Local Loser

This is my impression of Donald Trump if he found out that Wattpad users were reading ao3 fics without paying attention to the warnings and tags: THEY'RE EATING THE DOVES

lets all be friends..!!!!!

THE GIRL, THE GOAT, THE LEGEND

YES YOU ARE

Drinking soda is better than drinking nothing all day. Eating ice cream for dinner is better than eating nothing for dinner. Eating salsa is better than having no produce in your diet at all.

Water is way more hydrating than soda, but soda is more hydrating than nothing. A balanced meal is way more nutritious than ice cream, but ice cream is more nutritious than nothing.

Something is better than nothing. Some hydration is better than no hydration. Some nutrients are better than no nutrients. Some produce is better than no produce.

Don't let societally imposed food guilt trick you into believing that nothing is a better choice. Nourishing your body, however you can, is always the better choice. Fed is best. Always.

food has no moral value. being fed does.

Sometimes eating is hard, and it gets to the point that it becomes ‘hey, as long as you’re eating something and keeping it down.’

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

Realest shit ever. It’s so weird to explain that while I’m not suicidal, my brain still has the same (or at least very similar) chemical imbalances as it did when I was actively suicidal. Like, yes years of therapy and medication have helped tremendously! But my brain still has the sad time™️ issues and I still feel that way at times. BUT LIKE DONT WORRY I WONT ACT ON IT. I just still feel it.

*random Tuesday evening*

I’m actually useless and everyone hates me and I should just- wait. No I love myself! Not true!

picklesbaseball

The announcers from the booth talking like

‘And here comes Dale, gearing up for what will be a violent altercation for sure, what will Simon do in this-‘

*heavy pause as the announcer looks at their coworker*

‘ARE THEY- ahem sorry. It seems like this altercation is being solved through…. alternative means…let’s- uh let’s have a twenty minute lunch break?’

they injected me with mental illness when i was a baby because they didn't like that i radiated moonlight and had stars inside my eyes. they were jealous of me.

They knew I’d be too powerful otherwise

So the thing is boobs really do be jiggling. If having breasts has taught me anything it is that the ladies frolic. I don't even have that large of boobs but every time I go down some stairs all I can think about is that stupid quote about boobing breastily down the stairs or whatever it is because God Damn.

But anime and video game boob jiggling is like. The most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen nine times out of ten. You would think people this horny about tits would have actually looked at some but I guess not.

What we really need is some pervert to compile the ultimate visual guide to boob bouncing physics that's just like 500 hours of meticulously organized videos of breasts of different size and shape and under different fabrics bouncing around from a wide variety of physical movements so horny game devs can finally get it right and I don't have to be creeped out by women who appear to have surgically implanted softballs in their chest under skin made of rubber bands.

yeah i drive the truck that isekais all those lonely 20yo NEETs and bored salarymen. it’s a really hard job. they keep sending me to workplace counselling after each hit. “it’s normal to feel guilt at ending someone’s life,” they say. how do i tell them that’s not what makes me feel guilty? “but it’s okay. he’ll live a better life in another world.” yeah, with 100 girls who could have lived normal lives but got drafted into being in these boring dudes’ harems. how many women’s lives have i ruined. and they don’t even know. they don’t even know

Sounds like you need "His Soul is Marching On to Another World; or, the John Brown Isekai" by CabbagePreacher, an actual fic on AO3 about famed abolitionist martyr John Brown getting isekaied to such a world and going on a rampage abolishing harems.

140 CHAPTERS?

Life is so beautiful sometimes

new OC for a one shot! beautiful pirate lady i love you and your unsettling fish eyes.

they hate me because the years of memory loss has purified my mind

I’M SCREAMING

So incredibly canon

funny idea i just got for an Eridian character. meet Hardtack

like a sick victorian child

your mom jokes don't work when you know someone too well. I would never be in bed with such a wicked woman. That's not even what I had your mom saying last night. I wouldn't speak to her.