2017 did not suck. It was eye opening. And I'm moving out of the country again to teach English. My dream. This time in Armenia for the Peace Corps.
My relationship with J is stable and great. My George has a place to go. My co-workers and job love me. I am good. This has been a good year of not documenting shit.
And now it's about to be 2018 and I'm like YAS QUEEN! I'm about to do the things I need to do...and I am grateful. I know I will soar.
I got so fed up with 2016 that I started a business at the end of the year. Making and selling craft ginger beer, which I've solve several gallons of, btw.
And that led to a personal chef gig that I'm doing my first day of today. We'll see what this year does. #2017DoesntHaveToSuck
1. Didn't want to get up. Hung over from last night's political wine guzzling. 2. Dog was depressed because he sensed I was sad. 3. White Girl with Dreds told me that she should feel like she should go "live in a hole" more than me. I asked why and she said, "Because I do, ok?! You wouldn't understand." 4. Co-Worker came to work with a visible gun on his belt. 5. Other Co-Worker and I discussed leaving the country in favor of Asia because I'm a Black woman and he's a gay Black man and this current political situation is not going to be safe for us. 6. Micro aggression business as usual.
J is on tour for the rest of the year. I'm going to miss him for real but he needed to do this...he is no good doing nothing at home.
My dad started his cancer treatment today. He is not doing chemo, which is scary but not scary. I sat with him the last hour or so he was getting it done.
My new job is going to be just fine. It's a bar job but whatever.
I am working at a bar again. Not Publik, but a bar down the street that is way busier. It's one of, if not THE busiest bar in Atlanta. I already was welcome to join the team four years ago. So now I'm glad that I finally took them up on it and everyone is actually excited that I am there to work. I am working with two people I worked with at Einsteins (where I loved to work but it wasn't enough money in the long run). The money potential there is great. I can get my savings back up. Get my car fixed finally...
Other things: Daddy has stage 4 lung cancer. I haven't been able to type that out aside from talking to friends. He is taking it well. He is getting some alternative treatment at one of the best hospitals in the country, though. Hoping for the best.
Jorge is doing better. He is just acting old now. He is 12 though...but still. My Jorge :(
Things are getting a little challenging relationship wise. Not bad. Just challenging. J doesn't always talk to me about what he is going through, which is really straining us because I keep thinking it is something I am doing and it just isn't. But he can't seem to open up fully to me and it is getting on my nerves.
I might be going to a writing conference in New Orleans in November. Four members of my writing group, who are ALL fucking amazing, placed in a contest which allows them to go to the conference and they want me to come. (Okay. Four placed...there are eight of us...I wish I applied too because we are all really up there. I feel like I'm not even as good as them but they are the ones critiquing and raving about my work so...maybe it's not all in my head...?)
I'm writing personal essays again. They're kind of depressing and funny but that's what my life is about lately. Why try to hide it? I'm fucking depressed everybody. My life is sad. My family is suffering. I'm still holding it together. I haven't fallen apart. Yet.
I don't do anything anymore. I literally just sit in my apartment when I don't have to work. Seriously, going to the gynecologist yesterday and laughing with the nurses as my pap smear was being done was fun for me. What am I doing with myself?!
I also consulted a lawyer yesterday with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission because I've been experiencing what feels like workplace discrimination. I also need to stop doing what I'm doing because obviously, everything about this industry is bothering me now...but I don't know what else to do.
Every year my life just gets so far away from whatever it is that I don't even know I want. Do I even want anything anymore?
Well I guess an apology for being ghosted after almost seven years is better than nothing. I thought he wouldn't show up to work. This new job is great but it keeps coming with challenges that get on my nerves. Like ex's getting a job there. And being paid every two weeks. And old asshole customers being trainers for the company.
The good news is that I made nearly $400 yesterday in seven hours. So there's that. And some of my regulars from like five years ago at Einsteins came in and they are likely my new regulars because they moved to the area. Two old ladies who drink dirty martinis and buy $200 bottles of wine on a Tuesday afternoon to have with their fried chicken. LOL!
Things are looking up. I just need J to get back :)
