Absolutely Not Ewan McGregor

Title: Fourteen
Author: kyuuketsukirui
Fandom: The Establishment & Chiaroscuro (RPS)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Underaged sex (between two minors, is this still chan? whatever)
Disclaimer: So. Not. Real.
Notes: I wanted to write a fic that sort of compared and contrasted Est!Ewan and Chiaroscuro!Ewan and this is the result. There are two separate, parallel fics, one for each universe. I had this idea before this challenge was introduced, but it fit so perfectly, I wanted to finish it up in time (as it turned out, I'm a couple days late, but still).
Feedback: Yes, please. Constructive criticism welcome as well.

( The Establishment VersionCollapse )

( The Chiaroscuro VersionCollapse )

How did you lose your virginity?

What do you mean by that exactly? The first time I went down on anyone, I was fourteen. We were in the toilets after school and I came in my pants whilst sucking him off. Does that count?

If not, first time I got fucked was maybe a year later. Different guy. I'd gone to a club with some of my mates, only one of whom was legal at the time. It was all very exciting, you know. And I ended up copping off with this bloke who seemed very grown up to fifteen, but in hindsight, he was just a kid, too. Probably not even twenty. We went back to his and I ended up staying the night because I couldn't very well go home then, and couldn't really go back to my mate's house, either, where I was supposed to be staying the night. Wasn't so bad, the staying. He fucked me again in the morning and gave me his number. I gave him a fake one.

The one and only time I was with a bird, I was sixteen. I did it because I wanted to see if I was missing out on anything. I wasn't. Nothing against women, they just don't do anything for me.

So take your choice which was losing my virginity. First time I did something sexual with someone else, first time I got fucked, or first time I fucked someone. I tend to think it's the first, but whatever works for you.

[Fandom: The Establishment]

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I'm not sure. Do I? I've ever only been in love with one person and it took me a couple years to realise it. Took him a decade longer, but that's neither here nor there. When I met him, I didn't...it wasn't like I looked into his eyes and we were soulmates or anything like that. I liked him. We got on right away. We got on brilliantly. Best mates at first sight, maybe. And I went home that night and jerked off thinking about him, yeah. But is that love? I'd wanked to thoughts of plenty of other blokes before and I didn't love any of them. Some of them I didn't even know. I don't think I loved him then. But I liked him more than anyone I'd ever met.

What is love anyway? One night I looked at him and all at once realised he wasn't just my best mate anymore; he meant more to me than that. But it didn't happen in that instant. It happened sometime when I didn't notice. It crept up on me and then once I knew it, I couldn't un-know it no matter how hard I tried. So maybe I did love him in the beginning and just didn't realise it.

So...maybe yeah. I guess it's possible. Maybe some people are just thicker than others so it takes them longer to figure it out.

[Fandom: The Establishment]

Is there ever a good reason to get blind drunk?

To dull the pain. To try and forget about everything. Because sometimes it's just too fucking hard to function and you don't want to give the universe the satisfaction of ending it. Because it makes it easier. Easier to tell them all to fuck off. Easier to stand it when they're kicking you in the gut because you've got this idea in your head that if you hurt enough on the outside, it'll somehow distract from the other hurt that's always there, but that's so fucked up even you know it won't work, but still you do it. Easier to bear it when he's gone. Easier to bear it when he's with you.

Fuck if I know.

[Fandom: Chiaroscuro]

[continued from here]

How's this, then?

*it's a small room with a sofa and bed and mini fridge full of beer*

*sits cross legged on the bed and pats a spot next to him, smiling* Better?

What is your New Year's Resolution?

I don’t usually make resolutions. It’s always stuff you don’t want to do and that’s why you’re waiting until the new year rolls around to grudgingly make a list instead of just doing it right now. Call your mum, stop smoking, lose weight. That’s the sort of things people always say, isn’t it? But it’s always only because you think you should and that’s why no one ever follows through with them.

I could say this year I want to try and talk more, like talk talking. But I think I’ve been doing a better job of that already, I really do, so it’s not a New Year’s Resolution; it’s just something I’ve been doing and will continue to work at. Jude needs to listen better, though, for all he always tells me he wants us to talk more.

[Fandom: The Establishment]

[continued from here]

Bale: *flushed* Wanna go somewhere more... Private?

Ewan: Yeah, all right. *grins* How about my place?

*back at Ewan's* So...want a beer?

Do you feel that you were born with a predetermined role in society? If so, how do you feel about it?

Predestination? What kind of shite is that? You think I’m going to say, yeah I was predestined to be where I am now? No way. I worked my arse off to get where I am. I’m not going to let some fucking predestination crap take credit for that.

Was I predestined to be an actor? No. I think I would have always loved the things I love about acting, and always hated school and sport and I don’t think I’d have ever been happy as some straight laced businessman, but I might’ve done it if I had to. If there were no other choice. But I did have a choice, and I chose to live my live the way I wanted to.

And if I were some nobody, if I never got a decent role no matter how hard I tried, well then I wouldn’t sit in the corner and cry and say it was my destiny either. I’d fucking just keep trying harder. I’d fucking suck the cock of the sleaziest director I knew if it’d get me a role where I could prove myself. Making it in this business takes more than talent, it’s bloody hard work and you’re mad if you think I’m giving credit to anyone but myself.

[Fandom: Chiaroscuro]

So what is this place anyway? I'm confused. Confused, but well shagged. Very, very well shagged.

Anyway, it's quite odd. I've seen just about every major character I've played, but they're not characters, they're real. Or as real as I am anyway, however real that is. It's all beginning to make my head spin.

And I miss Jude.

Hullo. *grins* I'm Ewan. Nice to meet you and all that.

So...another journalling system, eh? Can't say as I'm all that keen on journals, but here I am anyway. There's actually two of me. There's the me me, the one that's writing this, and then there's the evil me. If I'm evil me (which isn't really me at all, I mean, it's not like some sort of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde thing, you know) I'll be using this icon here:



Otherwise I'll be using the icon I'm using now. Happy, smiling, not a care in the world. That's me.

Actually, I'm terribly insecure and have nearly as many issues as the evil me (who's not really so much evil as he is really angry and unhappy, but evil is shorter to type), but I don't like to talk about that.

Anyway, um...what was I saying? Erm...well, I can't think of anything else.

( But wait, there's more!Collapse )