Staring at the rude boys

I was going to update here yesterday to celebrate the anniversary of my last post^[1]. Unfortunately, due to the nature of my job, pretty much all I'm going to be capable of doing this month is working, eating and sleeping. Can't remember the last day I wasn't at work (Sundays included), but it was in November...next day off is Xmas Day.

Yes, so if you could bear with me, I have been working on something which will be here sometime in the New Year. In the meantime, I'm off to work again.



^[1] Ignore the two extraneous posts from a couple of months ago. :-)

Via ms_regan_of_eve

"Tim Smith tribute / fundraising album
From the good people behind the Tim Smith Tribute album say:
"It is with great pleasure that we can announce the release date for The Leader Of the Starry Skies ~ A Tribute To Tim Smith. Song Book 1. It is 6th December 2010. Pre-orders for the album are available NOW and will receive a bonus second album of exclusive material. http://www.thegenepool.co.uk/
This album must be a success to raise as much money as we can for Tim and so we call upon you all to spread the word with love and efficiency.... Please tell everyone you know. Get your friends and family buying.TELL EVERYONE IN THE WORLD!"

(I have contributed a cover of a lovely lovely Sea Nymphs song - Julianne).

In case you don't know, Tim Smith had a severe stroke a couple of years ago and is still stuck in hospital. It is hoped that money raised from this album will facilitate him being able to go and live at home. With this in mind, if you can, please spread the word. Thanks very much".

I'm breaking radio silence. My plan had been to wait until the anniversary of my last post and come back with something long and thoughtful on a subject I haven't decided on yet.

However, something strange happened to me this week. In a lifetime of dodging any kind of activism or anything that involved any kind of general social responsibility, I got blind-sided by something that reached in and grabbed my heart. God knows, there have been any number of issues over the years I could have thrown my weight behind, but this one just got me. Maybe it was because I was bullied at school for being a bit odd, or maybe it was the extraordinary way in which this message was delivered? I know not...but let us get on with the story.

In Fort Worth, Texas, there is a councilman by the name of Joel Burns. Joel is openly gay in a state not exactly famed for its tolerance toward homosexuality. On Tuesday, Joel gave up his alloted 12 mins of time for municipal announcements to highlight an issue very close to his heart. The issue being that of young gay teens commiting suicide for being, or being perceived to be, gay. He told us the stories of several young boys before revealing for the first time, to anyone, his own story of being bullied.

This is the video clip from YouTube. If you can make to the end of the clip without welling up, you have a tougher heart than me.



This affected me so deeply, I decided to make a big thing of this on Facebook and Twitter. This isn't just a US phenomenon, nor is it just a gay phenomenon. The issue of young people being bullied to the point of wanting to take their own lives happens worldwide, and for many different reasons (being gay, being fat, being goth, being different).

Joel's speech represents a larger campaign, started by the US journalist Dan Savage. The 'It Gets Better' Project. A worthwhile cause to get behind, I hope you'll agree.

Word is getting out. When I picked this up on Thursday views of the video stood a 568. Now they stand at over 1.2 million. Joel has appeared on almost all of the large US news networks over the past couple of days and his heartfelt, heroic act has been championed by everyone from Ellen DeGeneres to Barack Obama. In so many ways, this is a total win for both Joel and the It Gets Better Project, but if you click on the stats of the video clip, the picture doesn't look so good. There is still so much of the world this message needs to reach. Admittedly, proliferation of the video is much higher in the mostly English speaking countries, but just pushing it out there has to be doing something good.

I'm Paul Corrosion on Facebook, where a lot of friends have passed the message on. Thank you to them.

On Twitter, I'm doing my best to get the video out to as many people as possible and am trying to get the hashtag, #joelburns trending. This is proving difficult and frustrating due to the very high signal-to-noise ratio. I'm gashinryu on Twitter.

Please, if you feel at all inclined to help highlight this issue, it only takes a few clicks.

Crosscut Saw - Sunshine Of Your Love. Skips in the middle as it's two clips stitched together. Also contains a lovely "shit, I've forgotten the words, mumble something incoherrent" moment. :-)

My latest musical venture, Crosscut Saw...a Crawley-based blues rock band. Video clip here of us performing Johnny Winter's "Boot Hill". Unfortunately, due to storage limitations on the camera, it cuts off during the solo, but it's still good. Now, go and watch it before it gets taken down for copyright infringment. ;-)

All Living Fear on tour for the first time in 11 years.



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However, the evening, not so much.

Seventeen years ago, Sara and I picked up two kittens and called them Dastardly & Mutley. Mutley, short black hair and grumpy - Dastardly, ginger fluffball of fun. Sara called me this evening to tell me Dastardly had to be put down today. He was old and his body had broken down to the point where he couldn't carry on. A blessed relief for him, but the sense of loss, even at distance is keenly felt. Godspeed, old fella.

And then there was Emily. A friend of a friend. I never met her, but a few weeks ago, my friend Michelle sent out a request for thoughts and prayers. Emily was undergoing an operation to remove a brain tumour. She came through the operation, but she died yesterday. She was seven years old.

I have nothing else to say.

It all started when I woke up...

Eyes open, wide awake! Wow, feels like I've only been asleep for half an hour. *looks at clock* I have only been asleep for half an hour. WTFIGO?

Brain (my brain has Stewie's voice, btw): "HELLO!?! I SAY! HELLO!?!"
Me: "I mean, WTF!?!"
Brain: "HELLO! Oh god, this is ludicrous...IS THIS THING ON?"
Me: What the hell happened? Why is my alarm going off?
Brain: "It's because you only fell asleep half an hour before you were supposed to wake up! You moron. Now drag your sorry meatsack downstairs and make me coffee."

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So my decree absolute came through. I am now single and free to re-marry, if I wish. It's quite a strange feeling, even after Sara and I being apart for all this time. I'm very glad it's all over and done with now but I...well, I just don't know. I'm sat here in a room in the house I share with two other guys and I'm wondering where I am. The last couple of years of upheaval and quiet desperation have been challenging, but I've stood up, stepped forward and taken it all in the way a man should...maybe successfully, mostly gracefully and, hopefully, with a fair measure of dignity.

So here I am, sat here in this room in my house. Housemate #1 is downstairs shagging his girlfriend. Housemate #2 is in the next room arguing with his wife. I'm feeling mostly okay, a little down in all honesty, but mostly okay...and the thought that keeps pushing its way into my head is that I just don't feel like I belong anywhere at the moment. I have work, I have blaadyblah and the kids and I have the bands...but I just want to settle somewhere, put the last few years behind me. I'm ready to let go of it all now, all the pain and madness...I'm done. I like being me. I like laughing and singing and making love. I like TV and sunshine and East Grinstead.

I like being happy.

But the melancholy stirs. I suppose it's natural to feel a bit off on days like these. I don't know. This is my first time being divorced, so forgive me if I can't be considered an expert witness on it.

Never mind. There's another day tomorrow, stuffed to the gunwhals with more potential challenges, pain, happiness, experience. Those too will be met and those too, like today, will be the little milestones that map your journey through this life, each one marking a step closer to where you wish to be. Important times, like chapters in a book.

So maybe this is the ending of this chapter?

I don't know.

Let's turn to the next page, shall we? :-)