at a starbucks on harbor street in costa mesa near newport...and i have piss and vinegar on the brain.....i am sour....tense.....kinda hung over.....and some goddamned jamaican fellow is telling me through the speakers above that i got to lively up myself.......
i am upset over the fucking girlfriend.....which seems to be a theme recurring...we had not seen one another for more than a week and i dropped by her new place yesterday to surprise her.....i stood outside and called her on the phone...she answered lazily....told me that she was gonna make today a lazy day..then i knocked on her door...she seemed surprised that that someone was there but not happy at all or at least pleased to see me...
i stepped through the doorway and she gave me a swift hug, i told her i needed the parking pass to put in my car..that i would only be there for a bit.....and she gave me her keys to get it.......when i came back in she was in the kitchen cleaning, putterin...i went into the kitchen and put my arms out...she looked at me then came into me, i rubbed her back and gave her a big hug....and she patted my back a few times...i felt like i was a puppy or a four year old.... then she went back to puttering...i took a rag out of her hand and said "sweetheart..i am here to see you..." she grabbed it back and said i just need to clean up a bit.....i went into the dining room and she came too..i pointed towards the couch and said, let's relax....she sighed and pulled out a dining room chair and said, sit here....and she pulled up a chair...i moved my chair real close to her and started rubbing her legs....her arms...i was thrilled to see her, i wanted closeness....after a while she was not reciprocating so i moved my chair back....
i said "do you want to cuddle and she she breathed deeply then sighed then looked at me, with nothing in her eyes really...and said..i do and i don't........she said "i need to go get some groceries and stuff"...i looked at her.......and said.."you told me earlier you just wanted to make today a lazy day...here i am and i want to spend some time with you...."...she sighed and reiterated that she needed to go get groceries....she asked if i wanted to go with her and the kids to get groceries and i said no...i wanted time with just her, relaxing....
she looked at me, then started fidgeting with something....i took it out of her hands....she looked at me...i said.."alright...i'm gonna go"...she said "come on david don't start this again"......and i said "no...i wanted some david and diana time and you keep bringing up things you have to do which you know you could do a little later....and you are just choosing not to spend your time with me, now i am going to get your car pass.....let me know when you have time for me.."...i got the pass, brought it back in, put it on the table in front of her..her head was in her hands.....and i left....."..oh i was in a sour sour mood..
the first thing i wanted to do was go home and drink some beer and whiskey,,and i did..a little too much...later on ...maybe an hour after i left her i noticed she posted some random question on a picture i had posted the previous day....and that made me angrier.....that she could not hang out with me because she had things to do, and yet here she was on facebook.......it just does not add up... not that i am a mathematician but..i like things in matters of the heart to add up....
i am upset over the fucking girlfriend.....which seems to be a theme recurring...we had not seen one another for more than a week and i dropped by her new place yesterday to surprise her.....i stood outside and called her on the phone...she answered lazily....told me that she was gonna make today a lazy day..then i knocked on her door...she seemed surprised that that someone was there but not happy at all or at least pleased to see me...
i stepped through the doorway and she gave me a swift hug, i told her i needed the parking pass to put in my car..that i would only be there for a bit.....and she gave me her keys to get it.......when i came back in she was in the kitchen cleaning, putterin...i went into the kitchen and put my arms out...she looked at me then came into me, i rubbed her back and gave her a big hug....and she patted my back a few times...i felt like i was a puppy or a four year old.... then she went back to puttering...i took a rag out of her hand and said "sweetheart..i am here to see you..." she grabbed it back and said i just need to clean up a bit.....i went into the dining room and she came too..i pointed towards the couch and said, let's relax....she sighed and pulled out a dining room chair and said, sit here....and she pulled up a chair...i moved my chair real close to her and started rubbing her legs....her arms...i was thrilled to see her, i wanted closeness....after a while she was not reciprocating so i moved my chair back....
i said "do you want to cuddle and she she breathed deeply then sighed then looked at me, with nothing in her eyes really...and said..i do and i don't........she said "i need to go get some groceries and stuff"...i looked at her.......and said.."you told me earlier you just wanted to make today a lazy day...here i am and i want to spend some time with you...."...she sighed and reiterated that she needed to go get groceries....she asked if i wanted to go with her and the kids to get groceries and i said no...i wanted time with just her, relaxing....
she looked at me, then started fidgeting with something....i took it out of her hands....she looked at me...i said.."alright...i'm gonna go"...she said "come on david don't start this again"......and i said "no...i wanted some david and diana time and you keep bringing up things you have to do which you know you could do a little later....and you are just choosing not to spend your time with me, now i am going to get your car pass.....let me know when you have time for me.."...i got the pass, brought it back in, put it on the table in front of her..her head was in her hands.....and i left....."..oh i was in a sour sour mood..
the first thing i wanted to do was go home and drink some beer and whiskey,,and i did..a little too much...later on ...maybe an hour after i left her i noticed she posted some random question on a picture i had posted the previous day....and that made me angrier.....that she could not hang out with me because she had things to do, and yet here she was on facebook.......it just does not add up... not that i am a mathematician but..i like things in matters of the heart to add up....