Dear Daddy,
While I appreciate, tremendously, that you like getting up before I'm awake and picking up the dog poop from your and my dog, you need to stop throwing the dog crap over the fence.
It bears repeating.
Stop throwing the dog poop over the fence.
Not only is this not classy, it is not actually picking it up, because it is still there and still stinky. Now, however, it is stuck in the pine trees and well outside any effort at retrieval that does not involve a ladder and a comb. It is also stuck in and on the chain link fence. It's as if someone decorated for Christmas...
...with dog crap.
Stop throwing dog crap over the fence.
Love,
Your daughter
I started editing this for a strikethrough tag in the last post, but it grew, and grew, and grew, and I know a rant when I see one.
I'm debating on if I tell my father how to get into Control Panel or not, because the chances of him not touching anything are very, very slim. He turns off my FSCKING alarm clock for crying out loud.
Yes, I am still bitter about that. The thing with the alarm clock. It was only the once (so far), and I cannot see any time in the next eight months when I will not be all WTFH?! about that. My alarm clock is srs, srs bsns. And he turned it off.
It was a quarter to seven in the morning, I had to be at work at eight, and I'm seasonally affective. This is not anything new, people have had to practically use road crews to get me out of bed since I was ten years old. My father knows this. Everyone who's met me before noon knows this. I damn near failed out of college, twice, because of this. Suffice it to say that when it comes to me and mornings, DADDY IS AWARE.
Evidently the moth-like lure of the lightbulb is enough to erase my father's memory of not only what time I had to be at work, but my entire personal history for the last eight to ten years. My alarm clock turns on the light. My alarm clock beeps, plays music, turns on the lights, and does damn near everything but dance. It was a present from my mommy, who loves me very much and is a sensible, practical woman. It took me two days to fall so hard in love with this thing that I would let someone destroy my bookcase before I let them near my alarm clock.
October through March this marvelous alarm clock that beeps and plays music and turns on the lights, in conjunction with the cell phone alarm clock is just barely enough to get me up before eleven (this would be why now I start work at one in the afternoon). AND HE WALKED IN AND TURNED OFF MY ALARM CLOCK. AND I HAD TO GO TO WORK. WTF.
Now, he didn't do it to be an ass. He did it to be HELPFUL! I was asleep, and my light was on! So I wasn't using it, because I was asleep, right? Daddy turns off lights the way other, more National-Geographic-feature animals are driven to mate. His urge to turn off lights is stronger than his urge to lock any doors he sees and may even be stronger than his compulsion to fiddle with the fucking dashboard controls in traffic. LEAVE THE RADIO ALONE DADDY, I WANT TO LIVE.
On the practical side, the jolt of ZOMG WTF YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT did get me up. It's the mercy of God that the ominous -click- of the off switch registered in the hindbrain as "BAD SOUND."
...I'm not going to keep counting on that.
Double-posted. Because.
When did I become tech support? When did it shift from "Daddy, it's stuck" to "Hey, Princess? This thing won't close."
My father's computer (which my mother also uses) has a virus, or something, calling itself Microsoft Privacy. It took a while to convince my father that this program was not actually from Microsoft, despite it opening a microsoft.com/privacy browser, solely on the basis that "the font is wrong and Microsoft is not purple."
"But it says Microsoft."
"Trust me. Bill Gates is not connected to this in any way."
The bonus is that my father is a faster sell than my mother, who will argue with me while still wanting me to FIX IT. ^^;;
I don't know how it got on there, but I'm pretty sure my mother is involved. This program was written for people like my mother, because the best Norton firewall money can buy (thanks Daddy) doesn't work if you click OK. /)_-
Because there is no Start button or task bar, I have done three things. One is to click a link on the window "Microsoft Privacy" brought up, because that opened a browser (and cued the discussion about purple). This let me download Malware Bytes and click "run" on the download popup... and it let me search Google to figure out how to get at the Control Panel without a task bar or DOS prompt. I dread the day someone figures out how to prevent you from going to any site except the "buy now" one. -_-;;; Two is to install and run Malware Bytes from the aforementioned download popup, scanning as we type. Three was to CTRL+ALT+DEL that sucker into submission. The funny part was it was trying to tell me THIS OPERATION IS PROHIBITED! even as it was shut down like a middle-school booze party next to a police station.
Rather like the Wicked Witch wailing "I'M MELTING" now that I think about it.
Four, if I can get to Four before I leave, is to get at the Control Panel from CTRL+ALT+DEL's task manager (thank you Google).
Mom... new rule. We already have the "do not click on anything you don't recognize." I am now amending that to "don't click on anything you do recognize."
EDIT: My mother just got home. Evidently it gets better: she hasn't used my father's computer, which only figures: she has her own. And when I said "new rule. Don't click on anything" she said "Yeah, I've got that. I don't open anything unless several someone elses ask me if I got it." I mentioned the purple. She gave me a look, a look VERY similar to my icon, and said "I don't know how that got there" is my father's code for "I clicked on something."
I have to go to work and the scans aren't finished. I'm debating on if I tell my father how to get into Control Panel or not, because the chances of him not touching anything are very, very slim. He turns off my FSCKING alarm clock for crying out loud.
NEW RULE. No one is allowed to click on anything ever again.
disgusted