Fallen angel looking for heaven

Ben and I got married the 24 of july....the weekend before my brother's wedding.
yea, im not sure if i wrote that last time.
alot of shit went down with that.
we went to canada and told adrien and rhiann. I didnt want to but ben wanted to so he told them. we went out to dinner and he toasted them to their wedding in 2 weeks, they drank, then he raised his glass to my brother and said, "oh, and uhh, adien...your probibly going to stab me in the face for this but, your sister is probibly about 8 weeks pregnant."
Adrien grinned and laughed, rhiann tripped out and was really happy. i cried tears of releif and happiness that they were happy for us. Rhiann didnt believe me so we went out after dinner and got a prego test and it tested positive.
F.Y.I...if you ever go to get a test get clear blue, it rocks. its like a digital screen. its sweet!
anywho, we came home sunday and decided to have a civil service sunday so that i could have benifits for the baby and me.
I made the mistake of telling mom about us haveing it in the back yard on the deck and inviting close family. i told her it was going to be a casual thing, plane street clothes and i figured adrien would be comeing down for his bachelor party and rhiann would come with him so...
well i guess mom was pissed i was prego and getting married...(honestly, does anyone understand that i was raised with the belief that if a guy got u prego by accident he was to take care of you? and i knew i was going to marry him and he to marry me. hello, health care isnt free in this country and they will hunt ur ass down....)
anyway....mom called adrien and rhiann all flustered and left a message at 4 am and they called us at like 9 bitching and bitching about how it was disrespectful and selfish for us to do this before they got married...bla bla bla....i was alseep mostly so i only know it made me so upset that the baby started hurting...fun. rhiann got done and adrien got on the phone and bitched me out. ben got pissed that i was on the phone and wouldnt hang up so he could go back to sleep and left the room. got done being bitched at and tried to explain it wasnt a big deal and all.
long story short, mom had told them it was a big deal thing and that they had to bring appropriate clothes and sorry about the short notice but they have to be here for our WEDDING. she made it sound like a huge wedding we've been planning for weeks and hadnt told anyone. we just planned this wed. and it was just ben, me, the person marrying us in our back yard. the only people (i told mom) that were to be dressed up were ben and i.
so straightened that all out and mom was pissed cause its all fine now.
so.
i was pissed at her cause of all that and told her if she doesnt know exactly whats going on to call me.
i told her screw it, were just going to go to the lady's house whos marrying us and do it there...2 witnesses and thats it. i was going to talk to the lady and see if i could have 3 cuase the parents.
fuckin...my mom called ben's parents at 11 pm and went on pitty partying about how shes not going to be a witness and that its not fair bla bla bla. ben's mom calls us at 5 am, pissed and worried as to why mom my wouldnt be allowed to witness us getting marryed.
after giving my mom the worst tounge lashing of my life and calling her everything but a white woman i think she got my point not to do shit like that and to come to me for questions. that or she'll just keep on.

so ben and i did the civil service, averting disaster, ariving late, and with 5 witnesses instead of 3 we got it over with. the party after was fucking nuts. ben's parents went overboard on the cake, mom and everyone from canada were complaining about how were not introducing people while in the same breath bitching that they're hungry and have to leave soon and hurry up with the food. so i told them in fewer word 'god gave you a mouth, legs and hands, get off your lazy ass's, walk out there shake some hands and introduce yourselves while ben and i make food for you before you leave.
fuck!
thats right! (the baby just kicked a little, so friggin cool! it said "thats right bitches!!!")
after everyone but my dad, nelly (my step mom), and kelly (my cousin) left ben snuck upstairs and fell asleep. bastard. its ok, they all kinda senced i was getting tired and they had to leave kinda early anyway.

after that weekend we went to canada again for adriens wedding. long story short, i was exhausted from the pregnancy, insomnia because of it, hungry cuase i cant eat as much anymore, and irritable becuase of all of the above and growing pains too.
the weekend was a disaster in a nutshell.
everyone, from ohio anyway, was tired, hungry, and exhausted from being stuck in the car for 4-5 hours and were up sence the day before from working all night so erik and ben had been up sence 4 in the afternoon and i had been up sence 8 in the morning, so by the time we started to leave for canada i had been up for 24 hours already. 10 at night at rhiann's parents we finally ate.
i got yelled at for not only getting a small sandwich to hold me over but also for falling asleep on the couch in the basement cause i didnt feel good. i thought it was kinda funny that i was getting woken up about the same time terra was falling asleep (terra is rhiann's cousins g/f.)
i left without saying goodbye to anyone.
i slept like a rock and felt like a zombie the next morning. i told ben when i woke up "i dont care who calls me what anymore, when im hungry, were leaving to eat no matter who has plans for what wherever. if im tired im going to sleep, in a car, going back to the condo, whatever. i will be a bitch cuase i dont want to feel like i did yesterday."
my stomach was burning. i had no idea if something was wrong, i was in a foregn country, no clue where a healthcare place was.

other than that half of the wedding party was sick. they expected everyone to stay up till 2 am and everyone had got up at like 6 am. i left at like 12 cuase rhiann's mom was talking shit again and i didnt feel like taking it.

other than that its alright.

tired now

ttyl

Fallen Sparow

...I took a test and it was positive!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

k so i have to tell you all whats going on sence then cause alots happened.

so i tested saturday morning and completely didnt believe it, i had to turn the light on and rub my eyes like 3 itmes. crawled back in bed with ben and told him while he was half asleep. he rolled over, smiled, and said "mmmm, hmmmm!" he wrapped his arms around me and we cuddled and talked about how exciting it was and what we were going to do.
obviously we are going to get married but i asked him to talk to his bennifits person at work to see the the insurence company ben has can say 'its a pre-existing condition and we cant cover her'.
were trying to get our marrage license tomaro so we can get married sunday. i wanted to have a little, casual service in the back yard but mom made it out to be this huge formal thing out to adrien and rhiann and they called all pissed off and got ben all riled up and now he doesnt want to be the best man in their wedding on the 30th. yea, this 30th. soooooooo...after all that mess adrien is going to appologize, he wants to come down for his bachelor party.
ive been looking it up online tho and i think there is a 5 day waiting period which sux and would screw the whole plan up.

we're going to the court house tomaro morning to get the licence, when i called a couple of days ago the lady said we could get it same day so i dont know whats going on.

ill update more later, im kinda tired, i was up kinda late last night with growing pains.
fun fun!


Fallen Sparow

so ive had alot of weird things happen to my body lately.
nothing has changed other than im working out front with the guests now and i love it. im not stressed or anything so...im about 90% sure i know whats happening, im just in denial...although it would be cool. ill tell you at the end what i think it is.

ive had indigestion like a mo-fo. some headaches, not alot. im not sleeping well. strange appetite ( pickles and ranch with bacon bits, lots of mac and cheese...with catsup..yuck!, hot pockets with ranch.) just this past week ive had abdominal cramps like i have gas or im constipated. peeing alot...well, alot like i go to the bathroom cuase it feels like niagra falls is about to break loose and all that comes out is a couple of drops. (i think you already might have guessed it.)

if you havent guessed, ive looked this stuff up and all signes point that im between 6 and 8 weeks pregnant. shhhhh, dont tell my family.

bens pumped which is good. im happy and all kinds of excited, im just worried about the getting it out of me part. ive talked with him alot and were both on the same page. we know its early to have a kid but both of us have been wanting to, we both know the other would make a great support system and parent, and most important, we both love eachother enough to know we are going to have to share time to make the child be number one.

ive already talked to my mom and told her my syspicions and shes hoping its not because she knows how my family will react. bens already told all of his family, he went to kentucky this weekend and everyone was really excited but they were adiment on the fact that we need to get married, like, this week.

were going to call the justice of the peace tomaro and see how soon they can fit us in. im worried ben's insurence wont cover me because its a pre-existing condition.
we'll see how it turnes out.
all else failes, there are worse things than an unpaid doctors bill, like, someone who saps the government of money by sitting on their ass and getting knocked up by some one so they can collect that money too.
at least im trying.

aside from what people call 'mild discomfort' (mild my ass), im perfectly content.
i have everything ive ever wanted, faster than i imagined id get it. im living the fairy tale i never thought i deserved.

im scared tho. im scared ill have an anxiety attack during delivery or something. that my iron will have a factor with the birth. that there are going to be like 20 people in the delivery room all stairing at my crotch.

after we see the doctor tho all those worries will be put to rest, and i know ben's never seen me have one but if he can help me control my breathing i know i can work through the delivery without an anxiety attack. that and if he keeps my focus ill be fine.

other than that i need to plan a low budget wedding...soon, try to hide my growing belly from my family till after that low budget wedding, find a place that does water births, and try to keep from going insane with the growing pains and ben telling me im not allowed to take anything.

grrrrr...i feel like im 15 again, its kinda sexy tho, when he tells me what to do. heheheheee.
anyway.
had the best sex of my life today when he got home.
he was in kentucky for 4 days, left sunday came home today. so good. sometimes i want to get away from him for like a week and come back just to have lovin like that. i miss him to much tho.

k, ima warm up a glass of milk, cuase thats what the site said to do to fight insamnia, and try to get some shut eye.

ima be so happy if i am prego.

Fallen Sparow

so ive been having weird symptoms lately. im not sure whats going on but after its over ill let everyone know if im alright or if im happily screwed.

i have to get my wisdom teeth removed soon. they huuuuuuuuuuuurt so bad.

work was busy.
tired.
hungry.
sleepy.
tired of bullshit with the past.

Fallen Sparow

I'm kinda horney.
ben needs to get home so I can violate him.

So the last two days I havent worked in the kitchen, im working out front assisting guests with their purchases.
DAVE AND BUSTERS ROX ASS!!!!
totally lovin it.
its so easy, selling power cards, renting billiards tables, shuffle board tables, snooker tables...and getting paid to be nice.

my new baby kitty is so affectionate. he just laid down on my boobies and is rubbing faces with me and purrrring his head off.
when we first got our other kitty we got a collar for her so if she accidentally got out she had a collar and could be identified. well she hated it and freaked out everytime we put it on her.
I put it on him today and he doesnt really care. he so much more laid back and affectionate than she is.

ben wants to do something special for me this weekend cause its the first saturday and sunday ive had off in a looooong time. i do need the money but id like to have a couple days off, ya know.

I have to get my sidom teeth removed when my insurence through work kicks in. they are fucking up my ears.
Yea, i waited in the waiting room for an hour and a half so i could talk to my doctor for 10 minutes and have him tell me i dont have a cold, its my wisdom teeth. fuckin waste of money and life.

The kitty, shes so funny, shes playing fetch with me right now.
she sure does love her milk rings.

Dude! i got this huge kitty condo off of ebay the other day. it mounts to the celing for support so it doesnt fall over. thats how big it is.
i dont know how to put pictures on here so ill just put the hotlink.

I think judging by how i treat the kitties, I'ma be a great mom!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.d…



Fallen Sparow

The Land of Tibbetts

Once upon a time, when no one was old,
there existed a land (or so I've been told);
a land like no other with fruit on all trees,
with no locks on the doors - for no one had keys.
Where rainbows and sunshine
was always the weather
and people were friends
and friends stood together.
Where kittens could talk
and mountains could sing,
and if you just closed your eyes
you might find yourself King.
No laws on this land
for who needed rules?
you lived right next door,
so you shared all your tools.
You worked very hard
but laughed most of the time.
In most stories you told
you attempted to rhyme.
Now, rich people were rare,
but poor people not around -
and sadness was lost
and happy was found.
A wonderful place to live
(If you could)
and never to leave,
for whoever would?
This land was called Tibbetts
but no one was really sure why,
and it still would be there,
if no one learned how to lie.
Oh, I forgot just one thing,
as I was talking before -
a simple mistake,
I'll likely make more -
One law did exist,
but they only had one;
never got in the way
or prevented much fun.
But nevertheless
there was a big sign
that stood ninety feet high
and was carved out of pine.
It stood to ensure
that all people should know
that one law would protect
and conquer each foe.
The law was quite simple,
and written in red;
it stood in the center
and here's what it said:
"From the day that you're born
till the day that you die
the only law here
is never to lie.
For lies are the ruin
of wonderful men,
if you do it just once
you'll do it again.
Little lies hurt but larger lies break,
so let's end it right here
for all peoples' sake;
and watch your life will be rich,
and happy you'll be,
with gifts from each other and wonders to see."

Thats the name of our newest addition to the family.
Trouble is the new baby kitty. of course we still call alexia, kitty.
hes so cute and ben is in love with him. he thinks he is the cutest thing sence pockets.
hes 12 weeks old, i took the cutest pic tonight and when they are developed ill put them on here...provided someone tell me how.....thnx whoever.

today at work was weird. the day started good but i was a little tired when i woke up. instead of wasting my time in laundry, they had me help on the banquet line a little.
My new boss, guy garcia, is the fucking shit. hes so level headed. i came into work today after avoiding witnessing a love triangle in the action. i dont get what compells people to do that...anywho, i asked guy why and how ppl could do that and we had a huge conversation about it. he couldnt understand it either. we talk all the time, its so cool to have a boss you can talk to and be friends with. all my other bosses were mean or distant.

before he left he was telling me about his daughter comeing to visit him for a little and finishing school and stuff and he just kept going on about her. i was so jelous that he was all for his daughter and my dad, well, isnt.
today was just a 'dad' day.
we have a manager whos son is like, just shy or just over one year old. hes had heart problems sence he was born and just got out of his like, 3rd heart sergery.
i couldnt grasp how my manager could still contain his sanity in that situation.
it puts into play that my dad takes me for granted, my manager barly has a son and he loves every bit of him.
there were so many other things that reminded me of my dad today and i almost broke down and cried today at work cause of it.
i was just angry, and jelous, and sad. i dont know.
i got home and it was so good to have ben hold me. i hate when i cry when he holds me and doesnt know cause he gets like...loudish-upset. hes like "faaaaaaaack, why are you crying...gez".
he doesnt get i just want him to say it'll be ok. thats it. even if its not going to be or if he doesnt know. thats it.

*sigh*

well its time for bed. i gatta work at 5 and we have to go shopping tomaro.
yay.

Fallen Sparow

so ive done just about everything i can do to clean the house...besides sweep, i dont want to sweep, not today. i cleaned the litter box....OH YEA! ben wants to get another kitten! i was talking to kelly my cousin, and she said she knows this lady that has a month old kitten, shes bottle feeding it and it doesnt have a tail. ben wants it so he can call it stumpy, rrr, stump....sir stumps alot or something like that.

dude!!!
lifewarped: for exaple witnesses CANT learn ANYTHING about anyone else religon
lifewarped: its agaist theirs
best way to get them off ur portch, talk about buddah or some other god!
jp

Fallen Sparow

Alexia is my kitty and she goes by kitty. i found out today she likes avacado's.
strange.
all the animals ive had through all my life ive never had a normal animal, but ive been blessed with these animals.

Fallen Sparow

I think ive been away from people to long. i think im starting to go crazy, maybe its just my hormones but i dont know. my cousin came to stay with ben and i for a few days and when she went to leave i almost cried.
everything seems so strange to, like certain things that were very familiar to me and had a certain feel to them, like a song...they feel a little different now. its so incredibly hard to explain and i dont know when or how things changed and it scares me a little. i dont know if its cause im growing up or if my perception is changing cause im goin nuts or what.

i dont know, all i know is that im happy. i know that this changing of things doesnt bother me, i just never knew you could change the way you feel about something and not know you changed.

is it weird to feel the need to just sit down and cry every now and then?
is it healthy to be happy and fine for a couple of weeks and sad the next couple?
could i just be applying more pressure on these issues because i dont want to deal with the issue of my gram in the hospital or adrien getting married or all of that?

most important...HAS ANYONE EVER FELT LIKE THIS?!?!?!
i could use your advice.
ill talk to everyone later.
thnx for ur help if you do help.

Fallen Sparow