GreySkyLullaby

Court woke me up again early yesterday morning. She pretty much got the job at Weis and then found out she could not start working till she took out her new nose ring. Real bummer, and she could not take it out. We called my uncle and by the next day she got a nose retainer (as dorky as that sounds), so she can start working soon. Anyway, back to yesterday. I lain in bed for about two hours before I decided to get up, take a shower, and head to Weis for the computer portion of my test. All went well and once I got home I called up Rachel and we went off skateboarding. We had mad fun attempting kick flips and such until she got yelled at by some lady who's daughter died from playing in traffic. Very devastating, of course, but she did not need to be ignorant and we were not even on the road.

On our way back to my place we ran into Brady (the guy I had just met with Court), it was the first time Rachel met him, so we gave him her cell phone number in case I was with her instead of Court. We had a nice chat and we went back inside. Courtney called as soon as I got in and wanted to go skateboarding too, so we headed to her place.

I skateboarded down a steeper hill and a car that could clearly see me started pulling out, I panicked and jumped off my board attempting to hold the board I was taking to Courtney's and keep mine from flying ahead of me. Not so bright. I landed oddly on the pavement and slid throwing one board across the road; the lady stopped for a second then continued to drive away. I got some pretty nasty scrapes, but that is what it is all about...I think. We got there and eventually Rach went home. Court and I stayed out and skateboarded some more. After being exhausted we headed home, watched some TV, and I gave my mom a call and basically told her I was spending the night since I do all the time.

We lounged around most of the day and next thing we know Zac and Noah show up, of course we look like shit, how embarrassing. That is when we realized to get up. It was hot out, so we stayed inside till it cooled down a bit. Her dad made his famous Chinese, so yummy. We decided to do something, so we went out and got some pictures of us skateboarding that did not turn out so great. Maybe next time. An old man came up to me surprised to see girls on skateboards, I found it amusing. We headed back and chilled for a bit till about 8 when I decided to get home before dark to avoid the spiders on the bridge. Oh by the way, Courtney's dad said that I did not have to hide in the bathroom to smoke, insane, huh? It makes me feel better.

I ran into Brady again on the way home. We hung out on his brother's porch to chill and talk. I am thinking I am not interested in him in a sexual way, but it was nice talking to him. He seemed to understand that...I hope. His brother came back, he was sort of cute and I guess he is going skydiving tomorrow, lucky. I look over and I see my brother, Tony, and realize that he lives right beside Vicky's house (the girl Tony is always hanging out with and might as well go out with). Brady told me he sees him here all the time. Small world, huh?

I was going to go to Courtney's tomorrow because her brother, Brandon, is leaving for college. It wont be the same without him, I love Brandon and all the friends he brings around the house which makes life so much more interesting. This is possibly the single most depressing thing in the world and Courtney is going to be so alone. To make it worse, Tony is having his belated birthday family dinner tomorrow, so I have to go out with my parents and not see him off, or be there for Court. I feel so bad.

Ciao

Diary of the Deceased

I am a couple days behind, so I will try to sort through this out without mistaking days. I can't remember what happened two days ago, so how about we start with yesterday.

Courtney woke me up early by breaking into the house and sneaking into my bed. She said if she could not sleep, I was not allowed to either. I got continuous calls that morning. They were mainly from my sister who was coming up later that day, and my dad who was informing us that the house must be cleaned before mom comes home from North Carolina.

Heather told me how she was not going to come home because she allowed Joe to drive the car and despite the fact that he threw a bottle at her and hit her in the face, he bawled when he found that Heather would be leaving him. Of course she felt sympathy. Also, I found out that we are in the whole, Dad went to Heather, who has hardly any money as it is, for 400 hundred dollars; probably for bills. I am trying to be careful not to ask for anything. I suppose we are not supposed to know, not even mom knows, but she is going back to work soon.

Heather took Courtney and I out to Wal-Mart, loads of fun. We met a guy working there who had been watching Heather attempt to knock products down from the top shelf so she could look at them. He told us of how he would climb up there and eat candy bars while on the job because the cameras would not see him. Quite an amusing image. We saw a meteor falling on the way home and I made a wish.

Heather, Courtney, and I got home and mom was already there. Mom had decided to get her belly button pierced without me. Courtney had decided to spend the night because we wanted to get to the school early to get her schedule changed. We headed back to her place and not but down the hill from my house did we run into a 19 year old guy who happened to know Courtney. He yelled hey and we went over, asked Courtney if she was Dustin's ex. Courtney replied reluctantly but she eventually recognized who he was from Willy and Billy's practice sessions. We chose to grasp the moment at hand and gave him her cell phone number to reach us on. Who knows, maybe we will get lucky, or the same thing could happen as last time.

Moving on to the highlights of today. After finding out that we woke up and walked to school for nothing. Courtney and I invited Rachel over and later that afternoon, gave the principal a call. He was not willing to fix her schedule till school started. Angered her greatly.

After an afternoon of an extraordinarily boring get together at the kitchen table consisting of the three of us, mom came home from the dentist and we headed to Weis so I could pick up an application. There, we ran into Kenny who was much more talkative than our last encounter with him, it was nice to see him again. I am going back tomorrow to finish the test portion of my application. Hopefully, I get the job.

Later we grabbed our skateboards and tore the town up....well, sort of. It was hot, we were sweaty, but we had a blast skateboarding down the winding back roads and hilly alleys, especially now that they paved the roads near the library. I walked Rachel and Courtney home, it was not dark till I got home myself, but it was nice to be alone to think. I suppose I will miss this free time once I get a job, but I will sure love the money.

Tabitha was upset for the sake of her boyfriend, Ryne. She had just come back from his dad's funeral. She said he is taking it one day at a time. I suppose it is the only way to take it, or not take it at all...

After two days of little sleep, I am growing tired and stressed. Good night.

P.S. Henry is really starting to piss me off, talking to him was a bad idea and I knew this, and yet I insisted on continuing conversation.


Diary of the Deceased.

I spent today...or yesterday at Court's, spent the night. Had great fun of course. It was so funny, when we finally went to bed I like passed out. We watched Beach Girls, god I love that show. Can't wait till next week's episode. When Court tried to wake me up she tried to warn me that Noah was coming over, he had walked in the door just then and threw a tissue box at me when I would not get up. How rude.

Today or yesterday we went out to see her Uncle and ran into her cousin. So cute. *drools* I think I am a sucker for red-heads. On the way there, I rode with Shaffer and Court rode with Brandon, he got pulled over because he did not have his sticker. Bummer, but he had his papers so he got away with it.

I finally made Brandon's huge ass cookie that he has been bugging me for, for ages. It was the size of a pizza pan. He was quite content. Tehe. Court told me later that he has already eaten 1/3 of it. Geez. I took some pics for Court too for her MySpace. They turned out really good.

We got our schedules today, I was so happy to find out that Derek and I did not get stuck in a 10th grade homeroom because we skipped part of the last day together. YAY! Fausey has some decency after all. We walked in with our skateboards, it was sweet because some people from our class came in and saw us with them. I felt so special. Court and I have a lot of classes together, but her schedule got fucked up, so hopefully we still will when it is fixed.

Derek wants me to go to a party Friday, I do not know if I feel like doing that again, but we will see.

I am just sort of rambling so I can fill pretty much no one in on my life. But here it is, so enjoy! I swear I did not make any run-on sentences...

Cher-io

Hey all. Friday was not a go, very depressing. So, I just sat around the house, said, "Fuck it", and stuffed a yummy Fox's Pizza's Wedgie in my mouth...I chased it with 20 gazillion bottles of water though, so I should be alright. Anywho! I did, on the other hand, have the opportunity to go to not one, but two parties on Saturday. After hours of debating, I chose to go with Pete rather than Rachel, after Rachel insisting that I go with him. I was so uncertain. What if he was not cute? What if I get caught?

Tabby covered for me, so I was hoping it was decently fool proof. I walked to the courthouse at about 8:50, where they were to pick me up at 9:00. As I waited, some cop came up to me and asked if I was lost, and where do I live, the whole time staring down my shirt with his mouth gaping wide open. About on time, they rounded the corner and I held my breath...the moment of truth.

He was driving and had two other friends in the car who I later learned to know as Still (sp?) and Trevor. Pete was...not too bad. He is captain of his football team in Newport and claims to lift. He looked like he lifted so he was not bluffing. Not someone I would date, because when it comes to commitment, I am very picky. But like I said, not too bad. I sat in the front, and Still (one of the guys I had met in the Giant parking lot) talked to me, Trevor a little, but Pete did not at all. I figured he was just being shy, and I can be quick on changing that, so I did not worry about that too much.

We picked up two more guys at the carnival thingy in Greenwood, Cree (sp?) and Kennedy. In all honesty, I thought Cree was hott, but I kept my distance. We built a fire, cause no one else could make it, they were still tired and shit from the party the night before, which I did not get too make it too. They told me their was a shit load of people there, I wish I could have gone, but I got to really know the 5 of them. At first, it was a little awkward, but they offered me some alcohol and a seat, and after we started drinking, it was pretty cool. Still talked to me first, but Pete gave him continuous looks according to Still, so he moved and Pete sat down next to me after the first like half hour.

Jeremy (Still), of course was the first to get real fucked up, I had to keep a watch out for him, because I actually chose not to get waisted. Kennedy was the next to get waisted because Still would fake shots of Bacardi and rum and shit, then hand it to Kennedy. We all talked and laughed and I felt pretty welcomed with the crowd, they all told me I should come around more often. I figured I was not going to be here for nothing, and started to flirt with Pete. Later I gave fucked up Still the seat and sat on Pete's lap. Every time Pete would leave he would tell me he thought it was stupid Pete did not talk to me the whole way up, in the car.

We sent Jeremy and Kennedy to the tent to sleep. But when Trevor was trying to get his keys he went on a drunken rage and bitched Trevor out, which pissed the both of them off, but we had to stop Still from yelling, so Cree, Pete, and I (the only non-completely fucked up ones, apart from sleeping Trevor) pulled him back to the fire and started telling him how that now that he is a senior all the girls would want him just to calm him down. It ended in him gawking at my boobs and complaining that there was not enough pussy to go around, whilst he made fag jokes at Kennedy every time he would crawl his way to the fire and pass out again on the ground. Funny shit.

We all decided to go to sleep, and I crawled in the tent with Pete. Trevor was in there, but had fallen asleep a long time ago. We were so tired, so we only fucked around.

7:00 in the morning, everyone was surprisingly awake, so Pete and I got in the car and he took me home. Sort of pissed me off, because when we came back out after everyone was asleep, we were holding a conversation. Whereas, in the car, he was silent the whole way. All in all, I think it may have been worth it, just because I got to fuck around, have alcohol, and watch his friends be complete dorks.



THE END!

Went to Court's today for comfort. She was pretty upset, but I got her laughing. It was nice to see Brandon and them again. On the way home, we stopped up at Rachel's and chilled with her for awhile. She called later and told me I could not stay at her place Friday since her parents would be in Virginia. So Pete and I are trying to devise a plan to go to the party. Tabby said she would cover for me, but I am not sure anymore if it is worth the risk. And anyway, what if I turn out not to like him, I'm stuck with him the whole night. I do not know anymore. I am just horny and want alcohol.


My sister called early this morning, she had gotten in a wreck. She had a fender bender and needed to also replace her side-view mirror. Or so she told Dad. Truth is, Joe stole the car and wrecked it. Mr. I go out every night and get drunk. Stupid ass. So, she decided to come home tomorrow. So much for living on her own, but it's good she left Joe. Bad kid.

I am going out to pick up an application at Subway tomorrow with Tabby-cat, and maybe do some other stuff. Hopefully I will figure out if I want to go to the party by then. God, I hope this works out right, for the sake of Warped Tour!

Today was pretty cool, or should I say yesterday considering the current time. I woke up at about 1:30, it was nice to sleep in my own bed. Rachel convinced me to go out to Harrisburg with her. It was pretty boring, but we stopped at Giant on the way home because I had to pee and suddenly I felt very spontaneous.

In the restroom, I told Rachel that I was going to talk to the the guys in the parking lot if they were still out there. Behold, they were. I said hey, they said hey, what's up, and from their we discussed whether cigarettes or cigars smelled worse. Then they said to call their friend Pete, because he was single. Rachel decided to, I would not have, and we talked to him. He actually seems really cool and sounds cute. Now we are going to a party with him Friday night, which is totally kick ass. He warned me their will be a lot of drunk senior guys. I practically told him he had to hold my hand the whole time so I would not get raped or something. God, I hope this turns out good.

I got some sad news though. Rachel has to go to court in Philadelphia, it was last minute, so no Warped Tour. I had been looking forward to it all summer. Really sucks.

Courtney and Kerry broke up, unbelievable.


Chiao

He IM'd me again, shut up Jess, shut up. Do not talk to him! Stop talking to him!

What does he want from me?

Why am I giving in?

Arrived home from North Carolina about an hour and half ago. I had fun, but it is so nice to be in the comfort of my own home. My schedule is so hectic, and all I want to do is relax. I guess I will start out by giving you a summary of the much needed vacation.

It all started out with Court and I running across the spider-corroded bridge in the middle of the night, screaming with three eggs in hand...she wanted brownies for the trip and I had run out of eggs. Needless to say, we got carried away, and threw the extra egg at a stop sign. We were outside of my house, waiting for my brother to open the door, and I drop one of the eggs--Devastating.
Long car ride to NC, but it was nice when we got there. Turns out it has been hotter in PA then it was most of the time in NC. I am feeling it now. We did a variety of things: Went to the lake, jet-skiing, hung out at the tattoo shop with my uncle Eddie, chilled with the cousins, Carowinds (an amusement park located on the border of North and South Carolina), lots of shopping (fun times), and so many things I cannot remember at this point.

Court got her nose pierced and I got my belly button done (that makes 7 so far!) by Eddie. Mom was going to get hers done, but backed out last minute because Dad threatened to get a tattoo, which I do not see the big deal.

At the lake, we saw the most horrifying site, hispanics had arrived in their whitey-tighties, it was even worse after they had gotten in the water. Yick! The second time, a wanksta approached me and asked me if I wanted to hook up with him that night and go to a party or something. No thank you.
When we had gone to Carowinds, Court left her cell phone in the car, assuming we would not need it. Turns out, we lost Mom and I had to "work the area" for some money to use on the pay phone. After a couple I-do-not-have-any-change-'s, I approached a red-headed man who looked to be in his twenties, very cute, but my first priority was to find money. He looked to have some, so I asked him. He got a big grin on his face and started asking me if I have a home. Next thing I know, another red-headed man (I assume his brother, just as cute) comes up and starts to joke with me, too. They made me repeat my story a couple of times because they "did not believe me" and finally he said that because he had "sympathy" and something about being hott, he gave me a dollar. They left with the second guy grinning and saying, "Get yourself a hot meal".
I had a couple more encounters with them, always in the same spot. We flirted, and I must admit , I loved it to no end. He asked me if I was working the whole area for money. God, they were so f-ing cute!
Anyway, before I start drooling or something and sounding obsessed with people I will never see again, I'll change the topic.

I got into my "moods" a lot while we were in NC, and I was not able to sleep. I must have just been thinking and worrying too much, I tend to do that a lot. I think Russty hates me now because I would not talk to him the one night. I just was not in the talking mood. Oh well, I guess I can be a whore now...or not. Oh! and on top of everything, fucking Henry IM's me, saying he wants to be my friend. As if we had not had that conversation so many times before we did break up. I got carried away and talked to him a little, I was already feeling vulnerable, he could not have gotten me at a worse time. I really should not have, and we all know if he IM's me again, I will talk to him. I WANT TO HATE HIM SO BAD!!
The day before we left for PA, mom sat down next to me on the couch and picked up my arm. I have so many scars on it, but all she did was point at it. My hands went cold and numb, like the first day they approached me about it. I told her I did not do that anymore, and she kissed my head. I am glad she did not see my wrist, that is not even healed, and she would be so upset. She was destined to see my arm anyway, it was noticeable.

Blah, now I need a cigarette. Oh, speaking of which, I did not make the vacation without one. The second day in, I was stealing packs off my grandmother. Thank god she smokes, I would have died.

I have Warped Tour on thursday, and I have to go to Rach's, see Tabby and apply for a job at Subway, figure out what the hell I am going to wear, and do a number of other things before then. *Sigh*


Cher-io

It's early in the morning, and I find myself taking an excessive amount of pills for a headache that doesn't exist.

I'll drown myself with sleeping pills and dream tomorrow till it's gone.

Lead my life with an awful lie. Who am I?

I leave for North Carolina Friday morning. I despise long car rides during the day, but I'm ready to leave Pennsylvania. Today, I did absolutely nothing, except hang out with Courtney, but that's no surprise. I had to run out to Tom's and get milk, when we pulled up I half expected to see Danny sitting on the picnic table, smoking a cigarette. I almost wish I did, because truth be told, even though I love Courtney to pieces, I am very lonely.

I ran into Nick, my sister's ex-boyfriend, today when I was bringing in the trash cans. It seems all his life consists of nowadays is drugs and alcohol. I have only had a couple run-ins with each, so we did not have too much to talk about. I felt a little awkward standing around, and the sun was bearing down on my back. We said our goodbyes and shortly after, Courtney left. I figured she was bored with me, and I can't say that I blame her. We did not do anything, other than go to the library and cook some food. All in all, I was once again left home alone, but I would much rather be alone than have my parents there, or have to worry about whether my guest is content or not...and now I'm making it sound as if this is a nuisance.

I was talking to Tabitha on aim, she told me that next time I see Russty, I should just say I want to be in a relationship. I think about it, and what difference would it make really if I had decided that we be in a relationship. The only thing that it holds is feeling obliged to having feelings for each other. Having a relationship with him will not create more opportunity to see each other, it will not change the way he already kisses me. It will not change anything, we have already had sex, so what is left. Trusting him with my feelings that could be torn apart at any minute? Does he even know me enough to have a relationship with me? Does he realize that I can have the most dramatic mood swings that come out of nowhere? Is he able to put up with it, and think anything less of me?

It is all I need, you know? Someone who knows how to put up with me. I think that is the only thing I miss about Henry. He knew what it was, and how to deal with it. It is probably one of the main things that kept me tied to him when the end was drawing near. I was scared no one would ever understand, but it turns out he did not completely understand, either.

I am nowhere close to falling asleep, so I am off to find something else to occupy my time. Now would be a perfect time to have a cigarette and read a book, but I have none, and I am going cold turkey once we leave for North Carolina. Is it possible that I come back a changed person? ...Doubtful, when everyone around me will be having one as soon as I get back. Yummy smoke lingering in my throat, I am going to miss thee.

Cher-io



"You, if you were sensible,

When I tell you the stars flash signals
each one dreadful,

You would not turn and answer me

'The night is wonderful'."