The Noise Never Stops

i might not post on this anymore..
or i might.
who knows.
we'll see what happens.

so i guess this is goodbye.



bye

everything i do,
is for you.


so what is it that you can't see?

jennys getting people to leave stupid replys on my journal.
how SAD.

lol and apparently, i have "hiden feelings for jenny."
LMAO
oh man, LOL i laughed so hard at that, i thought i was gonna pass out.
uhhh.. just so you know, if i had any feelings for her, she'd know.
and the only feelings i have towards her is pity.
just because she can't handle rejection, that's her problem, not mine.
and again.. I DONT LIKE HER.
jeez, you seem to be just as dumb as her and not get that through your head.

I DONT LIKE THE FUCKING GIRL!(thought id say it again.. maybe it might sink in this time... but i know it'll be just wishfull thinking)
I NEVER FUCKING DID.
I HAD ZERO FEELINGS FOR HER IN THAT WAY.
and if that makes me a bitch, then so fucking be it.
and how dare you leave stupid comments on my journal when you know JACK fucking shit.
shes the one with the problem not me.
so fuck you.
last time i checked i wasent obsessing over a girl for 3 YEARS!
i get the hint when it's done and over with.
i dont keep shrines of them.
i dont keep their fucking gum.
i dont stare at their pictures for hours.
i dont stalk them.
i dont even TALK to them period.
i dont call them at 2 fucking 30 in the morning (which is kinda creepy by the way.)
dont call just to hear my voice, that's sad.
and if i'm hurting her feelings right now..
then..
TOO FUCKING BAD!

im SICK of people making me feel guilty because i dont wanna be with her.
for once, let her fucking deal with what we call LIFE.
she can't have every fucking thing she wants when she whines for it.
so fucking ACCEPT IT and move on with your sad existence.

and don't be fucking calling me, bitching me out.. cuz you know what..
that's fucking pathetic.

IM NOT HERE TO FUCKING FIX HER LIFE.
I'M NOT HERE TO MAKE HER HAPPY.
IM HERE TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY.

SO FUCK YOU

And Have A Goodnight :)

god only shows you what you cant have.
and what you dont want, well..
it's handed to you.


i dunno how..
but i think my heart broke again.
i guess thats the power of the mender..
only they know how to break it.

doesn't hurt so much after the second time.
you don't really feel anything.
just a numbing sensation.
and in time, i will learn to love the numbness.

but then i'll fuck it all up again
by falling for another girl.
or maybe..
i'll let this one just suck the life out of me.
either way..

she wins.
they always win.


dreams are strange things.
never knew a dream could make you feel this way.
makes me never want to sleep again.

Elsa is Jenny

Elsa says:
i am trying to ask you to go out
Mel- says:
go out where? like on a date? :s
Elsa says:
:$
Mel- says:
:s ?
Elsa says:
do you want to, we can take it slow
Mel- says:
:| uhhh
Elsa says:
please dont be mad, im very nervous just saying this to you
Mel- says:
im not mad.... but um
Elsa says:
whats wrong?
Elsa says:
please tell me
Mel- says:
i cant go on a date with you
Elsa says:
why
Elsa says:
can we give it a try? you know how much i feel for you
Mel- says:
and that's why i can't go on a date with you

**gets weird right about....... NOW!**

Elsa says:
because i love you? you are the reason i left dj, because you are the only person who makes me happy
Mel- says:
you don't love me
Mel- says:
how can you love me?
Elsa says:
yes i do. more than u think
Mel- says:
its infatuation
Mel- says:
thats all
Mel- says:
us going on a date, will give you hopes. hopes of there being an us
Elsa says:
no i just want to try
Elsa says:
there is nothing wrong with trying
Mel- says:
there is in this case
Mel- says:
i can't go on a date with you
Mel- says:
it wouldn't feel right... i wouldn't feel right
Elsa says:
why wouldnt it feel right?
Mel- says:
because my eyes don't see you that way
Mel- says:
and neither do my feelings
Elsa says:
ok fine i understand. your eyes see someone else, don't they?
Mel- says:
im sorry
Elsa says:
your not sorry, you give everyone chances and you always push me to the side, im sorry
Mel- says:
i dont push you to the side
Mel- says:
you do this to yourself
Mel- says:
don't blame me.. ive told you, nothing is there
Mel- says:
i see no sparks with you

the nerve of her to say i push her aside? what the fuck?

Elsa says:
how am i doing this to myself?
Mel- says:
because you keep hoping on something THAT ISENT EVEN THERE
Mel- says:
not my fault you can't move on. we didn't even share anything. we had nothing. and you love me? something had to be there, for any deep feelings to occure. you knew nothing about me. and you still know nothing about me. you "love" the past melissa. i'm not that melissa anymore. and i refuse to be that melissa again.
Mel- says:
when i do decide to go out with someone, ima make sure something is there.. a spark. a.. feeling.. anything! anything meaningful
lsa says:
your a hipacrite- i dont even know if i spelled that right but whatever, you talk about wanting to be in a loving relationship and you want someone to love you well you have it but you are refusing it
Mel- says:
I DO WANT A LOVING RELATIONSHIP
Mel- says:
BUT I WANT TO LOVE THAT PERSON
Mel- says:
AND I DONT FUCKING LOVE YOU
Mel- says:
GET. IT. THROUGH. YOUR. HEAD!
Mel- says:
and dont you EVER call me a hypocrite
Mel- says:
and i will fucking refuse anyone, as many times as i'd fucking like. because i will NOT go out or date anyone just for the fuck of it.

YOUR FUCKING KIDDING ME! Man!

Sane people God.. MAKE MORE SANE PEOPLE!

Elsa says:
i know your not stupid, you should date people you feel for
Mel- says:
damn fucking straight

Mel- says:
im going now
Elsa says:
melly its me, elsa what is going on?
Mel- says:
ask her, im sick of this and im done feeling guilty. my punishment is up. i've served it enough.
Mel- says:
tell her, it's best we don't talk. cuz i really am sick of this shit
Elsa says:
she says" what ever makes you happy"
Mel- says:
yeah, and for fucking once, i'ma do what makes me happy.
Mel- says:
im tired of feeling guilty because of her
Mel- says:
she has no fucking right
Mel- says:
ima go to bed elsa
Mel- says:
i have work in the moring


Tss.

All I have to say

Oh and.... WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Night

one broken heart.

all that's happened, or is happening is because we made it this way.
we did this.
we wanted this.
and we will regret it every step of the way.


you can run away from almost everything in this world..
except for one thing..
regret
sometimes that 6 letter word can hurt more then the 4 letter word.

we'll always have things we (insert 6 letter word here)
and anyone who say's any different is a liar..

you always regret.
always


you will never rest..

She said I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever really been loved
By a hand that’s touched me, and I feel like somethings gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry, well

This ain’t over, no not here, not while I still need you
Around
You don’t owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good

I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
yeah, I will, I will

She said I don’t know why you ever would lie to me
Like I’m a little untrusting when I think that the truth is
Gonna hurt cha
And I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me
You couldn’t stand to be near me
When my face don’t seem to want to shine cuz it’s a little bit dirty, Oh well

Don’t just stand there, say nice things to me
I’ve been cheated I’ve been wronged, and you
You don’t know me, Well I can’t change
I won’t do anything at all

Oh but don’t bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so
Crazy, crazy
Don’t rush this baby

-Matchbox 20

"and the leaves fall from the air.
they hit the ground and await their death.
the sun is slowly fading..
as autumn takes its final breath."

By: D&M

many people physically harm themselves, because it gives them power. gives them control. they become the creators and the destroyers. no god. god doesn't play a part in their pain, nor in their happiness. because god can never make them feel as divine as they feel when they see their skin ripped open. and the one true essence of mankind dripping down on them.

i don't cut, not anymore. those leave visable scars. i harm myself in a different way. forgiveness is my razor. and i cut my heart. sometimes so deep, but it doesn't matter. because i become divine. while their wounds heal with my "i forgive you" i rip myself open on the inside. and it feels so fucking good. it's an addiction. sometimes i beg for people to hurt me. what they do, does not compare to what my own two FUCKING hands can do. they don't compare to what my FUCKING thoughts can do.

i have a problem. but it's out of my reach. i don't have control... not anymore. it makes you feel like you do.. for that second, you know what it's like to be god. it lets you taste it. just that drop on your lips, has you hooked. makes you wanna do it again. i have a fucked up way of coping with things. i have a fucked up way of dealing.

who knew there were so many ways you could hurt yourself. i don't know how i came about this. i must of been in one of those moods. where you black out from the pain. and you have that little voice, who speaks quickly to you. you know that voice. the raspy one. the one that just makes your skin crawl. that guy. he's a fucking brilliant motherfucker.

we're all sadistic fucks. we'll do anything for it. for the pleasure. as bad, and wrong we know it is, we don't care. as fucked up it.. they.. can leave us. you just don't care.

when scars consume everything inside. you have nothing else to lose.
because you've already lost.
you just don't know it.