You think you know but you have no idea,

big fluffy pink dog.

I have a new boy.
He's adorable.
He makes me happy.
He's 6'4 (yeah, it's pretty great, not gonna lie).
His name is Mark.
He goes to Bennett (What is it with me and Bennett boys?)
He has green eyes.
He has dirty blonde/light brown hair.
awww :)
and he's so sweet

Mark:: "I wuv you snuffawuffagus."
aww isn't that just adorable?
*big dorky grin*

I dont even know if people still read this but whatever!

Dear Human Race;

Why do you turn on eachother? I've heard so many cases in the recent past of people getting in fights and starting terrible trouble with each other, saiyng things about their friends and just in general "gossiping". And it's been this way as long as I can remember being friends with people. I can remember in second grade people saying mean things about one person, and then turning around and pretending to be their bestfriend to their face? Why, why, why, do we do this. I say we; because I'm not a hypocrite, I know I'm included in this. But it's a terrible act we play on eachother. Like it's life, everyone isn't going to like everyone it's just how it is,.. but there' s not need to make a big thing about it. Saying negative things about one person doesn't give you anymore power and make you look prettier, it makes you look uglier. I'm sorry, if you come up to me and start listing off twenty people and saying "I'm prettier than ..." I'm not going to think you look any better, I'm going to think God you might have looks, but your soul is ugly as Hell. And no I'm not saying looks don't matter, because honestly yeah they do I'm not going to date someone I'm not physically attracted to (and yes I'm aware that's a bit shallow but how many of you feel the same), I'm just saying I don't care how good looking you are, if you're a jerk or a bitch to people I'm not going to like you. And just because you are pretty, smart, or witty doesn't give you the right to be a jerk. I just, I don't get what makes some people so mean. I wish I could understand it.

Okay, take middle school for example, I remember being picked on so much, to the point where I was CRYING in front of these people, and it took them making me CRY for them to realize, oh maybe we should stop. And that would stop them being mean for all of.. half an hour, and they'd be making fun of me again, and I don't know maybe some people are more suspetable to being made fun of, and I guess I'm just one of those people, but I don't get why people do it. I'm aware that some people will only make fun of those they really care about, but that's not even the case for some people. Some people are just jerks. Like they're terribly mean, and for no reason. I can seriously just remember SITTING there in middle school and I would get made fun of, for NO reason, except for mearly existing.

I don't know. It frustrates me. And I wish it weren't this way, because yeah I like attention, who doesn't?, but not when the attention is always so negative. You know what, believe it or not, I had no problem what so ever with being pale until 6th grade. You know why, because that's when people started making fun of me for it, they'd call me Casper and other equally offensive names, all the time. And they made me feel like a freak because I was pale. And I don't know WHY it was me they did it too because other people were JUST as pale as me, but they did it to me. And so yes, Thank you seriously, thank you everyone in middle school, because I'm not even going to lie, you guys are 75percent of the reason I'm so insecure and have next to no self confidence.

I'm sorry, this wasn't intended to go in that dirrection, I just wanted to say I wish people would stop saying shit about other people. Like seriously, I wish we could pick ONE day where all we could say were POSITIVE things about other people and we couldn't gossip AT ALL, I know it's idealistic and naive, but I seriously think people would be amazed at how much they'd like that, as opposed to what we have now.

Goodnight cruel world, I'll see you tomorrow.

What made you think that he couldn't find the door in the morning?
When he found that bed so easily in the dark?
He said it was a one night stand, but the alcohol didn't let her understand.
Yeah he said it was a one night stand, a one night stand.

I'm sorry:

That I don't dress in tiny skirts and tight shirts.

I'm sorry:

I don't sleep with any or every guy that crosses my path.

I'm sorry:

That I try to act intelligently, and not like the biggest ditz ever.

I'm sorry:

That I was there for you until all hours of the morning when you wanted me to be.

I'm sorry:

That I listened to you when you were upset.

I'm sorry:

That I believed in you, when you couldn't believe in yourself.

I'm sorry:

That I would spend hours thinking up cute things to do for you, or coloring you pictures like a dork, even write you thirty page stories... just to have you leave them, never read them, and not care.

I'm sorry:

That I'm not a bitch.

I'm sorry:

That I actually care about you, and don't want to see you get hurt or left behind by another girl.

I'm sorry:

That I gave you everything I had and you threw it on the floor.

I'm sorry:

That I actually loved you, and didn't just want to be with you because you were the "hottie" who everyone wanted to get with.

I'm sorry:

For it all...

But most of all...

I'm sorry, that I can't see the world of better posibilities sitting infront of me. I'm sorry that I don't want them. I'm sorry that you still feel like the best. I'm sorry to you other guys, who say you want the girl with brains and the girl who isn't a whore, the girl who doesn't party, and the girl who isn't conceited and lost in their own world. I'm sorry, I'm what everyone says they want, but that you don't want me. I'm sorry everyone says "You're so cute" and "Any guy would be lucky to have you". Oh hush. You can't mean that. If you did, I believe my life would be a little bit different. I mean my best friends, yeah any guy would be lucky to have them. I mean Cindy is gorgeous, and one of the sweetest people in the world. And she has an awesomely sweet boyfriend. And then Brit, yeah she's a pretty huge hottie, even if she doesn't want to admit it except for in jest, and she's a freakin genuis. I pale in comparrison. But I'm sorry I'm the girl everyone "would be lucky to have", and the one guys say they want... but ends up just getting left in the dust when any other girls walks in the room.
I guess I'm just the friend.

I'm sorry.

This season always does this to me.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday and ate a lot of Turkey and properly gained twohundred and seventy eight pounds. I know I did. :) Anyway, I just want to briefly (well as brief as I can-- I'm a bit long winded) say just a few of the things that I am thankful for. I am entirely thankful for my life. It's really a very great life, I have a warm house and bed to sleep in. I have a great family who cares for me and watches out for me and the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for. They love and care about me and don't want to see me get hurt. They're big sweethearts, and would stand up for me no matter what.

Anyway, I just finished watching The Polar Express. And it's been two years since I'd seen it, so I'd kind of forgotten how the story went and the songs and stuff, and it's reminded me that I wanted to make this blog.So anyway, I was talking to Billy earlier and I was like, I love this time of year! And he was like "Why?" and I kind of laughed and said "Oh do you have that much time?". But then I explained. I just love it. I love the holidays. I love the feeling of magic in the air. That anything can happen. This is the season of miracles. I know it is. And I feel so niave saying this, but I really do, I feel like it's all possible. That somehow there is something great out there just waiting for us if we go through this season with good spirits. I don't know. I just feel like this season is full of magic if we let it be. Seriously, this is the one time of year where we're so close to world peace. Every nation is celebrating something. Almost everyone has a holiday going on this time of year. Even those who have no religious holiday have New Years, and are affected by the bright spirits of those with a holiday. I just love it. Everything seems so much more beautiful and peaceful at this time of year. I mean just think of it, the lights the beautiful Christmas displays, when you're looking at them you're thinking of good things and happy feelings and all the wonders that could be, not a four page paper due in six hours or the fact that you can't find the address of your 2nd uncle twice removed. The world just becomes a better place. People give to those who are in need, and help out where they can. It's a time to appreciate your friends and family, and tell them so. It's when you see people who you haven't seen for months or even just a few weeks. It's not about getting gifts or spending twenty hours looking for exactly what someone wants. It's about giving from the heart. Seriously, I went and did all my Christmas shopping last Saturday, and I came home and mom was like do you think they'll like it? And I was like you know what, I hope so, but I'm giving it to them because it's what I want to give them, not because it's necessarely something they want or need. And I've kind of always been that way. I'd rather think up something creative to do for someone than go and simply read off a list what they want. I love seeing the look on peoples' faces when they open gifts. It's just great. And I was thinking last week on the way home from work or perhaps it was school, I truly don't remember how I wish I seriously could get enough money to give all children atleast one gift for Christmas. Because I want everyone to have the oppertunity to love the season as much as I do. I just love it. I really feel like miracles can happen. I do, I do! And while it's dorky I know, it's just look at all the good people can do when they care and when they're in good spirits, so is it really that far off that little 'miracles' could happen along the way? Ah! I wish I could explain to everyone how much magic I feel in the season, but I know I can't. I think you have to just believe in the good the human heart can do. I hope that everyone has a magnificant holiday season, whether it's Christmas or any other holiday you're celebrating. Open your heart, see the magic, feel the magic, appreciate every wonderful gift that has been given to you. Smile, spread good cheer, and remember that someone somewhere is thinking of you. I love you all.

I hope you have a miraculous holiday season, and that you meet goodcheer everywhere you go, and blessed be the very ground you walk on.



----------


Children sleeping
snow is softly falling.
Dreams are calling
like bells in the distance.

We were dreamers not so long ago.
But one by one we all had to grow up.

When it seems the magic slipped away,
we find it all again on Christmas day...

Believe in what your heart is saying,
hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste,
there's so much to celebrate.

Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need,
If you just believe,

Trains move quickly to their journey's end.
Destinations are where we begin again.
Ships go sailing far across the sea.
Trusting starlight, to get where they need to be.

When it seems that we have lost our way,
we find ourselves again on Christmas day...

Believe in what your heart is saying,
hear the melody that's playing.
There's no time to waste,
there's so much to celebrate.

Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need,
If you just believe.

If you just believe.
If you just believe.
If you just believe.
Just believe.
Just believe

A bunch of randomness


First of all, thanksgiving is next Thursday! :) woot. I'm stoked, I love that day. I still don't know where we're going yet, but my sister will be home, and so will all my friends, I'm definately thinking we have a massive get together. Kay??

:)

Christmas is also very soon. It's so strange to think about that. It seems like just a moment ago it was Christmas. The year flew by, I'm not going to lie. I mean seriously the past year it just buzzed by with out me even noticing it was doing that. Seriously. It's just WOOSH. Flew by. But it's okay. I love this time of year. With all the holidays. People are in such more happy moods. The weather is always pretty, and it smells so wonderful outside. The clothes are better too. Ah. :) I love it.

So who wants to get me a boy for Christmas? Something in tall and Dark?, A name that goes well with Emily? :) And you know tall for me is only about 5'10. So chyeah. Do that. But yeah. Wrap him in a ribbon and place him beneth my tree. Man i'd LOVE you.

Um.. lets see. Report Cards came out today.. I wonder if I can go get mine? maybe? Maybe I'll go over there at 3 and see. I don't know.

I hope I got my A in english.

Right now I have an A in Soc. and Bio and I'm pretty sure world Civ too.

I'll hear from Elizabethtown in with the week.

*hopefully*

K well I suppose I'll go.
This was quite pointless.

School

Pretty gay, but that's okay. I'm doing well. I had an A in English at mid-term, and she told me that the poem I handed in last week was publishable. That made me feel kind of good. Um, I've got the third highest grade out of Wednesday lab for Bio (25 people). It's an A too. I think I have an A in world Civ as well. Infact until last weeks midterm I had 100 percent. but the midterm was easy it was everything that had been on our quizes so I think my grade's safe. Um... Sociology. I think I'm doing fine. I got 101 percent on my ano-bib and an 89 on the first exam in there, and i've been to every class and that's 25 percent of our grade.

Friends

Pretty good. I get to see Brit a lot, because she's home like every other weekend, and I see Cindy at wor-wic. And between work and wor-wic I see Amy a lot too. And I get to hang out with them, so that's good. I love them.

Boys

Nothing. I'm not really interested in anyone, and noone is interested in me. I was talking to someone for a while after Nick and I broke up, but they ... just up and decided that they wanted to talk to some pretty, blonde girl who looks like a freaking super model. Eh, I should have seen that coming.

Work

Eh, well work is gay. I hate going to work, but it pays for stuff. The people there aren't that bad, but the costumers can be a really big pain in the ass. Oh well, I guess that's to be expected.

Life in General

My friend Pam might be transferring to SU for Spring smester. Mom and dad are trying to plan a trip for my sister and my's graduation this spring. Her from college, me ofcourse from high school. I've finished all my apps, I just have to wati for the end of the marking term for transcripts. I'm content lately, I think I'm getting more used to being alone again. I guess that's a good thing. Korey and I had a conversation the other night that depressed me, because he basically didn't tell me "oh you'll find osmeone" like everyone else has, he said maybe you won't, maybe you just want it too much. *shrugs* I don't kinow. I'm becoming comfortably numb to it all. Anyway, there's an update to any and all of you who still read this.



Much Love<3

Pamela’s Tree

We called it the “it tree”.
Strong and sturdy,
Towering in height so tall,
That the branches could reach the heavens,
It was the place where many memories were made.

The trunk was sienna,
And offered a seat, or a stepping stool,
To those whose feet were small enough to make use of it.
Sage by spring and amber by autumn,
The leaves on this tree offered a chance for wishes to come true
If you could catch one before it hit the ground.

It was the diamond of trees;
Glistening with imagination and memories,
It was the king cobra of trees;
No other tree could even begin to compare.

Or at least,
That was how I remembered it.

I drove by that tree today,
And there it stood,
In the dismal and dreary October weather.
I had to look for a moment,
To find that tree,
It seems that with time it has faded.

The leaves were neither sage nor amber,
The trunk no longer the brilliant sienna of years before,
It was only tall enough to reach Purgatory,
Falling much shorter than the Heaven I remembered.

After a few long moments of looking at the tree,
I spotted a few leaves spotting the brilliant colors of autumn,
The way I remembered them all doing years before.
A smile consumed the pessimistic smirk that had been on my face.

This tree in all it’s splendor,
Was reflecting the friendship that had come and gone
Years have passed since we sat around the tree,
Smiling and laughing, joking about the future

Miles separate us now,
But just as those few leaves wearing their autumn costumes,
Our friendship has persevered,
Everything that nature has thrown at it.

Tall, mighty, and mesmerizing
Glowing with color to the careful eye,
Full of spirit, youth and innocence,
Is the tree that will never die; Pamela’s tree.


eh, its not that good, but hopefully i'll get a good grade.

I dont mean to sound vain
but i really like this picture


:-P
And it's just a tshirt
not even like a cute t-shirt
that says something witty
and jeans.
And I dont know.
I just like that picture.
I wish I always looked like that

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
Nope.

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
Just under 5 months.

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
No one really gives me gifts.

4. Ever dropped a cell phone?
A million times plus twelve

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
I lifted bottled water today at work, that's working out.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
This sausage biscuit thing

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE (OR SAME) SEX?
I hate that everyone puts "eyes" "smile" I really dont think you notice that, i think you notice the general look THEN that.

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
Never is a Promise

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Salisbury, Maryland

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Wicomico High School

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
Verizon

13. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND:
comfortable

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
 um.. almost five months at foodlion

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
in games, like monopoly and stuff

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
Nope.

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED?
My cousin Kristen's in May. I want a wedding.

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
I'd conference call all the ones that I like.

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
I saw Cindy last Thursday and Brittany last weekend.

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
Arby's or Subway if I have to.

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD?
"I love you" "You can trust me"

24. CAN YOU COOK?
haha, no sir.

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
Ford Focus if they ever give it back >O

26. BEST KISSER?
Considering Nick is the only person I've ever kissed, guess he wins by default.

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
I don't know. I think I cried last night, but I don't remember.

28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD:
Spiniche

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
I dont

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
Most of me.

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
um, 8 and a hlf hours

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
I don't know.

34. CAN YOU SING?
So I'm told

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?:
Carrie Underwood

36.LAST KISS??
July.

37.LAST MOVIE RENTED?
I don't rent movies.

38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
cell

39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT?:
Bar Harbor maine

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
taptop

44.FAVORITE COMEDIAN??
Jerry Seinfeld

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
Never

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
On...

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
No one unfortunately.

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
For some people

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?:
Never

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
Yes

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?:
I'm not partial to eggs

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
i think it's interesting

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
My mom

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
Joel

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
"This started like yesterday."

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?
six

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
work pants a yellow tshirt and my work shirt

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OR SONG?
You might of heard I run with a dangerous crowd, we aint to pretty we aint to proud, we might be laughin a bit too loud, oh but that never hurt no one.

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J SANDWICH?
I don't

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
No

63. CAN YOU SWIM?:
Yeah

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
CookieDough.

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?:
Not particularly.

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF
I like music from the 90's more than music from now.

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
When I was younger, yes

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?:
Autumn! <3

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
Hah, probably today at work to appease a customer.

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
6:30

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?
The snow before everyone fuckes it up with footprints and shoveling. When everything is so peaceful and the world doesn't exist almost.

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?
Sept 05

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?
Graydie

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
i dated a pirate, and he was cool. I miss him, but yeah. They're cool I guess.

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
This weekend is over

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
A married woman.

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Yes.

87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
Not often.

88. DO YOU HAVE ON EYELINER:
No

89. ...WHERE'D YOU GO?
? huh

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
England.

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
Yep.

93. Do you have a crush?
Nope.

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
I don't know. I'm starting to like mine a lot.

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
I have a few, none of them fit properly.

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
We have the past 2 years.

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
Nope.

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
Nah

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
That I do..

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?
Yes I am.

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
To be born

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Yes

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
2 rings, earrings, and a necklace

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
I'm not really sure