Stephen Cornfoot

SusanishereSusanishereSusanishere...

I feel the urge to make one of those heartfelt but trite comments along the lines of, "Just when you thought that Italy couldn't get more beautiful" or "The Tuscan countryside certainly is a sight to behold around this time of the year" but my inner Ravenclaw snob is rebelling. Just not quite enough.

...SusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishereSusanishere

Just to let anyone who cared know that I'm alive. And okay. Well, not okay but better than what I could have been. We all are.

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Yes, I was there. Yes, I helped. A little, but it was enough. Yes, I am normally friendly. But not right now. So yes, unless you also were there, no, I don't want to talk about it.

Oh my. No more read-throughs. No more dress rehearsals. The play is tomorrow evening in the Great Hall, about half an hour after supper. It is an adaption of Pride & Prejudice. My parents are even Porkeying over from Italy to watch it. And I am playing Darcy. Darcy!

I only hope that I can do justice to Ernie and Parvati, and Wayne and Hermione's excellent script, and Susan and all my other talented and hard-working fellow actors. I have so many people I could potentially let down.

And Cadwallader will only have his journal back when he proves he can write in coherent sentences, and keep discussion of other people's love lives to a minimum.

Congratulations to Hufflepuff on the loss, which was actually a win. Clearly I wish that things had worked out differently, but you were the consistently more in-form team, so you deserved it.

And the illness that is going around, providing you aren't suffering from it, makes for some interesting observations. Have you noticed that while the usually erudite Ravenclaws drop verbs and subjects and talk in dependent clauses (see Exhibit A: Roger Davies), the Hufflepuffs, unfairly labeled as "duffers" by some, have become more creative and loquacious (see Exhibit B: Beatrix Dunstan)? Except in the case of some, their opinions on interstudent relationships (see Exhibit C: Cadwallader) are scarily accurate could not be further from the truth.

That said, I have no wish to validate my hypothesis first-hand.

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This is mainly addressed to the headmistress, but everyone else should read it too in case you're wondering why some of us aren't back at school when term starts again.

There's been a Death Eater threat around our area, and Vol...Volde...nah, I'm not as brave as Dad You-Know-Who himself was even rumoured to be spotted. We're not directly at risk, but Mum and Dad tell us that the Portkey system somehow got broken into, so it's unsafe to travel to or from Italy at the moment and will be so for a few more days at least.

I stress that we're quite safe. We just can't go anywhere. Dad is still going to work, but his department has hired three hit wizards to guard our villa. They arrived just over an hour ago. Except the problem is that they must stay over, which means a reshuffling of sleeping arrangements. Any suggestions?

Parvati and Ernie, I'm sorry if this interferes with preparation for the play. And Ravenclaw Quidditch team, you'll just have to manage practice without me.

So I've been cast as Mr Darcy. I'm a little concerned as to whether or not I can do the part justice since Darcy is one of those iconic literary characters who everyone has their own view of, and I know that I'll never fit every single reader's image of him, that there are some who are most likely already thinking I'm not quite right before even seeing me act. I can only say that I will work hard to bring the character to life and I hope you're satisfied with what you see, but that he will be my version of Darcy, and maybe not as Jane Austen or yourselves have envisioned him.

That said, I think that everyone else has been brilliantly cast. I particularly look forward to seeing Ernie and Lavender sparr off each other as those ill-matched parents of Elizabeth Bennet, and I believe Morag will make a truly commanding Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Fear her, for she is the Head Girl! Darcy might have ended up with Anne out of sheer intimidation if she had been Lady Catherine from the start.

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- Stephen Cornfoot, Hopefully Not An Appalling Darcy

The only language I'm interested in learning is Italian, and I already know how to count in that. Sorry to buck the trend Seamus and sixth years. And speaking of which, sixth years, with the exception of Quintus you're all as about as subtle as Sloper whenever Teagan Moran walks by. Even Trelawney must realise you're up to something.

Sooo, career talks. I don't need a visit to Trelawney to foresee what is going to happen. I'll be given a sternly appraising look over the top of Professor McGonagall's glasses and told that my marks aren't high enough for what I want to do, yet too high for what I don't want to do, and then told to pull my act together and sent on my way with a Ginger Newt or two. Three, if she's especially annoyed with me.

And has anyone else created or come across the concept of a plateau or default mark? That is, what you know you can usually get by not slacking of exactly but just sort of going through the motions of things. For example, I seem to pull an "E" for most subjects, and am currently averaging that for History of Magic. Yet I known than in order to get something higher than my plateau mark, namely, an "O," I'll have to work that much harder and am still not guaranteed success. So it just doesn't seem worth it, you know? Particularly since it is History of Magic.

Susan, I'm so thankful you're talking to me again.

- Stephen Cornfoot, (Temporarily) One-Armed Keeper

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