s against regulation I’m sure. I’d take my issues up with our HR department but the Universe is a bigger knob jockey than you are 2011.

I get it, I’m a loser worker bee amongst all the other losers in your petting zoo. I’m no one special and I can deal with that but if you keep up your tirade of harassment I guess I am just going to have to quit and hope that I can get a better year elsewhere.
Pingu

Reality Check

More lyrics/songs that encapsulate my current mood
Del Amitri - Nothing ever happens

Post office clerks put up signs saying position closed
And secretaries turn off typewriters and put on their coats
Janitors padlock the gates
For security guards to patrol
And bachelors phone up their friends for a drink
While the married ones turn on a chat show

And they'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Gentlemen time please, you know we can't serve anymore
Now the traffic lights change to stop, when there's nothing to go
And by five o'clock everything's dead
And every third car is a cab
And ignorant people sleep in their beds
Like the doped white mice in the college lab

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Telephone exchanges click while there's nobody there
The Martians could land in the carpark and no one would care
Close-circuit cameras in department stores shoot the same video every day
And the stars of these films neither die nor get killed
Just survive constant action replay

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Bill hoardings advertise products that nobody needs
While angry from Manchester writes to complain about
All the repeats on T.V.
And computer terminals report some gains
On the values of copper and tin
While American businessmen snap up Van Goghs
For the price of a hospital wing

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before
Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
They'll burn down the synagogues at six o'clock
And we'll all go along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow
Pingu

another song that encompasses my mood - Kiss - Beth

Beth, I hear you callin'
But I can't come home right now
Me and the boys are playin'
And we just can't find the sound
Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do

You say you feel so empty
That our house just ain't a home
And I'm always somewhere else
And you're always there alone

Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do

Beth, I know you're lonely
And I hope you'll be alright
'Cause me and the boys will be playin'
All night
Pingu

seeing who pays attention

Put your music player on random. Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song. Some songs I have posted 2 lines. Some songs I have missed the boring talking bits at the start. Let everyone guess what song (Not worrying about artists as a lot of songs I have are covers). Mark the songs when someone guesses correctly. Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!
1. I'm Lying here on the floor where you left me - Like a Pill - Pink - Tina

2. Kiss me out on the beaded barley - Kiss Me - Sixpence none the Richer - Sussanah
3. She got eyes of the bluest skies - Sweet Child of Mine - G'nR - Sadhbh and Princess
4. I got my sights set on you and I'm ready to wait
5. Your on the phone with your girlfriend she's upset
6. I will not make the same mistakes that you did
7. Go Away give me a chance to miss you - Leave me alone (I'm Lonley) - Pink - Tina

8. No other face could take you off my mind
9. We've known each other for so long
10. When your a jet your a jet all the way - The Jet Song - West Side Story - Lynette
11. Youll never understand the way I am
12. Honey came in and she caught me red handed creeping with the girl next door - It wasn't me - Shaggy (feat rick rock) - Princess
13. Yesterday there was so many things I was never told - Yesterdays - G'n'R - Sadhbh and Princess
14. I go everywhere for you
15. Something has changed within me - Defiying Gravity - Wicked - Sussanah
16. Don't ask me what you know is true - Never tear us apart - INXS - Sussanah
17. Father of mine, tell me where have you been - Father of Mine - Everclear - Duck
18. We are what we're supposed to be - Cartoon Heros' - Aqua - Sussanah
19. Mama please stop crying
20. I got a brand new jumper
21. Do I attract you do I repulse you with my queasy smile - Grace Kelly - Mica - Princess

22. I would take the stars out of the skies for you - You to me are everything - (The Real Thing) - Lynette (band added)
23. I'm just a hairy guy - Hair - Hair - Sussanah
24. Tonight it's very clear
25. Trailer for sale or rent
26. Star Trekin across the universe - Star Trekkin' - The firm - Tina

27. I love it in your room at night - In your room - The Bangles - Princess
28. In a time where the sun decends alone
29. Dark in the city, night is a wire
30. Another day is going out
Pingu

Suspicious Minds

I have always loved this song by Elvis. But I wonder, how does one give up on suspision and is doing so just going to leave them looking like the bigger shmo later?

In any case here are the lyrics to the song that kind of encapsulates my feelings at the moment.

We're caught in a trap

I can't walk out
because I love you too much baby;
But why can't you see
what you're doin' to me

when you don't believe a word I say;

We can't go on together
with suspicious minds;
and we can't build our dreams
on suspicious minds;

So
if an old friend I know
drops by to say hello

would I still see
suspicion in your eyes ?
But
here we go again

asking where I've been;
And you can't see these tears are real
I'm crying;

Won't let our love survive
or dry the tears from your eyes

but let's don't let a good thing die

when honey
you know I have never lied to you;
Mmm
Yeah
yeah;
Pingu

Labels, and why I am always on about them

Been a while since I have put on my ranty pants here, and it seems that all my rants can be summed up into one nice box, peoples is stupid.

Today on the wonderful world of flamebook, I have found myself in a discussion about the labels of sexuality. Now I can hear you all say why don't you just STFU and let morons be morons but well when someone says something this moronic the only way forward is to point it out.

The comment was thus, "Actually I know a lesbian who's dating a straight man... she still considers herself lesbian because he's the only man she's into." My thoughts were simple if you are sleeping with a man, in a relationship with a man, then at best you can call yourself bisexual, the concept of which is used to describe someone who will swing both ways. Lesbians by definition only swing the one way.

I got a response, which can be summed up as "I don't force labels onto people and accept the ones they give themselves." so perhaps my response overstepped the line but here is is anyway.

"by that way of thinking then I can label myself anything I want. From this day forth I can be a Lesbian because I say I am, despite the fact that I am married to a male, and have never had a sexual experience with a female. I can also label myself a goth despite not being involved in the subculture anymore, hell I can also say I am Greek having ... See moreno Greek heritage or ancestry, having not even been to Greece.

Labels are used to box people into groups, and as a general rule I am against them because I feel that everyone is more than just one group, and means more than just one label. However if you are going to use a label it should be accurate. Peanut butter should not be hiding in the Vegemite jar."

I have now been told that labeling people "against their will" will mean that no one will want to be around me. To that I say if those people are wankers that label themselves against the fact because the label sounds cool, or they think they are more prestigious because of it, then realistically I can't say I will be crying.

Of cause I have decided not to answer on flame book because I keep seeing that picture about winning and still being retarded.