I find the absurdity of our culture rather striking at times. I spend all day typing words and numbers into a box full of plastic and metal and silicon because our culture has decided that's the best way to apportion things like food and shelter, and the industry I work in only exists because we use paper and metal tokens to symbolize the portion I've earned sitting and typing into the aforementioned box. Truly bizarre.
Today was a great day of driving. I started around 9:30, and got to Springfield around 6:30. I saw a lot of little roadside attractions along the way, like the Big Blue Whale in Catoosa, the Totem Pole Park in Foyil, and the Packard Museum in Afton. I got pictures of Historic 66 signs in all three states. I got to see the outside of the apartment house that belonged to Bonnie and Clyde in Joplin. It's still a private residence, so I didn't want to bother the man, but the address is right and there was a bullet hole in the lintel above the front door. That was pretty great to see. In between there were miles and miles of beautiful praire and all the cows you could shake a stick at.
I'm glad I did take that detour into Joplin itself. If you were just to follow Route 66 it looks like your average city along the highway. The Joplin Museum is directly off the highway to the north. But just a couple of minutes south of 66, the landscape changes drastically. The buildings just disappear for a quarter mile. That's where the tornado went through last year. They've just managed to clear the rubble, for the most part, but rebuilding has barely started. The closest thing I've ever seen was the photos of Hiroshima after the bomb. It's scary to think of how little warning those folks might have had. Also strange is the way some building really did seem to be passed over. There were one or two houses still there, the shell of an old Taco Bell, and even a few storefronts where three out of the four were boarded up, but the last was still in business. Eerie sight.
I ended on a lighter note, anyway. Dinner was at the Springfield Brewing Company, where I had their good and very spicy buffalo chicken sandwich and two glasses of their in-house brewed Hop Lobster beer. Then I crossed the street to the movie theatre and saw The Artist, which I enjoyed thoroughly. Tomorrow it's off to the Ozarks and Arkansas. I just hope the clouds blow over in time.
This weekend, I'm actually going to do something typically American. Big shock, I know.
I've rented a nice V6 Dodge Charger and I'm going to drive Route 66 from here to Springfield, MO. 180 miles through three states (OK, KS, MO). I'm hoping to spot a lot of weird roadside attractions on the way. There will be many photos, promise.
I really need some road time alone. I've been looking forward to this since I got here.
Just got back from the first legal observer meeting for Occupy Philadelphia. It's not a terribly large crowd so far, maybe a couple hundred, but they seem to have a good sense of organization for a group that's only had two days' planning. I can't get too involved since I'm technically a neutral party, but I really do wish them well.
A lot of the reason i've been set on emigration all these years was a sense that the USA just doesn't want me anymore. That the country qua culture and government would actually prefer me gone, and no one had the will to change that. I don't want to lay too much on the Occupy movement per se, but it does give me hope that, by the time i'm my parents' age, I might be able to consider living out my life here. The generation I sit at the upper end of is not just idealistic, but show some willingness to do something about it. I hope they don't lose that fire any time soon.
Why do I always forget how much I need to be in a musical group? This choir is fantastic. Fun, friendly, and the alto section are the instigators of trouble. I'm in heaven.
If you live anywhere in the Philadelphia tri-state area, you'd better be at my concerts. I'll post details once I have them.
Wieder ein Film, der sich in Berlin stattfindet. Wieder mal der Heimweh, der für mich immer mit Deutschland und Berlin verbunden wird. Ich kann es ausstehen, aber nur kurz. Dann wird der Zwang zu kräftig. Ich liebe dieser Stadt, diesem Land. Meine Zukunft ist da. Auch ermutigt mich die Mitarbeiterin dazu, und normalerweise ist sie viel zu zynisch, jemanden zu unterstützen.
Ich kann es schaffen, und ich glaube ich muss es doch. Nach einem Jahr sehen wir, was geschieht.
It's creeping up again. I think I was in just about the same place this time last year, but so be it. It's wanderlust season, I guess.
I'm not going to leave right now. My current lease is good through July of next year. I'm going to wait that year out before making any major decisions. I'm going to do a few things right this time, though. I'm going to make sure I apply for a DAAD scholarship. If I can get one of those, the money for getting to Germany won't be an issue. There's no tuition and the scholarship would cover a stipend and travel costs for a year. Fortunately, a year is all I need. I'm going to send out for admissions packets, even if I decide not to apply for some reason. It can't hurt.
In terms of running to and not from, Germany is just where I want to be. I talk about finding a 'permanent' position in the US, but I never really mean permanent. I only mean 'permanent enough to give me a decent salary so I can save my money and bail'. Even my computer log-in at work is a reference to me using the job as a springboard. This is a desire that hasn't changed in at least 10 years. I think I fell in love with Germany the first time my family went to visit Melanie, and every time since it's gotten stronger. My semester there during college absolutely sealed it. Berlin felt like home in a way nowhere else has. Philly has come close from time to time, but it's still missing something. I'll never be able to name it, it's just a matter of atmosphere I guess.
I know I wanted to wait until I have my surgery, but the work I have now just isn't going to pay for it in less than 3 years, if then. I don't want to be impatient, but I can't keep this job for 3 years if I want to ever advance my career. Unfortunately, I don't see any other good chances out there for me right now. The market is still flat, and the jobs that are hiring are all personal injury stuff that I'm not cut out for, or financial stuff I'm not qualified for. I'm also a plain old pessimist about the U.S. right now. The way things are going, I just don't think it's going to get better until it's gotten a hell of a lot worse.
There are so many people I love here, and so many events I want to be a part of. I know there are things I will miss, and many things I will want to travel back for, but when people say they have a calling in life, I think this must be what they mean. This is what I've worked for since I was 14 years old. Every time I try to shove it away, it just comes roaring right back.
I may have tried this before, but tonight I made some bangin' mac and cheese. Cheese sauce from scratch is really not that hard! I don't think I'll ever go back. Toss in a bag of peas and some sauteed onions and you've got a mighty fine meal.
I gotta say, the Betty Crocker cookbook is a classic for a reason. If you ever come across one, get it. And don't be a wuss about the butter. It's good for you. ;)
