Essie

Okay, So I know I dropped off the map for a while. a LONG while. And a lot of things have changed, but stayed the same. I still weigh the same weight, I still control my food intake, i still care and crave the feeling of nothingness. But I went through a huge recovery phase, I caught myself eating real meals and feeling full and at the time, I was happy. But that only lasted for a short while. I had to change. So here I am. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would get skinny. I don't break my promises. So here are my new rules...

1. Always eat breakfast 
2. Watch a thinspo video first thing in the morning and just before dinner 
3. Drink a bottle of water before every meal 
4. No more snacks, food is limited
5. Only ever eat in front of other people
6. No eating after 7oClock 
7. No more binging 
8. Excersise 45 min. everyday
9. Only eat in samll amounts
10. 50 sit ups/crunches/push ups everyday
12. Every other day do a work out video
13. Weight myself first thing in the morning
14. Start using my food diary again to keep track
15. 1 multivitamin, 1 diet pill everyday
16. At least 3 portions of fruit everyday
17. Less than 500 calories daily
18. Become skinny :)

Today: I have had a bit of watermelon. IDK how many calories, but watermelon is one of those A-OK foods.

I'm good in a happy way.

Thinspo:




Have a good day.

It feels like it’s been forever since I was last on here. So many things have changed. I started the new school year feeling confident and strong in my abilities and had this whole big dream of being 120 and happy and thin and have perfect teeth and a great smile and outlook on life.

 

But that’s not real, that’s not how things really work out here in the real world. I now weigh 150 pounds and feel so ugly. I feel like evey wall I put up and every technique I used to use to help fast have all fallen down and disappeared and the pieces are to small and two lost to ever put them back together the way they were before.

 

So now, I find myself picking up the pieces and it feels like building a broken relationship back together, relapsing. But at the same time it feels exhilerating and amazing and carefree and breathless to just be FREE. Free from chains of other people’s expectaions and to just resist. So now, I’m preparing to just go with the flow and be free. This is a new start, a new day, a new song sung in the dark with tears and fears and hopes and dreams all running wild.

 

Hey, it’s been a while since I just rammbled, so I figured I would today. it's 2:36 in the fuckin mornign, and i'm just searching for some thinspo. Not those models who have been photoshoped hundreds of times so you can't see their ribs peeking out or anything real, I wanted to see actual skinny people. ribs and bones, and the works. and i found some really good real girl thinspo, so i'm happy. I'll put soem in later in the morning, or now idk at the moment.
So recently, i had this really great idea, to be precise, it was 12:47am today while i was trying to fall asleep. (Don't ask me why i can't remeber to do my algebra homework, but i can remeber endless amounts of calories and the exact time a good idea poped into my head because i don't know why!) So anyway this great idea was that I would put a post it note on the fridge, or a cuboard or somewhere where I usually go looking for food. And after i take food out to eat i have to write what i took, and how many calories. Having to do something like that would quickly ruin my apitite, so i probably won't eat. Then, i have this shoebox under my bed, it's empty, and i cut  hole in the top big enough for change to fit through. And here's the fabulous part... I will put a post-it not on the shoebox over the hole where the change fits through. Then i put a post-it note on the cuboard/fridge/pantry. on the post-it on the box i write what i am allowed to eat for dinner lunch and breakfast. For me, i am allowed to eat salad(1/2 cup chopped up romaine, plain no dressing- 5-11 calories) for lunch and dinner, and half of one lunch for breakfast. so i write out what I should eat and the total of the calorie intake for the day if i stay on track. Everytime i eat something, i write it on the cupboard/fridge/pantry post-it. At the end of the day, if they match up(or if the cupboard/fridge/pantry has less calories/food on it) i reward myself with putting 10 cents, or a dollar if you are rich. Then, at the end of the month, I calculate how much money i have in there. For a good typical month I should have 3 dollars(or 30 if you are rich). When you have enough saved up, you will buy yourself a new pair of jeans cause you will be 1-2 sizes smaller.
Note: on the box there will also me a makeshift calendar post it of all the days i did good and bad. good= :) bad= :( on the calendar. 
I think it's a really good idea and good motovation if anyone wants to try. i haven't tried it yet, like i said it's a fairly new idea, only 3 hours old. 
Essie

Thinspo #2
 

            Hey! Sorry I haven't posted any thinpso in a long while, Oficially, today is my first day off of school and I haven't eaten anything. But that's not saying much because it's only 9:30 so, let me rephrase: I haven't eaten anything for the Hour and half I've been up.  Anyways I feel really bad that I haven't posted anything because I know I always do better restricting when I have posted thinspo. 
           Well, Anyways. It's the First Day of Summer Vay-cay, and i have the whole day ahead of me to mess up or to make it a great day. I've decided to make it a great day by restrcicting my diet to letuce which has only like 5 cals per cup! and water! so basically when I eat at 1:00 I will have only had 5 cals for the day and at night? when my parents sit down for dinner? "oh, yeah I already had last night's leftovers." "okay hon"-My mom. 
           I also have decided to make it a great day by posting some thinspo, tanning, and painting my nails. Blue? Red? or Pink? idk which one, but I WILL paint my nails, I can garentee you. So, as soon as it turns noon, i will put on my bathing suit, rub on my tanning oil, and lay out in the sun for fifteen minutes each side. Then I will go inside take off my suit, and take a shower. Then wash my hair, fat body, and my face so I can stay as pretty as possible- no pimples. Then, I will go eat becuse it will probably be about 1:30-1:45-ish. then i will go out side and play with my kittens and then clean my room cause it's a mess and it needs to be clean before I can workout at 4:00. So, that's basically my day. Lets hope i make it a great one because I need to have a flat stomache before wednesday. I'm going on a two day vacation with a friend to a condo and we'll basically be checking out hot guys and swimming, so i want to be tan, and thinner, and sexy! lets wish me luck!
Essie

Okay, so i found a chart i wanted to share with you, it has the perfect goal weight for those models you see. The weights are all underweight. It also has the mesurements that you should have.So, i'm not going to psot my thinspo till friday, srry. maybe, though if i have some free time, i might post em tonight. Essie

 Hey, this is the last week of spring break, and to really make sure I'm losing weight, I'm fasting. All this week,  I feel so invigorated when I feel hungry. Like if I can resist, I can do anything. So, I just wanted to ask if anyone wanted to join me, in my quest of not eating. Because Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. i can't help it, i just love that quote. Anyways, so anyone up for a good week long fast. water only, and if you live with your parents, you kinda have to eat with them so they don't start thinking. but a small dinner. Essie

 Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough - Og Mandino I just thought i would share it with you guys cause it was really empowering sounding. I feel like i can go on forever without eating. Cause I am strong enough. Essie

I've decided that like once a week, I'm going to post some good thinspo. It will probably be on wednesdays or fridays, cause those are the days I'm allowed on the computer. So, here goes... 
  

That was basically this weeks thinspo, All bikinis while you get slim to fit in yours. Stay strong xoxo Essie