When Jack had offered to cook dinner for the four of them, safe to say Ianto hadn’t expected this. There was Jack, bustling around the TARDIS kitchen, busy with his pots and pans, and totally naked. It was quite an inspiring, if slightly disturbing sight. Not that unexpected naked Jack wasn’t a pleasant surprise, but amid all those bubbling pans… It seemed a tad risky to Ianto.

“You’re naked.” He honestly hadn’t meant to say anything, but somehow the words had just slipped out.

Jack spun around, spatula in hand, and a big grin on his face. “You noticed!”

“It’s kind of hard not to. Difficult not to. I meant to say difficult.” Hard too, but Ianto didn’t want to give Jack ideas while he was cooking, it wouldn’t do to distract him too much, especially as whatever he was making smelled really good. Distracting would come after they ate. And that wouldn’t be the only thing coming if Ianto had any say in the matter. Still, he really had to know something. “Why?”

“Why what? You’ve lost me.”

“Why are you cooking naked?”

Jack shrugged carelessly. “The Doctor doesn’t own an apron and it’s hot in here.”

Ianto had always found Jack’s skewed logic fascinatingly inventive. “Yes, I suppose it is.” There was enough steam around to make the small kitchen feel a bit like a sauna. “Aren’t you afraid of getting…”

“Groped?”

“No. Splashed, or burned; I’d think it would be a bit hazardous.”

“One of the advantages of rapid healing; I don’t really have to worry about things like that.”

“Mm, I suppose not.” Ianto’s eyes were still wandering up and down his lover’s body, as if they had a mind of their own.

“Like what you see?” Jack’s smirk was positively lascivious.

“Oh my! I most certainly do!” a voice purred from behind Ianto, who didn’t bother tearing his eyes away from Jack to look over his shoulder.

“Don’t encourage him, River,” he chided. “He’s bigheaded enough already.”

“It’s not just his head that’s big.”

“I’ve never had cause to complain,” Ianto agreed.

“I should think not!”

“Is dinner nearly rea… Jack Harkness, put that away this instant! I can’t believe you’re flashing that… that… at my WIFE!”

“Don’t be a spoilsport, Sweetie.” Ianto could hear the pout in River’s voice; she was almost as good at that as Jack.

“Anyone would think you’d never seen a naked man before.” Jack turned away to stir one of his pans, then bent to check something in the oven, effectively flashing his rear view.

Ianto leaned towards River, still without looking her way. “Rear of the Year three years running, or so he tells me.”

“I can certainly believe that.”

“It is impressive.”

“I think I’ve lost my appetite,” the Doctor muttered, sounding a bit, but nobody spared him even a momentary glance as he beat a hasty retreat from the kitchen.

“Will he be okay?” Ianto asked.

“I imagine so. He protests a lot, but he’s really not as much of a prude as he pretends to be. I’m sure he’ll come around to our way of thinking in time.”

“Just as long as he doesn’t take forever about it, otherwise this isn’t going to be much of a honeymoon,” Ianto said, finally turning to River. “Do you think perhaps we should get undressed for dinner? It would save time later.”

River smiled wickedly. “Splendid idea! Have I ever told you I really love the way you think?”

The End

Of course! She admires Jack as much as anyone does ;)

Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!

It would be well worth ogling, wouldn't it?

Thank you, glad you liked it!