??: This message was sent to all contacts of Dirk Strider, Sr.
??: Dirk Strider, Sr. was pronounced dead last night. He was a man, and he lived a life. Although it has been said that legends never die, his passing presumably represents a loss to at least a couple of you.
??: One Dirk remains. To contact him, text +1 (713) 555-0169.
??: Reply “SAD!” to subscribe to funeral updates. Reply “WHO GAF” to unsubscribe. Business inquiries may continue to be sent to bossman@plushrump.com.

This House Has Puppets in It — crackedshades, fiddlestick

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Y'know I found them a lot less impressive when I found out they meant nine separate nails of one inch each. Thats nowhere near as cool