We are Creatures of the Wind

To say that I have not been here in a while would be an understatement, and apparently I have forgotten how to type well also.  I've had to go back and correct at least four words, more than once on one of them. I am feeling nostalgic and frustrated though, and I hate the idea of setting up divisions on my facebook page so I can post without certain people seeing and commenting and creating more background drama.

So, my sister is a narcissist.  She has been a liar and a manipulator all of my live, and I've heard stories of her lying and playing the victim to get other people (siblings) in trouble even when she was 2 yrs old.  She loves to be the victim.  She loves to rally people around herself as she is the victim and then convinces them that they are victims too and they should all ban together against someone else, usually my mother.  She loves to say my mother is negative, but never has examples.  She loves to say she is being insulted, but when I read the messages or hear them spoken myself, in person, I find no insult.  I find the normal things that parents say to their kids; stay in school, don't do drugs, stop dating junkie losers who abuse you.   Okay, maybe not normal, but not out of line by any stretch.  She sees these things as personal attacks apparently.

I think about death way too often.

I am a chickenshit.  I fully admit to that.  I figure something big has to happen for me to really change my life in the ways that I dream of doing so, mostly because the things I want to do with it are not free.  So I would kinda have to win the lottery.  

And then I would move to Sweden.  I've been learning Swedish.  Just in case, lol.  I would want a summer home in the southern hemisphere too though, since I hate winter.  How about that- summer to summer?  Seems pretty nice to me.  I would like to travel the world; as a historian, as a writer, and someone with curiosity I would love to visit so many places, but as a woman and as a poor person, those things are not practical.  Even if I had money there would be trouble in visiting some countries because of the treatment of women and victimization of female tourists.

Charities?  I have a dream about creating a non-profit animal rescue on a hobby farm, so farm animals could also be part of the rescue.  I have another about veteran housing for the homeless vets in the United States.  I would love to do one of them. I have nothing to start with though, and either one would require land at a minimum.

I keep thinking that I miss my old online journals and that maybe I should start a new one, anonymously as that seems to be a nice idea lately.  And then I decided to look at my bookmarks in my journal folder and found this again.

So first to update the things I have been doing; graduated from law school in 2011, did an internship with ACLU Regional MN Racial Justice Project for two years until the office was closed, then worked as an advocate for sexual assault victims for about six months.  I thought that the job was important, but it was not something that I excelled in and I thought that victims would be better served by someone who was more of a counselor than I could be; seriously, after ten rape exams I didn't want to do another.  Then I went back to CLV for a bit, head-cooked at Finnish for two summers and baked for Swedish.  Worked temp jobs at RGIS, and got on as a sub for the local library.  Got hired wth the Sheriff's Office in Records almost nine months ago and have that as my main focus right now.  Still licensed as an attorney (passed the MN Bar in 2013 after deciding that I might as well try for it after all.)

This summer, we lost a dog to cancer, I got Lyme disease (which was the end of CLV for me since I was seriously ill and they seemed to think I was faking), got a new puppy in September, and still have my nine year old kitty.  She was sick this last week, the joy of vet bills is shaping the rest of my month.