girlsuit, posts by tag: 2007 series - LiveJournal

Okay so just surfing the telly for a bit before I go to bed and bamf! I see this little tasty treat playing for me. Oh how I've missed you Dexter. I cannot wait!

Anyways nothing much has been up with me. Aside from getting a rather lovely case of hand, foot and mouth disease. Fun times. Oh yeah. Last week one of our kids at daycare had a fever and was sent home then came back a day later drooling all over me and clinging to me for dear life. God, this sucks. Why is it that I get the highly contagious things? I feel sick and I can't swallow properly. Someone come over and make me feel better? I can't eat ( though that is really a blessing in disguise.. ) Ah well. Such is my life of suckyness. Here's to another fantastic weekend and following a much needed day of rest and trying to get better. seven to ten days with this in my mouth. i'm gonna hurt someone soon.. damn kids.

You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again

Seems fitting, no? Just a little blank at the moment. Start of wondering why it is that I'm ending up alone and still wanting someone who isn't worth wanting. Still craving a touch that will only end in sadness. We can't ever be. A childish wish that I craddled to in the darkest of nights. Curling around it and latching on like it's life would leave if I let go. Fingers hurt from the force and my body is tired from holding on so tight. I've grown rather limp and finally managed to do the unthinkable. I let it go. Watch it take flight and leave like a balloon lost in the frantic winds. Should I feel relieved? Born anew? I think so. Right now I'm unsure. Trying to pick if I made the right choice. To give up someone that I've held onto for a better part of four years or will my doing so manage to set some type of clock in motion and they figure out that it is indeed me that they want. Me and me alone. I've never allowed myself to feel for him since we parted. Telling myself that his ghostly kisses and idle touches were only a figment of my imagination. But I remember them. The feel of his body pressed to mine when we watched movies. The way that his breath sunk in as I well.. I won't go into detail. I'm a fool for holding on for so long to a memory that he's long forgotten. I am a dreamer after all. Better to dream then to go out in the real world. Better to be locked up with your books and writings then to make actual friends outside the world wide web. Stupid of me. I've neglected myself for so long that I have fogotten what it is to live. Perhaps I should be doing that.

Here's to it. I hope. After all, what else is there left if not hope?