adfaethsfd6t4dsfg

time elapsed within it i opened my good eye again and again
now to pry that sucker open
simultaneously staring into the noon day sun with the witch in me ghosts goblins etc all burned into white light
yellow spotted neon rainbows and then clarity, welcomed
the beginning of a revolution well you know, we all want to change ourselves
and here i go, the new constitution:
my genealogy of morality preparing to scrape the sky:
sanity as a seedling creeping from the dirt-brown dirt:
taming the elephant:

my mind will save my soul then my body will rejoice,
singing praises day and night :-D
 

unravelled i come here to do his good will is this it did this just all collect like dust on the decades of running a circle to home as it fades into wandering aimless and freedom means nothing i lay in the snow til i go and i walk inside cause the thought was ridiculous why do you love me i laugh and i answer her because
youre here and i like it that way
longer hair i will stare at my shakey knees and laugh at myself in the centuries to come i just hope it can be one of those thing ha ha ha remember now back when january was fading to nothing and you choked on your tears in the bathtub over what. the extended visit of a relatively charming human being of the opposite sex? some fucker who rapes you in your dreams and you wake up hoping that something is growing and he will hold it so lovely in his bare arms at the grocery store, talking to employees like this remarkably outstanding citizen. i hate him.



---------
how many times do i have to trip acid before i grow at all. should i sit by a tree and let the devil tempt me or does the devil know where im standing relative to the fence and smile when he thinks of me. i hate life.
 

i forget when the darkness sucks me under. i forget what you said it was so beautiful outside and we smoke and looked around at the gravestones and waved at the people we could have known but who'd have cared we all move foreward and i end up indifferent
did i ever really get a kick out of the concept of harmony and agape love or am i dreaming cause somehow im so far gone it seems today. but winters gonna end im gonna clean these veins again so close to dyin that i finally can start living. alright





i want someone to shove my face in the snow until i cant fucking stand it and then ill be baptized

one way or another, this darkness has got to give

HIATUS ive been driven to the end of the line. i think? i just want to get burried under: weather, astronomy class, hobbies like piano and painting, learning about religious experiences and meditation, maybe reading the bible and praying at work, going to class, clarity
i want to put my phone in a drawer for a week. i cant seem to detach that shit from myself. it is time though
i will start right motherfucking now. disappearing from the face of the planet every time i get in a mood like this shit turns weird though. i dont feel the same or act the same. i miss the good old days when i would just explode with love for the world, now i just keep fucking my brain over and over. and planning to stop. today, april 2nd i will stop. the end

plan
sleep
alone time
thinking outside of the box
break in routine
detach from poisonous shit
(drugs, people on drugs, TV, wandering around, no direction)

time elapsed within it i opened my good eye again and again
now to pry that sucker open
simultaneously staring into the noon day sun with the witch in me ghosts goblins etc all burned into white light
yellow spotted neon rainbows and then clarity, welcomed
the beginning of a revolution well you know, we all want to change ourselves
and here i go, the new constitution:
my genealogy of morality preparing to scrape the sky:
sanity as a seedling creeping from the dirt-brown dirt:
taming the elephant:
my mind will save my soul and my body will rejoice.

name?
how do you feel right now?
how did you feel yesterday?
what is your most prominant mood?

compare yourself today with yourself one year ago:
five years ago:

how is your relationship with your parents?
friends?

how do you feel about the future, in one word:
how long would you like to live?
do you have goals?
where do you see yourself in 10 years ideally?
realistically?

whats your take on the afterlife?
do you have faith in god?
have you ever had faith in god?
would you consider yourself religious?
have you ever considered yourself religious?
predict your take on religion in 10 years:

do you do any drugs?
what drugs?
how often?
do you drink a lot of caffiene?

what do you value most in life?
list some things you love:
name one person you really care about:
what do you love about them?

what ticks you off?
what makes you upset?
do you get angry often or easily?
do you get sad often or easily?

today we invited everyone in the world to lay in the grass at forest park cause its the second day the weather has agreed with us and the last day of break. me and my love paddled a row boat like a fucking dream thennnnn he cried about real life and i just sat all dumbfounded and dumb like i always do. ive just been skimming thoughts crying sometimes floating around
i just want to be 3 years older in 1995 in california his neighbor. i dont know what to DO i think ill go pray for like 2 hours and hope it helps

today i cleaned got my check made a dress, i went with angie we all looked at xmas lights then talked for a long time about a lot of things. sarah called me and said i was her best friend but she was drunk, at 3:00 it had been exactly one year since adam called my house for the first time but i was in my room with the music up to loud. today at 3 i was driving to the bank and it was closed. i really want to be looking at my celing listening to music from 7th grade

6 0 8
with a name declare some prayer and ill drive to the tip of some mountains you will shine bright white
or my tank could always be full enough you could always be asleep on the lawn or my pillow
but its my pillow