State of Me: I am...doing okay. I got through the fourth anniversary of my dad's death relatively unscathed. School is about to turn into hell until we get through the exams in early June. I'm beating myself up about not writing a lot, so I'm trying to be better about that. I'm not really very good at communicating right now, but I love being talked to, so if you want me, DMing me on Twitter is probably the best way to get me.
State of Me: Things leveled out? I do not feel actively unhinged anymore, so that's positive. Winters are always a hard time for me; I drag. So I've been giving myself permission to take things easy, to take days off from tags, that sort of thing. I think it's going well! ALSO, the maternity cover that I was doing at work finished TODAY, so that's a weight off, too. And I'm getting closer and closer to getting married, which is both delightful and terrifying.
The Future: I think I'm finally, after years of talking about it, going to commit and put Paul Schafer/Pwyll Twiceborn from the Fionavar Tapestry on reserve. I love him, okay? Wounded, Canadian, avatar of the Thunder God? Ben Barne's face? What's not to like?
State of Me: So my mental health took a MAJOR dive in the latter half of last half term, to the point where I had to go through a risk assessment at work. So. That was awesome? On the plus side, I think the drops that I made were the right choice and I feel WAY more connected to the game than I did the last time I wrote one of these, which is DEFINITELY a good sign. I am trying so, so hard, guys.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES, I'm ready to consider having a queue again! Right now, I'm torn between Paul Schafer from The Fionavar Tapestry (avatar of a god, heartbroken, loyal and sad and clever) and Jake Portman from The Peculiar Children books (peculiar, brave, total disregard for personal safety) and Andrea Quill/Andra'ath who I thought was absolutely the best part of Class (alien, warrior, War Itself</i>.
So basically, if you have thoughts on this, you should definitely help me decide!
State of Me: I'm feeling a little bit...disconnected at the moment. I've got a lot of threads, and they're awesome, but they're mostly private. At some point, I think I consciously stopped making reqs so that I couldn't app and I had a really rough summer where my creativity was concerned and I don't think I ever really managed to get myself on track. So my aim for the winter is to reestablish the characters I'm playing, get back into the game with the ones I'm neglecting and then, maybe, I can think about apping again some time in the Spring.
I've decided not to do Yuletide this year and...I'm pretty okay with it, I think. I just remember the whole process not really being fun for me last year - I had to scramble a lot, I felt pretty disaffected. I have no real attachment to any fandoms anymore so it seems like now might be the time to bow out. However, I've done every yuletide since, like...I don't know when, so...
It's a big change.
We're in the midst of wedding plan which is both strange and exciting. At the moment, we're trying to do the entire wedding for around £2000. My dress has been bought, both venues are paid for, we've got a band sorted, so things are falling into place. I was doing some costing for our honeymoon earlier (We're planning on two weeks in Vietnam) and that looks like it's going to cost about £3000 for flights and hotels, so...pretty cheap wedding all in? Basically I'm already over the process of wedding planning and I just want to get married now, please.
Prozac has kicked in, so I'm on a much more even keel. This was the first time I'd ever had a doctor tell me off for coming on and off medication, refer to my depression as a disability that needs management. To hear it talked about in those terms was actually...extremely comforting.
I don't know. Sometimes it's nice to get permission to not be amazing all the time.
State of Me: SO since the last time I did this, I got back on Prozac! So that's exciting. Right now, my mental health means I am exhausted a LOT and I'm unreliable, a little, and I get overwhelmed by my inbox a lot. So, if I drop a thread and you would rather I didn't, please tell me, and I'll tag it again! I am trying to manage self care and not making myself tag if I don't want to, which means it's kind of an all or nothing deal atm. Drugs will kick in soon, and hopefully I will level out. And it's only four weeks until the summer holidays and six glorious weeks off, so! Yes!
State of Me: I'm good! I am into the last term of my first year of the job I started in September and it's...still pretty good! I get tired a lot, and I'm basically working six days a week still, which sucks, but I have plenty of time to tag at the pace I prefer to. I'd still like to keep my roster to a manageable size, though. I'm up to five pups, and that feels totally doable, but I need to be careful as I start to move forward, I think. I know what I'm like. Last week, I interviewed for a promotion at work. It's only a maternity cover, so it's a limited term, but it's going to come with a MUCH increased work/stressload so I really need to play it by ear until I see how that feels.
I'm...okay! March is a hard month for me, with the anniversary of my father's (relatively sudden) death. On top of that, I had some genuinely horrendous health this month - my first bout of flu since I was thirteen, followed by a sickness bug (one of the benefits of being a teacher) that left me feeling like I'd been mugged. I've also been struggling a LOT with my social anxiety this month which has made tagging/chatting difficult. Still! I think I am on top of it now! I am sorry if my rambling got on anyone's nerves. ALSO, please don't take it personally if I act like I'm worried I've upset you. I'm pretty much always worried I've upset everyone all the time. It's my state of being.
