fashionsoprano

I honestly can't believe it. I'm on the football team, I won us a game, and my dad, he understands now. He doesn't hate me, he's not ashamed of me, and I can't remember the last time I've been this happy. He accepts me, he still cares about me, and that's the best feeling in the world, I don't think I've felt this good since my mother died.

And watching Puckerman dance to Single Ladies with the rest of those oafs wasn't bad either. Maybe this'll get them off my back and I'll get out of my rather long relationship with the school's dupster. Now that he's in Glee club though, I don't know what will happen. All I know is that I'm not going to be his punching bag anymore. That won't work for me anymore.

As for Finn, something seems to be bothering him. He was so great with helping me out with the football thing, I really feel like I should to something to pay him back. I wonder what's going on with him that's got him in such a funk. But at the same time he seems so much more determined. I heard him talking to Mr. Schue about a football scholarship, but if Glee keeps going the way it is, he could get into an arts school easily.

Rachel has diva-ed out of Glee club for the time being, but she'll be back. She always seems to come back. What she doesn't realize is that this isn't her show. It's ours, and until she realizes that we'll have no chance at regionals.

Planning on working on a performance of "Single Ladies" soon with a couple of friends. Should be fun, as long as no one catches us, I really don't need that hanging over my head right now.  Anyway, ours we'll be much fiercer, sure the simple leotards had a wonderful effect, and I would die if Mr. Schue had that kind of choreography skills, but what it really needs is a touch of me. We'll see what happens.

Mercedes. I guess you could say it came sooner than I expected. Coming out is such a hassle anyway. How more obvious do I need to make it. Do they want to catch me doodling Mr. Kurt Hummel Hudson into my notebook? Find a shrine in my room dedicated to every male in our school? I don't want to deal with this yet. I wanted the inquiries about my sexuality to first come from the reporters beating down my door after launching my new line of modestly priced men's suits, fragrences, and fedoras. This would be after my broadway debut of course. Not that my father hasn't been 'inquiring' for years. Or Puck, or Rachel, Tina, Mr. Schuester, and every other student in our school. Execpt maybe Finn who once asked me if Rachel and I were a 'thing'.  Like I would come with in a mile of that fame hungry drama queen even if I were straight. I don't feel the need to be labled. I don't want to fit into the box of the poor, sad, gay teen that everyone makes fun of, that everyone hates. Who gets kicked out of his house, bashed, put down and stayed down. I am not that person, and if I have it my way I'll never be that person.

I don't know what to do next. Mercedes thiks I should tell the kids in Glee, say's that they'll understand, but how can they. We have cheerleaders in the club for god's sake. And Finn, my god Finn, imagine what they'd do to me if they knew. If he knew. No, my little secret will stay exactly that, a secret.

I know I'll be fine. I know that what I do here, in this dirty little town filled with wannabees and philistinal monkeys won't matter. I know that the hell I go through at this school will not define me. I'll have a future even if it means I have to fight for it. I can put up with my father's confusion, Puck's bullying, Rachel's diva personality, and Finn's obliviousness. I've been put down, and knocked around my entire life, but that won't matter soon. I won't always be the little boy reading Vogue under his sheets with a flashlight. I won't always be the gay teenager getting tossed into a dumpster. I won't always be my father's embarrassment, or the butt of every joke. I'm better than that. I know I'm better than that, and soon every person at this hell hole of a school will know that. Finn will know that.

Right now, maybe glee club is all I have, but not forever. I'll take on the world with my Marc Jacob's jacket and my soprano. I'll challenge every cliche and every rule that society has laid out for me. Right now I'm Mr. Cellophane, but soon I'll be Defying Gravity.