If none of the below applies to you, you are more than welcome to add me.
I. Your master plan is to ask me to ask me for a layout or graphics. If you need help see the communities and links under "Resources 101" - that's about as much help as you're going to get from me.
II. You have children and the vast majority of your posts revolve around what and how much your child ate or defecated. I don't want to hear it and I suggest you go find yourself a hobby or see a psychiatrist. Obsessing over your children isn't healthy.
III. You are severely FUCKED IN THE HEAD. I'm sorry, but I've reached my quota of people with severe mental health problems in my personal life.
IV. You have been described as 'intellectually bankrupt' or 'Juggalo/lette'. (In reality there isn't much difference between the two, but I thought I'd clarify.)
ABOUT ME
I dislike trying to sell myself. If you've made it this far you can already tell I'm an asshole.
the_lj_reboot Has an excellent, easy to understand CSS based layout tutorial up for you beginners. Community also hosts a layout 'reveal' to show off your hard work.
WEBSITES PHOTOSHOP CS2 Learn it, love it, live it. Do it your-fucking-self.