happydalek: (Default)
Everybody remembers the first Star Wars movie, right?  Remember that line of Han Solo's about how the Millennium Falcon made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs?  Everybody always picks on that line, because as every proper geek knows, a parsec is a unit of distance, not time, so "it doesn't make any sense," they insist. 

I beg to differ, for two possible reasons.  Firstly, what is a parsec?  Google tells me that a parsec is equal to about 3.26 light years.  What's a light year?  That's the distance light travels in a year, or about 10 trillion kilometers.  Wait.  The distance that light travels in a year.  Isn't a year a measure of time?  So if a parsec measures distance according to time (which it does), then it's perfectly reasonable for Han to use it like he did.  He later tells Luke that the Falcon can travel ".5 past lightspeed." 

So, people who like to calculate, if the Falcon makes the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs, traveling at a speed that is 1.5 times the speed of light, how many kilometers is the Kessel Run?  (Seriously, somebody who knows physics, please check me on this one.  Does that work?)


But, for those of you who don't like math and would prefer a more tl;dr explanation with wacky visuals, then try this explanation:

Ever use mapquest or google maps to plot a trip?  Did you ever notice how it usually gives you two options when it calculates directions?  One is something like "shortest distance," and the other is "shortest time."  For guys like Han, who are glorified space truckers, it's going to be very important to know every possible shortcut that exists to get anywhere, both to save on energy expenditure, and to avoid capture (since he's a smuggling space trucker).  Now, I hear the argument rising, "But space is huge and mostly empty, and he's got a hyperdrive.  How can there be shortcuts in space?"  Or something like that.  I have an answer to that one, too. 

I don't know that it's ever been firmly established what kind of physics is involved in Star Wars, but we know that regular space is all bent and twisted from the gravity wells of planets and stars and things, making the universe analogous to a timey-wimey, wibbly-wobbly ball of yarn floating in hyperspace.  Jumping from Tatooine to Alderaan, for example, means that instead of following the thread through all the twists and windings of normal space, the Falcon leaves the thread, shoots through the empty spaces to where Alderaan is, and re-enters the thread.  But have you ever looked at ball of yarn?  It's all folded up on itself and packed tight, so the Falcon would still have to navigate around the thread of normal space - while still inside the ball of the universe - following the pockets of hyperspace to the right point.  Quicker, yes.  But still requiring some fancy maneuvering.

Looking at it that way, Han's ability to make the Kessel Run in only 12 parsecs could simply mean that the Kessel Run involves a very convoluted region of normal space where the hyperspace corridors are narrow or difficult to find because of how tightly normal space is all folded up on itself.  Han either managed to find a way to navigate around it all in hyperspace that only cost him 12 parsecs, or maybe he managed to re-enter the thread at a point only 12 parsecs from where he jumped, where most pilots (who aren't reckless and crazy) skip the whole region because it's such tricky navigation.  Choose your favorite flavor.


 

 


happydalek: (Default)
Neither of these seem terribly original to me, but the ideas amused me nonetheless:
  1. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Maul are recruited by the White Guardian to fetch the 18 pieces of the Key to Space.  (If he's got one for time, it just figures he'd have one for space, y'know?)  
  2. Jar Jar Binks is the Chosen One of the Jedi and falls to the Dark Side.  Provisional title: "Qui-Gon got it a bit wrong." 
(Actually, I'm half-tempted to make this fanon: Jar Jar Binks has Super Duper Force Potential.  (Click the link and read how this is not such a crazy idea.  Go on, you know you want to.)  He can't control it, and causes accidents that get him banished from Gungan society.  He runs into Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, owes Qui-Gon a life debt, goes along on their adventure.  For the purposes of this nutty theory, Qui-Gon has a weakness in that he's not all that great at sensing untapped Force potential.  When they land on Tatooine and run into Anakin who also has Force potential, the combined aura of Jar Jar and Anakin is enough to trigger Qui-Gon's spidey sense, so he mistakenly assumes that Anakin must have Super-Duper Force Potential. 
Cut for midichlorian fanon and a total reinterpretation of the Star Wars Saga as a giant case of Mistaken Identity. )


happydalek: (please)
Remember back in May when I blogged about the Legacy of the Force novels and how much they sucked?  Well, I just found out that the first book of a sequel series called Fate of the Jedi was published last week.  And guess what?  Just like Legacy, it's going to be another 9-volume collaborative effort between three authors.  Two of those authors are Aaron Allston and Troy Denning, who were 2/3 responsible for Legacy.  Karen Traviss, the third member of the Legacy triumvirate (and pretty much the only one whose books were worth reading) had to back out because she was too busy.  Good for you, Karen.  Run away.  Run far, far away from this impending train wreck as you can.  So Christie Golden will be providing the girl power this time.  

I saw the first book, Outcast, in the bookstore today, and it actually made me angry.  I couldn't finish Legacy of the Force.  I made it to the sixth book and threw in the towel because the whole thing was just so ill-advised and poorly executed.  Most of all, it was just plain unnecessary
I don't know about any of you kids out there, but here's one Star Wars fan that is suffering some major Skywalker/Solo fatigue.  A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...and we just keep circling around this little human family?  Let it go, already!  Luke, Leia and Han are pushing 70 years old, they've earned their retirement a bazillion times over.  In my opinion, the only fitting way to follow this series is by pretending it never happened at all.  It did terrible, terrible things to characters I had come to really enjoy, and it hurts to see them reduced to crappy fanfic caricatures for profit.   

I didn't mean for this post to sound so vitriolic, but apparently I care a bit more than I thought I did.  Between Lucas' inept movie sequels and these literary transgressions, I am getting seriously disillusioned with the state of Star Wars fandom.  Star Wars and its fans deserve better.  




happydalek: (Default)
From looking at my journal entries, you wouldn't be able to tell that 90% of my free time is spent writing fic.  Seriously.  It's practically my default setting: "Hmm, I'm bored.  I know!  I'll write a few scenes."  It always has been, since even before I knew how to write.  I'd dictate stuff to my parents and then draw the illustrations.  The problem is, I don't finish things.  Ever.  Well, not ever ever.  I have a few short fics, drabbles and the like that are floating around on the internets. 

But for as much as I write, the proportion of it that is complete is so astronomically unbalanced that it might as well equal zero.  With that track record, writing is a huge, HUGE waste of my time.  So much so that I'm thinking I might give it up for lent this year as a vice.  0_o. 

It's a terrifying thought, but it's either that, or I finally discover a fount of discipline somewhere and start finishing stuff.  I'd very much prefer the latter to happen, but the only way it's likely to is if I become accountable to somebody other than myself.  I'd like to make it a quasi-New Year's Resolution, to finish my fics.

So in that spirit, here's the Unfinished Fic Meme that some of you out there have done already.  It's a simple one, to post snippets of things that are rotting away on your harddrive.  Since that basically constitutes the sum total of my documents folder, the following is a very small, hand-picked sample. 

First, the fanfic.  More specifically, the non-Doctor Who fanfic.

Star Wars

1. A tiny scene, set between the two trilogies. 

Darth Vader! )

2. A longer scene from another project, set somewhere post-RotJ

Jedi! And bombs! )     


The Mummy

1.  Would you believe there are almost no Indiana Jones/The Mummy crossover fics out there?  Here's the sum total of one I tried to write.

Imhotep and Jones )

2.  I love the idea of an Imhotep revenge fic.  And ideas were about as far as I got on writing one.

Imhotep! And snarky Rick! )

Star Trek: TOS

Set during the first five-year mission, I had a complete synopsis written up for this, and then...it just kinda stalled on me. 

Kirk, Spock and McCoy banter! )


The Magnificent Seven

Demonstrating my love for teensy, tiny fandoms!  This thing died a quick death when I realized I was writing a Mary Sue.   

Cowgirl! )

The Wild, Wild West

In the last couple weeks I've dreamed up at least 3 different, full-length fic ideas for this show, two of which I promptly lost interest in.  Here's a bit from one of them.

James T. West!  )

Aaaanndd...that brings us to Doctor Who

1. My only attempt at writing Martha. 

Martha! And regeneration! Apparently. )

2.  I keep toying with the idea of writing a sequel to Fissionbut somehow it keeps eluding me.  My working title, appropriately enough, is Fusion. 

Identity issues! )
happydalek: (sleep)
Before I forget, I just want to tell about this awesomely vivid Star Wars dream I had last night: 

I was in a star fighter, dog fighting this absolutely MASSIVE star destroyer.  I mean, this thing was planet-sized.  I almost couldn't see the shape of it, it was so huge.  I managed to land my ship in the hangar, which was rather unlit, like the power grid was out and all that was left were a few emergency lamps here and there.  Yoda appeared, and we ended up inching our way along this dark-as-night narrow ridge that was illuminated only by strips of glowing LED lights and dropped into a mighty dark chasm in the ship (there's always one of those!).  I recall clearly that I was in an orange-and-white flight suit.  We were after this little blond-haired boy that was trying to crawl away from us.  I had this idea that he was Anakin Skywalker.  I ended up getting to the kid before Yoda did, and the next thing I knew, I was back at the Rebel base, holding him and introducing him to everybody there.  He was Luke, and only about four years old.  One of the people I introduced him to was Padme, and she murmured to me, "I'm his mommy."  I murmured back, "I know," but it was clear that Luke didn't know, and was not to find out about this. 

Then I woke up.  I feel very strongly that there is a fanfic in this somewhere.
happydalek: (please)
A few months ago, I started collecting and reading the Legacy of the Force, a 9-book series written variously by three authors, and starring the now all-growed-up Solo Twins.  I started reading it because I had heard people say that it was a good story.  Well, those people lied.  And as much as I'd like to become Ranty McRanty-pants about why, I found a review of the series that pretty much sums up everything I wanted to say (There are spoilers; though I don't like to call them that because it implies I actually cared about what happened in the story.  Frankly, I don't even think the authors did) .  Although I'm only a third of the way through the sixth book, Inferno, I'm finished with the series.  It pains me to see the Galaxy Far, Far Away reduced to this kind of recycled drivel. 

On the up side, I discovered that Timothy Zahn wrote a Thrawn duology, so I'm looking forward to tackling those, next. 

Also, if you haven't played Lego Star Wars, you MUST.   
happydalek: (Default)
I accidentally broke the glass turntable plate in my roommate's microwave oven.  It is replaceable, but to order it and have it delivered on time before we both have to move out, it will cost over $40.  To replace the entire microwave (a la Walmart) would cost about $60.  I have looked on ebay and Amazon for a cheaper plate, but of course the companies have to design their products so that ONLY the replacements they sell will fit.  This one is barely a year old and has been functioning without the plate for over a month now.  (It was on my list of Things To Buy, really, but Life kept interfering and making me forget.)   I'm thinking it really isn't worth it financially to fork over 2/3 the price of a new microwave to replace a stupid glass plate, but I feel guilty about breaking it and I definitely can't afford to buy a new microwave.  Maybe I could take the cost out of my half of the security deposit and give it to him as compensation?

I know, stimulating stuff going on in my life right now. 

In other news, I finished Betrayal, the first of the Legacy of the Force novels, and I'm a fourth of the way into the sequel, Bloodlines.  Betrayal finally got a little more interesting towards the end, but it felt kind of hollow when I had to wade through hundreds of pages of bloated political yammering, lightened only by the occasional dogfight and fannish in-joke.  Bloodlines is about the same size, but hopefully will be less bogged-down in exposition.  Please. 
happydalek: (sigh)
Today, Invincible, the last of the 9-book series, Legacy of the Force came out, in which we presumably will see the defeat of Darth Caedus, Dark Lord of the Sith
[spoiler] )
.  Today is also the day I took all my graduation gift money to the bank.  Saving $50 to "congratulate" myself, I went to the local Borders.  But, surprise! I didn't purchase Invincible, for two reasons: a) it's in hardback, which means it's a billion times more expensive than a paperback, and b) I actually haven't read any of the LotF novels and figured that skipping right to the end would be both cheating, and probably a wasted experience because of all the backstory I'd have missed.  So instead, I purchased the first three novels of the series, Betrayal, Bloodlines and Tempest.  Then I went to the local park, sat down on a sunny bench, and started reading Betrayal. 

happydalek: (squee)
Ahhh, Star Wars, my first fandom love!  How I've neglected you the past few years (though really you started it, making people pay for all the goodies in Hyperspace, which I refused to do)!  But with the final novel in the Legacy of the Force series set for imminent release (Invincible), as well as the trailer for Star Wars: The Clone Wars making the internet rounds, I find myself drawn back into your lovingly imperfect embrace. 

Specifically, I've revisited the truly excellent fanfiction archive at theforce.net.  Seven years young, updated monthly and strictly moderated, theforce.net's archive was my first exposure to fanfiction in any form; that's probably why I'm so able and willing to overlook all the badfic out there and enjoy the stuff all these years later.  I only discovered the boils, sores and pimples after the fact!  (ffn, I'm looking at you.)  Someday I'm going to write some fic of my own (I've been wanting to build on the notion of a Kaiburr crystal for some time now, but my muse just hasn't wanted to kick it into high gear).  I can't believe The Clone Wars is going to be a theatrical release this August and I'm only learning about it now. 

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