I have anxiety. Lots of it. Not for any reason that I can determine, which just makes it extra fun.
My beloved friend Lastwordy has been reminding me that writing will help with said anxiety, and that I should attempt to write every day, even if it's just a little bit.
My sister K. added that if I come up against a wall while writing my fanfic, I should at least keep a journal.
So here I am, because I have missed LJ terribly. Also, if I'm going to write, it certainly isn't going to be by hand, saved in my computer or a memory stick or something like that. That's a surefire way for me to lose something important, whether it be a thought or a dream or a story.
Other than that, things are pretty status quo. The suck news is as follows ...
* My long term temp job that had the potential to go perm is ending in two days. * My fibro is starting to flare. * My dog has hot spots that won't go away and is tearing himself to bits.
The good news, on the other hand ...
* I am slowly healing my relationships with my sister J. and my niece S. * I've sent out my first set of feelers to see if the yule surprise '06 folks want to give it another go this year because gifts, both giving and receiving, make everything better.
That's all I can think of to say, and I need to go do something to take my mind off the panic that's setting in.
It was a really quiet week, after a really fucked up weekend. I had a reaction to a mild muscle relaxant called Baclofen, which resulted in me not knowing my name or who the president is. So I spent the night in the hospital. It hasn't happened since, thank the Gods.
That is all I am prepared to say about my hospital visit. Maybe I will go into more details later ... maybe not. Have not decided yet.
I am torn between posting an update to briefly cover the last two years, or getting the thoughts out that inspired me to get back onto LJ in the first place. Ah, well, the inspiration will be there when I'm ready to write it out. So here's the update.
We moved from the Bridgeport basement condo - we loved it, but it was just too expensive. Now we're in Stratford, living on the first floor apartment of a 2-family converted Vic, with Rachel and another housemate named Michelle.
When we moved into the Stratford house, the yard was so neglected that the house looked abandoned. It was awful. So, since I was fired up about having gardening space anyway, I tore up all the weeds (including the vines that were growing underneath the vinyl siding and serving as ant highways). Then I dug out a space in front of the house for a garden and have been filling it with plants every spring since.
So that's it for my plant updates. I am planning a container garden for veggies this year, if it EVER warms up out there. My back yard just doesn't have enough sun to plant veggies in the ground.
OH! I almost forgot. After two years of unemployment, I just got a long-term temp job that might - just might - go perm. Yay me!!
Okay, more updates later ... if I can think of anything else to update. :)
Bad, bad me. I gave up on my blog, which was my go-to for de-stressing. Well, no more. I am back.
I am writing this on my nook, which is more difficult than it sounds, but I am determined to get back into LJ, so I will probably post this way more often than not. Better find my stylus!
I know, I know. I'm weird about plants. And fish. And everything else we, as arrogant fucking humans, claim to take responsibility for and then throw in the garbage when they aren't pretty or convenient anymore.
Sorry I haven't written anything in a million years. I read and keep caught up on all my friends' lives, but between searching for a job and being in the process of moving (AGAIN DAMMIT), I simply haven't had the time or the energy to post anything. I will try to remedy that if possible, I promise, but probably not until after the move is complete.
On the lighter side, two of my local PBS stations have been playing Life on Mars UK - out of order, at strange times of the late night/early morning, and never the same time or day of the week. Sometimes they play one every other Tuesday, then one every Monday ... they change it around constantly, and it's very confusing. Thank the Gods for DVR. Anyway, because of a promise I made to a certain Awesome Beta of Awesomeness who keeps threatening to cry tears of blood, I have *just* started working on a Sherlock UK/Life on Mars UK crossover. It will have to be AU because of the way Ashes to Ashes ended, but that's okay by me - I never saw even one episode of A2A, so I don't care. The story is still in my head, but it will start getting typed out very soon.
Anyway, this will definitely a casefic story - no worries about Gene Hunt and Lestrade ending up in bed together, since that's not my bag. So far, my idea is that it will be set in modern day, where a retired Gene Hunt is contacted by DCI Lestrade regarding one of Gene's cold cases that might just be rearing its ugly head again. I will probably make it a serial killer, because I do dig serial killers, but I haven't quite decided on that detail yet. Regardless, it's going to be cool like a Cortina, mostly because I promised said Awesome Beta of Awesomeness that I would make sure it would be. :)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. Day Two: Nine things about yourself. Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart. Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot. Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done. Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever) Day Seven: Four turn-offs. Day Eight: Three turn-ons. Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why. Day Ten: One confession.
1. I was diagnosed approximately 9 years ago with fibromyalgia. I am very, very touchy about people not believing fibro exists, or thinking I am exaggerating my symptoms as some bizarre play for sympathy. (Seriously, who pretends to have a condition for 9 years? That would be psychotic.)
2. I discovered Wicca when I was 15, and have been a practicing Pagan ever since. I've gone from Wicca to Santeria and Universalist Asatru, with a bunch of stops in between. Yes, I believe I can do magic. No, I cannot turn people into frogs (more's the pity). Yes, I believe in reincarnation. No, I don't think I was Morgan Le Fay, Cassandra of Troy or Joan of Arc in any of my past lives.
3. I think of myself as a writer, even though I mostly only write poetry and fan fiction. I've never tried to get published, because I don't want to find out how mediocre I really am.
4. I spin my own yarn, but have never made anything out of my homespun. I just like spinning.
5. I taught myself to read at the age of 2, and I can read very fast - fast like a freak, according to my husband. It's frustrating, not to mention expensive, because books only last a day or two at most. This is why I got a Nook for Yule - the books are cheaper and don't take up physical space in the apartment. Everybody wins!
6. I do handicrafts. Lots of them. Almost all of them, in fact. Fiber, paper, wood, jewelry - you name it, I've at least attempted it. I love making things, painting things, decorating things. It's one of my great passions in life.
7. I am friends with almost all of my ex-boyfriends. In fact, I am friends with my ex-fiancee as well. One of my ex-boyfriends was the best man at my wedding, and a handful of others were guests.
8. My mother passed away in November 2010 of stage 4 lung cancer. It was very sudden because she didn't know she had it. This is why, as soon as I get sick, I go to the damn doctor. I don't screw around with stuff like that.
9. I am a smoker. Because of #8 above, I will be quitting sometime soon - I just don't know when yet.
I haven't posted anything in *so* long, so when I saw this, I figured it'd be a good way to get back on LJ.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. Day Two: Nine things about yourself. Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart. Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot. Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done. Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever) Day Seven: Four turn-offs. Day Eight: Three turn-ons. Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why. Day Ten: One confession.
1. I tried so hard to talk to you, but you just kept shutting me out, shutting me down. Now you're gone and it hurts. Every. Single. Day. It sucks that I have to hear that you loved me from other people, because you couldn't be bothered to say it to me yourself. And oh! Here comes the guilt from being angry at someone who's dead. I'm heading to therapy, and once again, I have you to thank for it.
2. If you were here you'd hug me, tell me it's all going to be okay, and then make me laugh. I try to do that for myself in your memory, but I'm not as good at it.
3. If I'd done what you accused me of doing, I'd have apologized by now. No matter what you want to think, I didn't do it. If you knew me as well as you thought you did, you'd have figured that out by now. And now our relationship is ruined, and it's all on you. Cheers.
4. We didn't talk every day, but just knowing you were close helped. I miss you all the damn time, but I'm very, very glad your life has become what you wanted it to be. I'm happy that you're happy, but I do miss your company.
5. Do you think we'll ever get back to where we used to be? Sometimes I do, but most of the time, I really don't. And I wonder how long we can go on like this - it feels like an ending that just keeps dragging on. But then I think about letting you go and it makes me lightheaded and sick to my stomach. I don't know if I can live without you, but I'm not sure I'm really with you. Not right now, anyway.
6. I see you at funerals and family things, and it's like you never left. But then you don't answer my e-mails or calls, and I wonder if I did something wrong. It's hard for me to remember that it's just your nature to not respond. I miss you.
7. Have you noticed that we get along much better when you're out of the state and we can only talk on the phone or the computer?
8. I want to like you, but I am having a hard time when you're causing me so much grief. Please back off.
9. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're one of the only people I can be completely honest with.
10. I wish things were different; I wish I could see more of you. I feel the time ticking away. I know you don't have a lot of time left, but I also feel that you could make a little effort too.
Those of you who are in the SCA, can you give me a decent gift idea for someone does illumination (but not necessarily calligraphy)? Help me, please. I am a little lost on this one.
hopeful
contemplative