You can be whatever you want

despite reading all this. i still feel desperately alone.  it's actually so weird to see how much people actually have an idea on what the hell i'm going through right now.  i've been abused by both my parents.  my mom physically abused me untl i was 17 and the verbal abuse is still ongoing.  when i was 11 0r 12, i remember looking for safety in my dad..at first he made me feel loved and wanted until he started touching me at night and telling me that it was okay for him to see me naked because he was my dad...i told once, when i couldn't take the sexual abuse anymore..my mom made me swear to God that i wasn't lying..i remember that night clearly..i was 12..i told her i didn't want to sleep in their room anymore because i was getting older..she was complaining and telling me i was wasting electricity...i felt i had no choice but to tell her..that night still haunts me like it just happened yesterday... after hitting and slapping me all over,she made me hold a crucifix and swear to God i wasn't lying..i knew i wasn't lying and i swore...my dad came home..we were in the living room..i was crying and and my mom was looking at me furiously..i knew in my heart i didn't do anything wrong but i started to doubt...maybe i was lying...she had that power over me...i couldn't look at either of them.. i felt bad for telling..my dad denied it..i cried because i knew i lost..i ended apologizing to him for lying..i could never forget that day...i apologized to my perpetrator..it was the worst day of my life..i didn't sleep that night..my mom made me stay up so she could beat me again for being a liar..after that, she made stay in the prayer room (she's one of those stupid "devout" catholics)  and apologize to God for swearing to him about a lie..

Every now and then I'll think of my mom and just get this surge of bitterness and resentment. That can't be healthy. But I don't know if I can forgive her when she keeps hurting me emocionally even after I've moved out of her house.

I can't severe all ties to her if I keep in contact with Hayley (my little sister), at least not in-person contact. It isn't fair to Hayley. It isn't fair to me, either, but who the hell cares what I think is fair.

I just... wish there was some way to completely distance myself from her. Utterly and totally. I never want to see her or read or her words again. But I know I have to.

*Name* Kathleen

*Age* 17

*Location* NC

*Who is your abuser* both my parents have been verbal abusers, i've only been physically abused by my mom and her boyfriend

*How long were you abused* verbally: probably forever, but the worst stuff has been in like the past 5 years, physically: i've only been physically abused by my mom and her boyfreind a few times and thats happen within the past like 2 years and the worst thats happened probably was when my moms boyfreind threw me against the wall and grabbed me and dragged me back into the house and my mom was like grabbing me and digging her fingernails in my skin and i got a big scratch on my face and some on my arms and my arm was bruised, and one time when i was arguing w/ my dad i like hit him and then he grabbed me and like flipped me over onto the floor and left the room.

*How has the abuse affected your life?* well i dont live w/ my mom anymore, but everytime i talk to her or see her i still get verbally abused and it sucks, and at home my dad is always putting me down. i'm just a really depressed person from it i guess

*What have been the negative affects?* i dont see my mom that often and whenever i see her and her boyfreind i am worried that something bad might happen, and w/ my dad im just scared to make him too mad b/c when he gets angry its scary.



i know that i haven't been as badly phsycially abused as much as alot of the people in here but i've been so verbally abused it hurts and i figured verbal abuse would count here and being phsycially hurt a couple times too.

*Name* Jahala
*Age* 19
*Location* Seattle, WA
*Who is your abuser* My mother, my best friends father, and many others.
*How long were you abused* I´m not entirely sure. My mother started abusing me at a very young age. I was first raped at the age of about three and I was a child prostitute for many years. Up till about the age of eight or so I think. I still am in the process of recovering memories.
*How has the abuse affected your life?* It created a lack of trust and believing that there was no such thing as true love for a very long time. It caused me to repress my emotions. But I think it has made me stronger as well. I have survived and will continue to do so.
*What have been the nagative affects?* Already listed above. There´s more but they aren´t coming to mind right now.

My name is Dana. Im 24 years old, and I live in NY. Ive belonged to this community for a little while, but it wasnt until recently that I felt able to post my experiences here. This entry is X-posted on my journal as well. I purged my entire story on my journal, and I felt as though it might also be helpful to share it here.

My story is very intense, so those who are easily triggered, I suggest you pass up on this one... Thank you.

( My Tale. May TriggerCollapse )

my name is crystin.

*Name* crystin
*Age*21
*Location* denver
*Who is your abuser* everyone in my family. i have a very abusive family.
*How long were you abused* i don't know forever i guess.

more when i have the time to make a good post.

You don't really have to comment, just join!