The Slight Schmetterling

[  ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] have many scars.
[  ] I tan easily.
[  ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair.
[  ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[  ] have/I've had braces.
[  ] wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.


Family/Home Life

[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[x] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together
[  ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[  ] I've had children.
[  ] I've lost a child.


School/Work

[x] I'm in school.
[  ] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[  ] I almost always do my homework.
[  ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[  ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[  ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[  ] I've stolen something from my job
[  ] I've been fired.
[x] I've skipped school.


Embarrassment

[  ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[  ] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[  ] I've had my pants rip(ped) in public.

Health

[x] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[  ] I've gotten stitches.
[x] I've broken a bone.
[  ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[  ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

Traveling

[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[  ] I've been to Canada.
[  ] I've been to Mexico.
[  ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[  ] I've been to Japan.
[  ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I've been to Europe.
[  ] I've been to Africa.
[  ] I've been to Bermuda

Experiences

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[  ] I've seen a shooting star.
[  ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[  ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[  ] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[  ] I've been to a casino.
[  ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've been an abuse victim.
[  ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[  ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[  ] I've crashed a car.
[  ] I've been skiing
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[  ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten Sushi.
[  ] I've been snowboarding.


Relationships

[  ] I'm single
[x] I'm interested in someone
[  ] I'm in a relationship
[  ] I'm engaged.
[  ] I'm married.
[x] I've had someone cheat on me.
[  ] I've gone on a blind date.
[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[  ] I have a fear of commitment.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[  ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[  ] I've gotten divorced [am getting...]
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[  ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.


Sexuality

[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I love to flirt.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[  ] I have kissed a stranger.


Honesty/Crime

[  ] I am a terribly GOOD liar.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[  ] I've run a red light.
[x] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[x] I've been in a fist fight.
[  ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've shoplifted


Drugs/Alcohol

[X] I've consumed alcohol.
[  ] I regularly drink.
[  ] I've passed out from drinking.
[  ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[x] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[  ] I'm a stoner.
[  ] I've snorted cocaine.
[  ] I've eaten shrooms.
[x] I've popped E.
[  ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[  ] I've done hard drugs.
[X] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[  ] I can't swallow pills.
[  ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[  ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[x] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose
[x] I'm addicted to self harm
[x] I've woken up crying.
[x] I've cried myself to sleep.
[x] I see a therapist.
[x] I've seen a shrink

Death and Suicide

[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[  ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] Ive thought about suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[kinda] I've attempted suicide.


Materialism

[x] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[x] I own a designer purse, costing over $100 a piece.
[  ] I own something from Hot Topic. (*cry*)
[  ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[  ] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[  ] I own something from Abercrombie.


Political/Social Attitudes

[x] In general, I don't like people.
[x] I'm a feminist.
[x] I'm very outgoing.
[x] I listen to political music.
[  ] I'm Democratic.
[  ] I'm Republican.
[x] I'm liberal.
[x] I don't like Bush because he is dumb.
[x] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[  ] I am for Bush.
[  ] I'm religious.
[  ] I dress fairly modestly.
[  ]My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it."


Random

[x] I can sing well.
[x] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[  ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[  ] I am a morning person.
[x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[  ] I am a sports fanatic.
[  ] I twirl my hair
[  ]I have "x"s in my screen name
[  ] I love being neat
[  ] I love Spam
[x] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[  ] I like Martha Stewart.
[  ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[  ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[  ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[  ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[  ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[  ] I'm good at remembering names
[  ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[  ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[x] My answers are totally honest

"NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors(wow the irony!!) Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable. "

"June:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn. "

That one was very.. true.

"APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see. "

A little editing and voila. wir haben ALEX.

Honest to god, what crawled up my mother's ass? She has such a serious issue... She's slowly destroying our family.. I cant WAIT to get away from here... I swear I cant wait to fuck off....
STUPID BAD MOTHER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl6…

Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Elastic bands snap and -
and the thoughts will trickle down my face
through my mind, my world, so out of place
water running through the empty space
they dance with grace, throw flowers and fall
hearing me scream, devouring the wall
with the fists of the broken, insanity's calls
pain and tears, broken back, rapists maul
elastic bands snap
the voices clap their little hands and flap
their little wings crack and elastic bands snap
and the wings do break and the eyes do wake
voices levitate, breaking what they create
so they suffocate

And elastic bands snap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mnz…

"Why are you crying, Alex?"
I was reluctant to let her know how I felt about myself. How, at that moment, all I wanted to do was purge until my insides were empty and my throat was raw. I think she sensed it...
"You are beautiful."
"But I could be better."
"No, Alex, you couldn't. All those little things you want to change you can only change through hurting yourself. If you're trying to recover from all that you've been maybe you should realise that you are perfect the way you are."
I didn't want her to say it like that. It hurt the way she said it. Everyone said that. Everyone in here and out there said it. And every one of them had lied. Rosemary felt how it hurt. She held me tight.
"I would never hurt you. I cant promise because even promises are broken. But you know I would never hurt you. Never."
I almost drowned in her words. I supposed the memories hurt. Then again, I had to remember, this was Rosemary. This was someone I could trust purely because she wasn't real... I knew in myself that was a lie. It was a child's lie, something I desperately wanted to believe. There were people in my head that had hurt me before.
"I'm not her you know..."
Her words struck me. I knew Rosemary wasn't Anya... She wasn't Lia either... but still, it was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I had been betrayed so many times in there that anything would get better. But I had to believe her. She was keeping the others at bay. 
Well. Mostly.