I just got an IM on Yahoo Messenger from a screen name that I didn't recognize. This person knew me by name, so I figured this person must be a friend of mine, and I felt embarrassed that I didn't associate the screen name with a name. When I took a double-take and thought about the screen name, I noticed this person was a former friend of mine.
This person shall remain nameless (and if I can work my way around pronouns, genderless) because this person is a LiveJournal user. Just because I don't get along with this person personally doesn't mean that this person is a bad person. This person is a fine person. We simply have a personality clash.
This person and I had a rocky relationship since we met. Such a relationship is extremely a-typical for me. I usually don't get into drawn out arguements with friends. I tend to have peaceful relationships. I'm a person and (most of) my friends are people, so we obviously get into our tiffs, but they don't usually last long.
The friendship I had with this person was exactly the opposite. We got into fights constantly. I think the amount of time we spoke with one another was about equal to the amount of time we didn't. It was more drama than I was accustomed to and more drama than I wanted. We cut ties about a month ago.
This person IMed me and asked if we could give our friendship another chance. This person stated that this person simply wanted things to be civil between us. I said that they were civil. I'm not sending this person hate mail or anything of the sort. I'm even going to lengths of having long, awkward sentences here, avoiding any possible identifying information (minus this person being a LiveJournal user, but that's not really identifying since there are so many users on LJ) about this person to ensure that this person doesn't receive any ill treatment based on this entry.
I don't treat this person poorly. We just don't talk.
I know this is a character flaw on my part, which makes me reflect inward. Everyone has ups and downs. I have some remarkable friends that have stayed by my side through all of mine, self-imposed and not. I owe everything positive I am to those people. They're the ones that have helped me get through life. I couldn't have done it without them.
The ultimate reason this person and I cut ties is because of the self-made drama that this person but this person and those around this person through. I can't take it. I just don't have the compassion or patience for it. Does that make me a bad person?
We always let our dogs out the side door into the backyard to prance around and do their business.
Last night my mom sent me to my room because I wasn't being nice to Ben. My "not being nice" entailed refusing to hang out with him. He's my brother, and I would never wish harm to him, but I don't like him anymore. I don't trust him. I don't like him. I want little to do with him. Events took place that I don't feel at liberty to discuss in such a public forum, but my point is that it wasn't always like this. It didn't use to be uncommon for us to spend an evening watching TV and playing gin. Now you couldn't pay me enough to do so.
My mom is afraid that when she and my dad die we won't have a relationship, which we may not. Neither of my parents are in great health and they're both fairly old parents for their time. Blood doesn't mean love, it only means genetics. It's a choice to be friends.
Anyway, back to the point of all of this. My mom sent me to my room. When I walked in the house, both of the dogs were inside. My mom let them out and didn't watch them as she brought in the groceries. When she came inside, Pepper came in with her, but not Bear. She had us look around the house to see if Bear was inside and she just didn't notice. He wasn't. We looked around outside and didn't find him. We didn't find him, so my mom said, "That's it ... he's gone," and just wanted to come inside. Beside the fact that it's too cold outside for him and if we didn't get him that evening he'd die, we needed to find him before he got too far away. My mom didn't seem to care if he lived or died, and then tried to split the blame three ways between me, Ben, and herself. Umm ... excuse me, but she was the one entirely at fault. Ben and I were in the house and upstairs by her orders long before she allowed them to run out. I got a flashlight and walked around the perimeter of the yard a few times. I found him deep in the backyard and got him inside, so all is well.
It just royally pissed me off how she tried to stand there and pin fault on me for something I couldn't possibly have had any impact on.
I seriously can't wait until I go to college. Then it's up to me when I come back. My first semester, unless things change a lot, I don't want to come home. It'll be healthy for all of us for me to get away and stay away for a while. There are three breaks you have to leave campus for in the winter semester: a short October break (I think four days), a short Thanksgiving break (five days, Wednesday through Sunday), and a week encompassing Christmas and New Years. Anyone want to invite me over? ;-)
I was college visiting yesterday and today in Virginia. I was spending the night at the college I'll be going to in the fall. I'm pretty excited.
The trip was ... eh, quite interesting. The highlights:
- My dad forgot his wallet which had all of his credit cards, money, and ID. I had enough cash on me for lunch, but didn't have much beyond that. However, I did have my license, so my mom wired me $100 and I got it and gave it to my dad. He prepaid for his hotel so that was plenty of money.
- While I was driving a mattress slipped off of the minivan in front of me and flew towards me. I ended up running over the mattress on my way over to the shoulder to pull over. The driver got out of the minivan, pulled the mattress from beneath my car, put it in the back of his minivan, and drove off.
So, all is well, and I had a great time at MBC (Mary Baldwin College) and VWIL (Virginia Women's Institute for Leadership). There are some really great people there. I got to talk with a senior that will be commissioned in the Marine Corps in May and that woman beams with confidence. I want to be just like her. She's kick-ass. Cadet Jennifer Kukla. Amazing woman. All of the women in VWIL are outstanding. They were all so confident. So sure of themselves. So mature. So outgoing.
Would it make me ultra girly if I were to get a french manicure?
I don't want to give up my, "Don't mess with me because I could beat your ass and bury it in the backyard!" status, but I kinda want a french manicure. This is my graduating NFTY dance.
I'm officially a Mary Baldwin College student and VWIL cadet. Reservations have been paid and I'll be going down in June or July to meet my advisor, roommate, other VWIL cadets and MBC students, pick my classes and plan my schedule, and get a library and ID card.
VWIL cadets go to school a week early and go on a camping trip. It'll be fun.
I can't wait to leave home. Once I go off to college, I never have to come back. It'll be up to me. This'll be good for me.
I need to switch banks before I go down there. I have no idea what to switch to since I don't know what's near MBC, but I really should switch.
March 22 I have CPR recert. It's a three hour recertification course! Why do I need to be there for three hours? I remember how to do it. Why can't I just take the test, pass, and leave?
Next week I have to put in my summer hours request at the J. I'm going to request 6am to 2pm Monday through Friday. During the summer they have enough guards working to rotate so I'll be able to workout on breaks. Good times.
I'm sick, again. Both Ben and my mom had some funky cold and I woke up with it. I left work an hour early, which is very unlike me.
I'm pretending like I'm well. I can't take time off of school. I was close to running before I left work, but I got dizzy walking down the stairs so I decided against the notion. I'm still doing school work and doing everything else as if I were well, even though I think I'm going to call work and say that I can't come in tomorrow. I seriously feel like shit. I have chills. I shouldn't be guarding.
