First round of tests are back. My mom has finally fallen to the point where she needs to have her aorta replaced. I hadn''t even realized that medical science has advanced to that point; of course it has been 16 years. She may need a valve replacement as well. More tests are needed. Will find out how immediate the need is within the next few weeks.
Fuck this shit. For those who still use LJ, don't know, but care to read--here is the short version of the current rant:
16 years ago, my mother suffered an aortic dissection. Something so serious that it has a 99.9 repeating mortality rate. At least her's did because it was that disastrous. She survived by some miracle. It was a strenuous couple of weeks while she was on life support. And several hard years as she got back on her feet. My family is not big on emotional support. We were taught, if you're not bleeding, don't cry. If you are bleeding, cry later. I was almost a teenager so I was old enough to realize I was probably going to lose my mom. Brian and Ryan had just been killed earlier in the year so it was really tough for me to try and hold it all in as I was taught to do. Katie, Grant and James was there for all the emotional support I needed. The venting, the little bits of fun and laughter to keep me alive. And when they all died in the coming years, my mom was there to help me through it the best she could.
Now she is in danger; and it feels like I just lost Katie. I am weak. I've tried to soldier on, but I cannot do anything on my own. I thought I was finally getting past my breakdowns and maybe starting to pick myself up; then this. I'm scrambling for hands but there are less and less and soon to be none it seems. Maybe its my own issues; I know there are people who listen, out on the internet, hotlines and such. But I can't convinc1e/allow myself to talk to anyone new...not quite sure how to word it.
Thank God LJ reminded me today was my birthday---I wouldn't have remembered.
x.x
So, update time I guess. ASU invalidated one of my classes so I won't graduate until August. Wish I could say I was surprised, but I expected such summary bullshit. Its a lower division class to...a prerequisite for 3 classes after it. Three classes I've already taken and past--including the dreaded vibration mechanics and analysis. And they don't think I have the knowledge needed to test out of the class? -.-`
Well, in the meantime, I've got an internship for the summer. Was originally for UAV surveillance systems, which in and of itself is damned awesome. But I'm being attached to multiple projects now to help out. 15 hour days---whoooo.
But I don't think I've ever enjoyed a job this much. And if they offer me a fulltime position afterwards; all the better.
Still no relationship, and my AEG is broken. Thats about it. God, nothing like spending your birthday alone and at work to realize just how lonely you are....6th year in a row I've been working during my birthday; well not like I really celebrated it to begin with.
Lots of people who've had an internet presence have passed away lately. Makes my wonder about what happens after. Not the afterlife after, but in real life after. My situation, I'm the last of my friends left alive; last one to turn the light out so to speak. If I was taken out somehow, there would be no notice. I would just end up being another internet user who disappeared and went inactive. I don't know why it unsettles me so much right now. Maybe its the feeling that I truly have no one left; I am alone. Or maybe its the feeling that I haven't done anything with my life. I'll finally be graduating in may and my plan was to go home and spend the evening alone drawing and such. Dont have any friends to spend time with, don't spend my time drinking, yadda yadda.
My Goals: Primary: Graduate and get a job in my field. Secondary: Reduce my resting weight by 40 lbs--losing the weight isn't the problem, its keeping it off. Tertiary: Girldfriend?
