glowingfish

 So this Wednesday, I was going to go into the valley to do some things. Basically, to see something different. There is a single minibus with like 16 seats that makes the trip three times a day. And it is usually only occupied by 5 people or so. But on Wednesday, it was full! And I couldn't make the trip that day. So instead, I went for a walk in town, which was still a good walk.

But today, I am heading out again. Lets see and hope that the bus has enough seats. Especially on my way back! I don't want to be trapped in another city! 

Also, did I mention I have a YouTube channel? Because I do! 

 I don't know what mathematicians call the moraine family groups, but I call them the moraine family groups. I think about them while I am meditating or trying to go to bed.

For example, 2,3 and 5 are part of all prime numbers -1 moraine family groups. 7 is in a -2 family group for all numbers it isn't in the -1 family group for. 

 So this is a post about two things that happened a month or two apart, a few months after I had turned 12. I am sure that someone, somewhere, has covered these events and maybe tied them together, but this also follows the fact that I was specifically 12 years old. Also, by chance, both of these things involve African-American men, but that doesn't directly bear on how it affected me...

In 1991, Clarence Thomas was nominated to be a Supreme Court Justice. Shortly afterwards, a former subordinate, Anita Hill, came forward, and revealed that she had been sexually harassed repeatedly by Clarence Thomas. He was still confirmed. 

Sexual harassment has been a periodic thing, probably the last time it came to the fore was "#metoo", which I guess at this point is almost a decade old? But this was one of the times when it came up the strongest. I was a smart 12 year old and read the newspapers, and followed the story.

A month later, in 1991, Magic Johnson announced that he had HIV. This was pretty dramatic news. It might be hard to believe now, but at the time, HIV was still mostly called "AIDS", and it was still very much a "gay disease". The idea that  someone could get HIV from heterosexual sex was pretty shocking, and it allowed things that were formerly forbidden to be discussed openly...stuff like using condoms! 

But for me, both of these things were pretty difficult, because I was 12 years old, and a pretty awkward 12 year old at that, and while just dealing with the most basic giddy preteen crushes, this started happening in the background. Just as I was trying to figure out what the rules were for flirting, and thinking about whether I would ever maybe hold hands or go to a jr high dance...the cultures rules were changing. I was trying to figure out the "normal rules" for developing, but suddenly, and dramatically, those rules were changing. 

 I will cut this for gore and animal death (no cruelty, just nature):

Of course, it was a bit unpleasant, but I know predation and scavenging are part of nature. 

 So back in the 20-zeroes, on LJ Damnportlanders, we used to have something called FNNLC, the Friday Night No Life Club, where we would all just post about whatever was going on. It was the height of frittering away time on the internet.

But I miss it.

...are there any communities on here that might be in need of such a thing?

 I might have posted about this before? 

Or put it in a comment?

But I might as well write it again, since it has been on my mind.

I am 47. I often don't feel too old--its weird, sometimes I have relationships and activities that are a continuation of things that went on while I was a teenager. Sometimes I will think to myself about sharing in-jokes with my friends...who I might not have seen for 30 years.

But the one thing that really made me feel old is that there was a generation of pop culture that happened after I was an adult, but that is probably old to young people today. There are a lot of examples of this (Lady Gaga's first album came out 18 years ago!), but one of the biggest for me is the fandom culture of about 2010-2015. In 2012, when I was 33 and starting a job as a college professor, I started reading Homestuck. And got really into it. At the time, that was a fandom that was mostly older teens. I know that might be taken as weird, but I was just curious about a lot of these things that were popular on tumblr---Homestuck, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, Welcome to Nightvale, Doctor Who, etc. (okay, obviously, the Doctor Who fandom existed long before tumblr!). I liked the attitude of the late Millenials, which was a lot more light and optimistic than the cynical Generation X that I had grown up with. Light, but also serious, in that I felt that younger people were more aware of the world in many ways. So as someone born in 1979, I kind of shifted my allegiance to Millenial culture, such as it was! 

But I am kind of lost about what the popular culture even is today, and for a lot of young people---including people up to graduate school age, the internet and its vibes from 2010-2015 would now be before their time. So that is the one time I feel old, realizing that there are two steps after the pop culture I grew up with. 

 I walked 16 miles today. More or less. Which is 26 kilometers.

I also turned 47 yesterday. Every year, on or around my birthday, I go out on some sort of trip. Some years it has been an overnight trip to another state, other times, it is more modest. This one was just a day trip, but it was ambitious. 

I walked from Grand Ronde to Rose Lodge, over the Oregon Coast range. Meaning I went from the Willamette Valley to the Coast, or I went from places where the waters drain through the Willamette to places where they drain directly to the ocean. The pass is not that high, only 760 feet (220 meters, probably?), and in all, I went up about 550 feet and down about 700 feet (150 meters/200 meters). I was walking along the highway, so it wasn't that scenic, but it was also safe. And surprisingly easy, once I got into the rhythm of things. Since it was a linear trip, I just got my momentum going and kept going. Also, I should correct "not that scenic", I mean, this is the Oregon Coast range in May, so in general, yes, it was very scenic, but the views from the road weren't specifically so. 

So why did I do this? Well, I have a long term goal of walking everywhere between Portland and the coast. I am actually pretty close to that. I have done that before in Oregon, between Portland and Eugene (took me well over 30 years), and so I decided to do the same thing on the coast. One of the reasons I do this is that, instead of seeing places as different, discrete regions, I see them on a continuum. 

And also, I just like the floaty feeling after I have done something big. But my feet are going to hurt tomorrow. 

 For the past three weeks, I was dog sitting for my step-mother while she was on a trip. Did I mention that? I might also not have mentioned that I live in a ADU (carriage house) behind her house. I guess this is some context I should mention!

Anyway, so this morning she came back, and I returned to my apartment.

I like dogs, but taking care of dogs can be a lot of work---especially one of the dogs was some type of shepherd mix, and insisted on following a foot away when I got up to get a cup of water. And little things like "Did I leave a door open? Did I leave a window open? Will they jump out a window to follow me if I leave the house?" caused me a lot of worry. 

So now I am back in my apartment, and responsible for no one but me. 

 I am so tired. Exhausted. See last entry for the reason why.

Or one of them. Things seem like quite a grind. There always seems to be one more task to do, and one more thing to go wrong. Things seem to get broken and get lost, and stuff keeps on popping up. I am hoping for this phase of exhaustion to go away, eventually, but it looks like there might be some things I need to do first. 

Also, for context, I usually have a lot of physical energy. In fact, I usually need to walk a few miles every few days or I get antsy. But right now, I just feel exhausted. I don't know if it is physical. Maybe physical activity would make me feel less exhausted. After dog sitting ends in a week or so, maybe I will be able to go out and exercise without hindrance, and then I will feel better. 

 This is something I've been thinking about writing for a while, and the main thing is, I don't know where to start, exactly...

So, when I came back from Chile in 2019, after three years of teaching English in Chile, I thought I would get some type of higher education job. I certainly had the work experience and education! So I was looking around for that, and then the pandemic happened. Luckily, working online was an option, so since 2020, I have been teaching English online. Especially during the depth of the pandemic, this seemed like a good deal. And then once things "returned to normal", I just kept doing it. 

Also, things about me: I don't have a car. I don't have any health conditions. So my expenses are generally rent+groceries, plus whatever spare change I need for other things. I don't order food (in fact, I never have done this, which I know is a rarity!), and I don't have any streaming services. I watch YouTube and go to the library. 

And since moving here in December, I don't have any rent. Which also means that I can literally work a few hours a week and it pays for my groceries.

So I am pretty happy at that. 

But what has happened is that once I have detached myself for the immediate need for things, other things seem less important.

For example, people who have jobs usually need cars. And they need to keep their job to have a car. And then, during all that mandatory time spent in traffic, they start listening to podcasts (I never listen to podcasts), and then when they get home from work, they are so tired the need to order food and stream something to relax is very important. And because they usually are working sedentary jobs with packed schedules, they need to specifically pay for gym membership. And because the stress and sedentary lifestyle aren't healthy, they need constant physical and mental health care. 

I am not saying there is anything bad about these things, just saying that at a daily level, none of those are things I usually think of myself as needing, and a lot of the talk that I see on social media about ordering ubereats and then binge-watching Netflix...just doesn't match my life.

Well, that is part of what I had to say...