"I love you." "How much?" "I love you more than anything or anyone." "But how much?" "I love you more than every star in the sky." "How much is that?" "A lot."
More than every person I've ever known. More than clouds skittering across our skies. More than waves in the ocean. More than the all the sand in the world. More than all the words people are speaking. More than all the books in all the libraries. More than every single bug swarming us on our little fishing boat. More than every breath we will take for the rest of our lives together. More every single day. More moremoremore. And thats why we can overcome anything and everything.
Because I love you more than anything except for how much you love me.
Its a beautiful day out, the sun is shining down on bare skin, the water is lapping at my toes, the wind is lifting my hair off my face and neck and i can just take a deep breath and feel everything is alright. I could almost be home. But the water touching my feet makes me squirm in its iciness, the wind doesnt bring any of the salt spray my skin craves, the sun doesnt burn as harsh.
I am two people sometimes. The girl with ice covered lakes and colored leaves running through her blood and the girl who could just run and leap high into the air and down into the hot salty waters of her home without ever appreciating it.
I am perfectly at home and happy and sometimes homesick all the same.
I am lacy, little white sundress whether or not the sun is shining. I am classy black-in-favor-of-red cocktail dress because I am also confidence and intelligence and laughter. I am good table manners and better bedroom manners. I am “I love you,” but more importantly I am “forever and always, passionately and uniquely.”
Its one of those moments that never end. Everything can be falling to complete shit at my feet, no money, car breaks down, job i dont want anymore, colder than anything outside; but you look over at me and my whole heart fills up and all i can think is "We can make it through anything, as long as we're together."
Suddenly the sun is shining so beautifully on the snow outside and my rosy cheeks and sore throat are just part of the magic of this life i'm making with you.
The thing is, is that i dont really have a reason for some of the things i do. I sleep at my boyfriends house every night because it makes me happy to wake up next to him. And theres nothing wrong with that. I think some things in life should just be like that, if it makes you happy and its not hurting anyone, then why would it be wrong? I never claimed to be a sensible adult, or that i was going to live my life perfectly. But thats ok, because it is my life, and i am an adult, and i will make these decisions myself. If it turns out to be wrong, then that will be how i learn. And if it doesnt turn out to be wrong, well that could be really really good.
I dont have to EARN the right to be an adult, you know. Its something i got the second i was of age, so please dont act like its a privilege someone has given me.
Sometimes we'll be watching a movie or tv or something and i'll look over to find you've been staring at me for awhile and not the tv, and all i can do is look at you for a bit and then get real close and kiss you. Just a little, just once, very softly. All the while thinking "stay with me, stay with me, stay with me."
I’m not saying i’m going to love you forever. I’m not fool enough to say that. But i will say that i’m happy when i’m with you, i miss you when i’m not, and i will love you the best i can for as long as you or i will let me.
