she is not dead
I have 10 aunts and uncles. I have only ever been close to one. On Sunday we got word that she passed away that morning. She had breathing problems. She called her neighbor when she started to feel an attack come on and her neighbor who is a paramedic couldn't revive her. So her neighbor called 911 but my aunt lives in a town without any medical care whatsoever so the emergency vehicle got there as soon as they could from the nearest town with an emergency center. It took them 30minutes to arrive which is pretty fast considering the town they came from and then later took her body to is about 50minutes away. They worked on her for about 10minutes before letting her go; it had already been so long. She was only 54. I haven't grieved this hard since Tiny passed.
I had just been planning on going up there some time soon to spend the whole weekend with her. I was going to bring her an art portfolio for the art she had of mine (I didn't know until she told me recently that she even had it) and stay at the haunted hotel nearby (with her if she wanted) and blog all about it at
ontdcreepy and tell her all about ontdcreepy since it was so HER and every Saturday Free For All post reminded me of her. I was going to bring her a cow skull for her cool yard (she has such fantastic things in her yard) and a signed copy of my sister's book that my sister gave my parents to ask me to take up to her on my next trip up there. We were going to have so much fun.After my sister told her about her book my aunt started to write her own biography and wanted Beth to help. September was going to be busy with all of us planning on going up there at one weekend or another, as my parents were also talking of going up real soon.
Last time I was out there was months ago and I had taken two fellow photographers with me. She cooked vegetarian food for them and a cheesecake for me and gave us this special cure-all cream stuff made of sap and resin and stuff that her friend uses on his horses legs; one of the photogs and I both have gimpy problems- me and my foot and he and his calf. My aunt broke like 7 of her toes and within a month was walking on them again cause of this cure-all stuff. While I had spent 5 months in a walking boot. The cure-all has a wonderful smell.
While we were there she mentioned wanting her ashes in a Chock Full O Nuts coffee can and we all laughed. I want some ashes for jewelery to make any family member who wants a keepsake and to make me one and I will be keeping the ashes I get in a coffee jar once I track one down or buy one and give the coffee part away since I can't stand coffee. On the anniversary I will take some of the remaining ashes to spread over the mountains she also mentioned wanting to be spread over. The rest of the box of ashes her daughter has mentioned burying at the foot of her mother's grave since that was a double plot. My mother told her she had that option, that that was what grandma wanted, for one of her children to be there.
I wish I would have spent more time up there with her now. She was the youngest of all the aunts and uncles so I thought we had so much more time to do stuff and now she's gone. If you don't hear from me for a while, this is why. When I'm online, I am doing aimless and boring things for distraction. Anything that requires much thought is beyond my reach right now.
I cannot say, and I will not say
that she is dead - she is just away!
With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,
She has wandered into an unknown land,
And left us dreaming how very fair
It needs must be, since she lingers there.
And you - O you, who the wildest yearn
For the old time step and glad return,
Think of her faring on, as dear
In the love of There as the love of Here;
Think of her still as the same, I say:
She is not dead - she is just away!
~J Whitcomb Riley~
